My Spiritual Journey
I wrote an article that I want to finally submit to a magazine about spirituality and finding our spirit. My daughter read it, she is great writer herself, and suggested I put more of my personal expereience. My daughters have been inspiring me since the day they were born and now that they are adults they truly are taking me to another level of inspiration. The love I have received is something that cannot be measured and my own spiritual path has been influenced by them as well as other people and situations. Finding my spirit has been work and I mean life work. Lots and lots of life work such as: Reading spiritual text, getting a masters degree in Spiritual Pyschology, following some writers and people who I have learned from and dedicating my time to spiritual work through prayer and meditation. Sometimes I think that my own path is not as interesting as the general paths and that of others but perhaps I am underestimating my own life experience, hence this blog about my spiritual work.
Cancer:
There is likely nothing more motivating than a terminal illness. I will likely never forget that day when the doctor told me that I had cancer and would need to be operated and wear a colostomy bag the rest of my life. Having my intestine on my waist is still something I am trying to get use to. The thing is that at first I could not accept that I had no other alternative but the one she, the doctor was presenting to me. Cancer has a way of bringing it all forward. Everything you ever thought about faith is tested and everyrhing you think you would do is no longer relevant. Although I had been on a spiritual path to begin with, from repeated experiences of self-abuse and abuse in relationships, nothing prepared me for that day and nothing made me want to heal more, never mind being cured.
OHI:
When I found out that I had cancer I immediately decided to go to OHI. OHI is a wonderful program for cleansing and helping people heal themselves at every level: spiritual, physical and emotional. I then applied to become a missionary at OHI which meant I would spend three months there serving others while at the same time following their faw diet and the program they provide for their guests. I recall I arrived November 16 and left around December 12. Long story short I began to bleed so much that I ended up in the hospital emergency room and receiving my first blood transfusion. My daughters pleaded me to come home if something happened and my oldest cried over the phone asking me to please not die there without them. I knew for sure that this was not to be the case and I also knew that if things got rough I would need to come home and possibly get the operation. On December 12 my daughter booked a flight for me to come home the very next day. I had just gotten out of the hospital where I was left in the bathroom to bleed and was frightened to death. Nothing could be done short of cutting a part of my rectum out and moving my intestine. And so eventually I ended up coming home, going to the hospital and getting operated. The experience at OHI was awesome to put it mildly and I would not have traded it for anything in the world. What wisdom I gained was useful and the love and light I experienced was incredible. Perhaps I could spend hours and hours explaining what this experience was like but it is best to experience it rather than to hear it from me. It is a spiritual experience that cannot be explained. It is an experience serving others and serving Source. It is a joy that the body feels when it is being cleansed with raw foods and wheatgrass. It is work and it is mighty work, well worth the pain and the joy and the tears and the laughter. I even made a couple of friends also battling with cancer whom I will be visiting soon.
The Operation:
The operation was what I would say was OK. Having an operation is not as bad as one would think. I had it and came out of it in pretty good shape including some immaculate work by a plastic surgeon who restructured my butt. Sorry there is not a crayon version (kid version) for what I experienced. It was after this that it was unveiled that I had lesions on my testicles. Now I had to have some chemo and radiation. Nothing and I mean nothing would have prepared me for what was to come. The radiation was the most horrific expeience I have ever had in my entire life. During this time I was asked if I had any questions and not only did I usually not ask them I had no idea what to ask. In fact I was fearful of knowing what would happen to my body and my body parts after such a treatement, but I held on to that little bit of faith, as in a mustard seed, that faith. I was not only in physical pain I was in emotional pain. It was unbelievable to me. And just when I thought it was bad then there were the next two to three weeks after my treatment. The pain level I was in and the burning that happened to me was horrific. It was not bad it was horrible. I cried and fell to my knees like a little baby.
To be continued ...
Cancer:
There is likely nothing more motivating than a terminal illness. I will likely never forget that day when the doctor told me that I had cancer and would need to be operated and wear a colostomy bag the rest of my life. Having my intestine on my waist is still something I am trying to get use to. The thing is that at first I could not accept that I had no other alternative but the one she, the doctor was presenting to me. Cancer has a way of bringing it all forward. Everything you ever thought about faith is tested and everyrhing you think you would do is no longer relevant. Although I had been on a spiritual path to begin with, from repeated experiences of self-abuse and abuse in relationships, nothing prepared me for that day and nothing made me want to heal more, never mind being cured.
OHI:
When I found out that I had cancer I immediately decided to go to OHI. OHI is a wonderful program for cleansing and helping people heal themselves at every level: spiritual, physical and emotional. I then applied to become a missionary at OHI which meant I would spend three months there serving others while at the same time following their faw diet and the program they provide for their guests. I recall I arrived November 16 and left around December 12. Long story short I began to bleed so much that I ended up in the hospital emergency room and receiving my first blood transfusion. My daughters pleaded me to come home if something happened and my oldest cried over the phone asking me to please not die there without them. I knew for sure that this was not to be the case and I also knew that if things got rough I would need to come home and possibly get the operation. On December 12 my daughter booked a flight for me to come home the very next day. I had just gotten out of the hospital where I was left in the bathroom to bleed and was frightened to death. Nothing could be done short of cutting a part of my rectum out and moving my intestine. And so eventually I ended up coming home, going to the hospital and getting operated. The experience at OHI was awesome to put it mildly and I would not have traded it for anything in the world. What wisdom I gained was useful and the love and light I experienced was incredible. Perhaps I could spend hours and hours explaining what this experience was like but it is best to experience it rather than to hear it from me. It is a spiritual experience that cannot be explained. It is an experience serving others and serving Source. It is a joy that the body feels when it is being cleansed with raw foods and wheatgrass. It is work and it is mighty work, well worth the pain and the joy and the tears and the laughter. I even made a couple of friends also battling with cancer whom I will be visiting soon.
The Operation:
The operation was what I would say was OK. Having an operation is not as bad as one would think. I had it and came out of it in pretty good shape including some immaculate work by a plastic surgeon who restructured my butt. Sorry there is not a crayon version (kid version) for what I experienced. It was after this that it was unveiled that I had lesions on my testicles. Now I had to have some chemo and radiation. Nothing and I mean nothing would have prepared me for what was to come. The radiation was the most horrific expeience I have ever had in my entire life. During this time I was asked if I had any questions and not only did I usually not ask them I had no idea what to ask. In fact I was fearful of knowing what would happen to my body and my body parts after such a treatement, but I held on to that little bit of faith, as in a mustard seed, that faith. I was not only in physical pain I was in emotional pain. It was unbelievable to me. And just when I thought it was bad then there were the next two to three weeks after my treatment. The pain level I was in and the burning that happened to me was horrific. It was not bad it was horrible. I cried and fell to my knees like a little baby.
To be continued ...
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