Love and in Love
After two marriages and a few other relationships I consider myself tuned into the difference between loving someone and being "in love". For many years I did not think there was a difference and often made fun when others made the distinction. Now at the young age of 60 I have deduced that there is a very thick line between loving someone and being in love with someone. In one of my relationships I was in love and in the other I loved the person but was never in love. Part of the reason for me was that I never felt like the other person was in love with me. It really does take two to tango. There in lies the fact that I spent many years with a person who not only was I not in love with, I felt like I literally loathed. Of course for good reason when I myself did not feel truly loved in a way that was beautiful and clear.
We can love almost anyone. It is the reason that we tolerate some much of what we don't want from someone for so long, even abuse and bullying behaviors. It is the reason that we stay in a relationship that is not working. Once we love someone we get stuck in a cycle that tells us that if we love that person we stay and then we stay and we stay and we stay, way too long. We are not bad because we love someone and hope that they will change. We are not stupid for loving someone simply because we promised to love him or her. Loving is a simple feeling we all have and for this reason any one of us could love a person we don't like. We love someone in spite of their behavior and in spite of their flaws and most of all because we have invested time and energy into them whether they are kind or not seems not to matter after a few years.
When we are in love it has to be a special person, someone we like and someone who is kind, generous and has our best interest at heart. This person makes us first most of the time and gives even more than they ask to be given. We fall in love with a person when every element of love is present in the relationship: the spiritual, the emotional and the physical. When we are in love we love the components of the person we love. We love the way they laugh and we love their personality. Being in love is deeper than loving someone and we stay because we love that person with all our heart.
We know when we are not in love when we get sick thinking about being with that person when they come in the door from work. When we don't want to sleep with them because that person takes much more than they give. We know we are not in love when we get up in the morning and we feel lonely because we are not receiving the basic elements needed in a relationship. We know we are not in love when we cannot wait for the person we are with to leave to work so that we can feel some form of relief. When we are in love, we also love everything about someone, some one special person.
If you are not in love or feel as though you are not in love there is likely work to be done. There is likely some hard things to face. Yet the up side to it all is that we can begin again and begin by loving our self more so that the next time we meet someone we are more insistent on truly being in love.
We can love almost anyone. It is the reason that we tolerate some much of what we don't want from someone for so long, even abuse and bullying behaviors. It is the reason that we stay in a relationship that is not working. Once we love someone we get stuck in a cycle that tells us that if we love that person we stay and then we stay and we stay and we stay, way too long. We are not bad because we love someone and hope that they will change. We are not stupid for loving someone simply because we promised to love him or her. Loving is a simple feeling we all have and for this reason any one of us could love a person we don't like. We love someone in spite of their behavior and in spite of their flaws and most of all because we have invested time and energy into them whether they are kind or not seems not to matter after a few years.
When we are in love it has to be a special person, someone we like and someone who is kind, generous and has our best interest at heart. This person makes us first most of the time and gives even more than they ask to be given. We fall in love with a person when every element of love is present in the relationship: the spiritual, the emotional and the physical. When we are in love we love the components of the person we love. We love the way they laugh and we love their personality. Being in love is deeper than loving someone and we stay because we love that person with all our heart.
We know when we are not in love when we get sick thinking about being with that person when they come in the door from work. When we don't want to sleep with them because that person takes much more than they give. We know we are not in love when we get up in the morning and we feel lonely because we are not receiving the basic elements needed in a relationship. We know we are not in love when we cannot wait for the person we are with to leave to work so that we can feel some form of relief. When we are in love, we also love everything about someone, some one special person.
If you are not in love or feel as though you are not in love there is likely work to be done. There is likely some hard things to face. Yet the up side to it all is that we can begin again and begin by loving our self more so that the next time we meet someone we are more insistent on truly being in love.
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