4 Subtle Abuses One
There are several ways someone can abuse another in a very subtle but not so emotionally healthy manner. In fact these types of abuses are outright damaging to a person and the relationship with a friend or spouse.
These subtle abuses take the form of:
Put Downs:
Constantly putting a person down is a form of abuse. Putting them down for their inability to do something that you can do or the clothing they are wearing are but two examples of put downs that are abusive and eventually get worse and more frequent. Put downs about your family or friends are another soft core way to abuse someone. Put downs include bullying and shaming and blaming the other person for a lot of things often over the period of years. Accumulated put downs have a serious effect.
Criticism about Everything:
Criticism is abusive. When we find fault in the things others do like making a tablescape or sweeping a floor. Criticizing is one of the subtle ways to abuse another person yet it effects the persons self-esteem to think they cannot do anything right. Criticism of the way a person eats, walks or places dishes in the dishwasher are just a few of many ways to find something wrong. The abuser usually escalates to larger abuses like a woman's weight is one typical one that men use to put down their wives.
Indirect digs (couched as jokes) to Culture or Race:
A friend of mine use to complain to his partner all the time about his mother and other family members telling racial jokes or making fun of his so called "Black people" shoes or his "colorful shirt". All were designed to indirectly say that his race had something to do with some issue in regards to his dress or way of thinking. Such question like "Do Latinos eat their dessert before their meal?" were digs that were couched to be funny to them. At times it wass his pointy shoes or they would speak in an accent as if Indian from India. Nothing was sacred. Cultural and racial digs are abuse whether we know it or not.
Fowl Language used during a dialog:
I noted that a friend of mine's husband started to swear when he would talk about her or to her. He would not say it directly to her but he might as well have. He used it fluidly and with constant disrespect in his tone. It indicated that he had no respect for her and it was a soft core abuse like the others. Nothing says I don't respect you bettter than profanity. I was especially shocked at one husband who started to stay to his wife: "Fuck You" repeatedly and at whim whenever he did not like what she was stickiing up for or holding as her truth.
Abuse comes in many many forms unfortunately and these are only four of many. We know the signs of abuse and we should get help and get out of a relationship that is abusive noting that it lacks light and spiritual principles. Especially when a person does not have any belief system it gives them an excuse to unload their feelng of power over you when in fact it is insecurity. We must remember that abusive people:
Never admit to it fully
Will repeat it and get worse each time the longer we stay
If you are in an abusive relationship know that little by little it will kill your spirit and get out the first chance you get. Nothing is going to change and when you see that the family of origin is the same as he or she is you know this person was reared and steeped in prejudice and abuse. Let go and let God.
These subtle abuses take the form of:
Put Downs:
Constantly putting a person down is a form of abuse. Putting them down for their inability to do something that you can do or the clothing they are wearing are but two examples of put downs that are abusive and eventually get worse and more frequent. Put downs about your family or friends are another soft core way to abuse someone. Put downs include bullying and shaming and blaming the other person for a lot of things often over the period of years. Accumulated put downs have a serious effect.
Criticism about Everything:
Criticism is abusive. When we find fault in the things others do like making a tablescape or sweeping a floor. Criticizing is one of the subtle ways to abuse another person yet it effects the persons self-esteem to think they cannot do anything right. Criticism of the way a person eats, walks or places dishes in the dishwasher are just a few of many ways to find something wrong. The abuser usually escalates to larger abuses like a woman's weight is one typical one that men use to put down their wives.
Indirect digs (couched as jokes) to Culture or Race:
A friend of mine use to complain to his partner all the time about his mother and other family members telling racial jokes or making fun of his so called "Black people" shoes or his "colorful shirt". All were designed to indirectly say that his race had something to do with some issue in regards to his dress or way of thinking. Such question like "Do Latinos eat their dessert before their meal?" were digs that were couched to be funny to them. At times it wass his pointy shoes or they would speak in an accent as if Indian from India. Nothing was sacred. Cultural and racial digs are abuse whether we know it or not.
Fowl Language used during a dialog:
I noted that a friend of mine's husband started to swear when he would talk about her or to her. He would not say it directly to her but he might as well have. He used it fluidly and with constant disrespect in his tone. It indicated that he had no respect for her and it was a soft core abuse like the others. Nothing says I don't respect you bettter than profanity. I was especially shocked at one husband who started to stay to his wife: "Fuck You" repeatedly and at whim whenever he did not like what she was stickiing up for or holding as her truth.
Abuse comes in many many forms unfortunately and these are only four of many. We know the signs of abuse and we should get help and get out of a relationship that is abusive noting that it lacks light and spiritual principles. Especially when a person does not have any belief system it gives them an excuse to unload their feelng of power over you when in fact it is insecurity. We must remember that abusive people:
Never admit to it fully
Will repeat it and get worse each time the longer we stay
If you are in an abusive relationship know that little by little it will kill your spirit and get out the first chance you get. Nothing is going to change and when you see that the family of origin is the same as he or she is you know this person was reared and steeped in prejudice and abuse. Let go and let God.
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