Get Your Joy Back
What and how our joy gets stolen or affected in some way are so numerous we could never go over them all in one blog yet I am anxious to share with you some of the things we allow to steal our joy and how to get it back. Here is some of the long, long, long, very long list of things or situations or people who can rob you of your joy:
After a negative "Friend":
There is really nothing quite as much a downer as a friend who is constantly negative. They call, they message and they text their woes to you for as long as we will listen. Soon we are adopting their dark attitude and they have rubbed their sad attitude on to you.
I had one of these friends in my life for over ten years before I finally referred her to about three free counseling services, their phone numbers and their addresses. It was then that I was liberated from getting my joy stolen with my permission. That day I got my joy back in the same manner that anyone can in an up front, direct and honest way that I did.
After a sudden Breakup:
Nothing says joy snatching than a sudden break up. It is especially special when the person leaves you without much explanation other than that "I don't love you anymore". Break ups will and do happen yet there are some that are very cruel and non-feeling, even angry.
The good news is that you will recover. The best revenge is to hold your head up higher, suck it in and get social. Do the things you have been wanting to do: take a trip, write an article, visit a heat lodge, join a drumming circle. Do all that you can to participate fully in life and allow yourself the chance to meet great people. There are plenty of great, good looking people out there to mingle with and help you to "move on". Nothing is quite as bad as break up other than the sulking we do afterwards. Blaming and shaming yourself is not the answer. Bite the bullet, hold your head up, go forward and dance.
After a Death:
Death is a part of living and inevitably someone in our life will pass away. Death is final and it is tough for most of us who have a soft heart, especially. Death of a person or animal can both be equally tough although many of us think that an animal dying is not as serious. Fortunately we don't get to say who gets to grieve and for what reason and for whom.
When a loved one passes the very first thing that has to happen is for us to grieve and to cry and to allow those feelings to come out without censoring them. Then it will eventually be time for us to celebrate that person or animals life. At time we create a collage of pictures or we have a party where we honor this person or animal we love. We allow ourselves to laugh about the funny times and cry about the sad and happy ones. We get our joy back when we admit our sadness and pain and we come all around to the laughter and celebration of life.
After We loose a job:
Let's be honest no one likes to get "laid off" or as everyone else calls it "fired" or "let go". We are very attached to our job and unfortunately we are attached to a JOB. When we loose it there is a lot to process because it is scary and it is emotionally draining. It could have been a job you hated but yet that seems not to matter. The loss of a job can really steal our happiness. But we don't have to own that job and make it our beginning and our end. In fact it is best we do not.
Losing your job has to be framed as what it is. You lost your JOB. You did not loose your life. You did not loose your dignity or your joy because no one can take that from you. To recall this will help get your joy back. It is a JOB. It is not my life. It does not define me. Tell yourself these truths and others that will demonstrate to you that work is not who you are and a JOB is not the sum of you. There will be other jobs and other choices. For some it meant opening their own business or working for themselves as consultants. Losing a JOB is all it is. You are not working there anymore. Once you understand that and you tell your mind the truth about a job you will continue to fly, higher than ever. Your joy comes from knowing the truth. I will never forget India Arie's song "I am not my hair". It is exactly the kind of thinking we must adopt about work. I am not my job! When you get that then you take your joy back, pick up your briefcase and laugh again.
After a negative "Friend":
There is really nothing quite as much a downer as a friend who is constantly negative. They call, they message and they text their woes to you for as long as we will listen. Soon we are adopting their dark attitude and they have rubbed their sad attitude on to you.
I had one of these friends in my life for over ten years before I finally referred her to about three free counseling services, their phone numbers and their addresses. It was then that I was liberated from getting my joy stolen with my permission. That day I got my joy back in the same manner that anyone can in an up front, direct and honest way that I did.
After a sudden Breakup:
Nothing says joy snatching than a sudden break up. It is especially special when the person leaves you without much explanation other than that "I don't love you anymore". Break ups will and do happen yet there are some that are very cruel and non-feeling, even angry.
The good news is that you will recover. The best revenge is to hold your head up higher, suck it in and get social. Do the things you have been wanting to do: take a trip, write an article, visit a heat lodge, join a drumming circle. Do all that you can to participate fully in life and allow yourself the chance to meet great people. There are plenty of great, good looking people out there to mingle with and help you to "move on". Nothing is quite as bad as break up other than the sulking we do afterwards. Blaming and shaming yourself is not the answer. Bite the bullet, hold your head up, go forward and dance.
After a Death:
Death is a part of living and inevitably someone in our life will pass away. Death is final and it is tough for most of us who have a soft heart, especially. Death of a person or animal can both be equally tough although many of us think that an animal dying is not as serious. Fortunately we don't get to say who gets to grieve and for what reason and for whom.
When a loved one passes the very first thing that has to happen is for us to grieve and to cry and to allow those feelings to come out without censoring them. Then it will eventually be time for us to celebrate that person or animals life. At time we create a collage of pictures or we have a party where we honor this person or animal we love. We allow ourselves to laugh about the funny times and cry about the sad and happy ones. We get our joy back when we admit our sadness and pain and we come all around to the laughter and celebration of life.
After We loose a job:
Let's be honest no one likes to get "laid off" or as everyone else calls it "fired" or "let go". We are very attached to our job and unfortunately we are attached to a JOB. When we loose it there is a lot to process because it is scary and it is emotionally draining. It could have been a job you hated but yet that seems not to matter. The loss of a job can really steal our happiness. But we don't have to own that job and make it our beginning and our end. In fact it is best we do not.
Losing your job has to be framed as what it is. You lost your JOB. You did not loose your life. You did not loose your dignity or your joy because no one can take that from you. To recall this will help get your joy back. It is a JOB. It is not my life. It does not define me. Tell yourself these truths and others that will demonstrate to you that work is not who you are and a JOB is not the sum of you. There will be other jobs and other choices. For some it meant opening their own business or working for themselves as consultants. Losing a JOB is all it is. You are not working there anymore. Once you understand that and you tell your mind the truth about a job you will continue to fly, higher than ever. Your joy comes from knowing the truth. I will never forget India Arie's song "I am not my hair". It is exactly the kind of thinking we must adopt about work. I am not my job! When you get that then you take your joy back, pick up your briefcase and laugh again.
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