Update on Me
Today I would like to share an update on myself and give information about how I am feeling. One of the things about Wednesdays is that it has become my favorite day of the week. In the past, my sister was visiting me every Wednesday and staying with me until Thursday. I was fed and loved to pieces every week when she and her husband spent the day with me. Now Wednesdays have a new life and in that I am attending readings and discussions on "A Course in Miracles" a book that I love and speaks to life lessons, God (as we understand it) and the spirit. Immediately after the book study I am attending an hour and a half meditation with Tibetan bowls being played by the person who leads this divine and sacred activity.
I have been feeling better and have been working out the upper body cycling when possible three days a week. I feel much better when I work out and it is like taking a chill pill. There is nothing better than a good workout for the mind and body. There are some days that I don't want to work out but I force myself to get into it and once I begin I feel better in the first ten minutes. It is easy to get caught up in the cycle of sitting around and not being active enough so I have to be very intentional about working out. I thank Source that I am able to do it most of the time, even on those days when I am in some pain.
Emotionally I am up and down but mostly up thank Goddess. I am still in the process of forgiving myself for judging myself for staying in an unloving relationship with someone who was abusive. The truth is that I was unaware and sometimes in denial about the relationship and the dynamic of the relationship, one that was about him wielding power over me and where there was so little sustainance. I am working on it each day and less ashamed for staying and for allowing him and his parent and some of his other family members to insult me and act in ways that were bigoted and hateful. It was indirect and direct abuse but I learned that abuse is sometimes very subtle when one is dealing with people who are skilled at abuse and manipulation. I still have a lot of residue from this abuse but I can honestly say that I am healing every day in every way. I continue to take medication for anxiety and for depression to keep things at bay while seeing a therapist who is wonderful and who has shared some great advise for healing. The Course in Miracles and the Meditation on Wednesdays are both helpful to me and bring light to my life. I am constantly grateful to be away from the relationship and the mental and sexual abuse, something I just started to talk about to my therapist, at first choking and crying as I recanted the abuse. What I know is that I will heal by talking about it and telling the truth.
Tomorrow is another day when I start my volunteer work and my friend is coming through on her way out of town and staying overnight. We plan to see a movie as well. Then on Saturday another friend and her son are coming by to visit overnight. I am ending the week on Sunday by going to an COH Red Carpet Event at the Park West in the city. I am doing more things more often and keeping myself active as this helps me to feel more of my deserving and loving joy. Each activity with friends and alone gives me a reason to be happy and enjoy my life even more. Friends give me the kindness and loving interaction I need. I am doing better at reaching out to folks and making dates with them to go to dinner, go see a movie or meet for lunch. In fact I have found two friends in situations similar to mine: one has broken off her relationship as of two or three months ago and the other has been in a relationship that has no intimacy or connection anymore. Even though we are kindred spirits by going through some rough patches it feels good to know that none of us are alone in experiencing abuse and neglect.
I have been feeling better and have been working out the upper body cycling when possible three days a week. I feel much better when I work out and it is like taking a chill pill. There is nothing better than a good workout for the mind and body. There are some days that I don't want to work out but I force myself to get into it and once I begin I feel better in the first ten minutes. It is easy to get caught up in the cycle of sitting around and not being active enough so I have to be very intentional about working out. I thank Source that I am able to do it most of the time, even on those days when I am in some pain.
Emotionally I am up and down but mostly up thank Goddess. I am still in the process of forgiving myself for judging myself for staying in an unloving relationship with someone who was abusive. The truth is that I was unaware and sometimes in denial about the relationship and the dynamic of the relationship, one that was about him wielding power over me and where there was so little sustainance. I am working on it each day and less ashamed for staying and for allowing him and his parent and some of his other family members to insult me and act in ways that were bigoted and hateful. It was indirect and direct abuse but I learned that abuse is sometimes very subtle when one is dealing with people who are skilled at abuse and manipulation. I still have a lot of residue from this abuse but I can honestly say that I am healing every day in every way. I continue to take medication for anxiety and for depression to keep things at bay while seeing a therapist who is wonderful and who has shared some great advise for healing. The Course in Miracles and the Meditation on Wednesdays are both helpful to me and bring light to my life. I am constantly grateful to be away from the relationship and the mental and sexual abuse, something I just started to talk about to my therapist, at first choking and crying as I recanted the abuse. What I know is that I will heal by talking about it and telling the truth.
Tomorrow is another day when I start my volunteer work and my friend is coming through on her way out of town and staying overnight. We plan to see a movie as well. Then on Saturday another friend and her son are coming by to visit overnight. I am ending the week on Sunday by going to an COH Red Carpet Event at the Park West in the city. I am doing more things more often and keeping myself active as this helps me to feel more of my deserving and loving joy. Each activity with friends and alone gives me a reason to be happy and enjoy my life even more. Friends give me the kindness and loving interaction I need. I am doing better at reaching out to folks and making dates with them to go to dinner, go see a movie or meet for lunch. In fact I have found two friends in situations similar to mine: one has broken off her relationship as of two or three months ago and the other has been in a relationship that has no intimacy or connection anymore. Even though we are kindred spirits by going through some rough patches it feels good to know that none of us are alone in experiencing abuse and neglect.
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