Who Is Worthy and Who Is Not
If you have been reading my blog you will know that recently I unfriended somone and for very good reason. For about the last five or more years this person who will remain nameless spent hours and hours on social media advertising his every move. If he went to the toilet he would post it. Unfortunately I made a joke about his tendency to like all things Tiki, often times posting pictures where he appeared to be drunk and often times he would stick his tongue out as if to imitate a lizard of sorts but not as attractive. I admit that there were times when I would call and leaves a message and for months I would not hear back from him, yet the entire time he was always on social media when I would check, posting one thing after another. He also had a tendency to be very critical of gay men which I found a little self-loathing since he was gay. Apparently he seemed to be in the business of buying and selling property in California and would also post a blow by blow about his new acquisitions. Once I went to visit close by and saw him one time an then did not hear a peep from him. One long conversation revealed a lot of past pain and a life of what seemed to be excessive privileged as a child and teen, owning a BMW at sixteen. It occurred to me that underneath the facade there was a lot of pain and addiction. Still I attempted to get through to him as a friend and would Face Time him only to elicit how uncomfortable that was for him. Anything intimate seemed to be foreign to him. I think that in the end the honest mistake I made about commenting on the tacky Tiki theme sealed it for me and got me to understand that this was not at all a friendship that was genuine. I deduced that I had been living in denial about him and about our connection which was not a connection at all. I understood that he was not worth of my friendship and loving nature and I say this with love.
We must know who is worthy and who is not. Not everyone deserves to be our friend, our lover, our spouse or our partner. Some people will not be able to connect in a way that is meaningful to us. Not everyone will match our love or our commitment level and when there is a lot of disparity we should understand that this may not be the journey with this person for us at this time. Too often waiting and hoping becomes a way of life and frankly we cannot compromise our hearts to those who do not have the ability to reach back and give of their hearts to us. It is a myth my friends when people say that one should give without expecting it back. It is easy to say that this disconnection must be done with ease and grace and love yet we know how difficult it really is and how it feels. Inventing our hearts is the most crucial investment we will ever make in life. It is no easy task to let go of that which we have placed our efforts into.
To belabor this subject might make me seem bitter and perhaps there is some validity in this observation. Perhaps there is a little part of me that is bitter but there is a larger part of me who has learned that being a good friend is something that others should honor, acknowledge and participate in. Being a good friend and partner should be understood and given importance. Being a good spouse should be something that is celebrated even if with a nice card or poem or some flowers. In my life at sixty two I am surely examining my relationships with others and now I understand that I want more. I want more of others and I want more of myself. I want to chose who is worthy and who is not and not feel badly for the choices I have made. I want to be the one that others seek out rather than the one who seeks. I want to feel like I am worth the extra effort.
I guess I have once again said too much. Perhaps there will be readers who will find me tragic. I would rather see myself as more o a realist today than every before in my life. I deserve to be loved in the same manner that I have loved others. I deserve to be treated special and given time. If no one stands up and gives then I will take my piece of the cake and I will enjoy it so much as to smoother the icing on my face.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
We must know who is worthy and who is not. Not everyone deserves to be our friend, our lover, our spouse or our partner. Some people will not be able to connect in a way that is meaningful to us. Not everyone will match our love or our commitment level and when there is a lot of disparity we should understand that this may not be the journey with this person for us at this time. Too often waiting and hoping becomes a way of life and frankly we cannot compromise our hearts to those who do not have the ability to reach back and give of their hearts to us. It is a myth my friends when people say that one should give without expecting it back. It is easy to say that this disconnection must be done with ease and grace and love yet we know how difficult it really is and how it feels. Inventing our hearts is the most crucial investment we will ever make in life. It is no easy task to let go of that which we have placed our efforts into.
To belabor this subject might make me seem bitter and perhaps there is some validity in this observation. Perhaps there is a little part of me that is bitter but there is a larger part of me who has learned that being a good friend is something that others should honor, acknowledge and participate in. Being a good friend and partner should be understood and given importance. Being a good spouse should be something that is celebrated even if with a nice card or poem or some flowers. In my life at sixty two I am surely examining my relationships with others and now I understand that I want more. I want more of others and I want more of myself. I want to chose who is worthy and who is not and not feel badly for the choices I have made. I want to be the one that others seek out rather than the one who seeks. I want to feel like I am worth the extra effort.
I guess I have once again said too much. Perhaps there will be readers who will find me tragic. I would rather see myself as more o a realist today than every before in my life. I deserve to be loved in the same manner that I have loved others. I deserve to be treated special and given time. If no one stands up and gives then I will take my piece of the cake and I will enjoy it so much as to smoother the icing on my face.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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