Four Reasons You Don't Love You
Tonight I attended a Buddhist meeting in a suburb of Naperville. At this third meeting I have attended I noted the very same thing that I did the first time, a lot of happy people who seemed very much at peace with themselves. A group of people who seemed very connected not just to each other but to everything around them. It is as though one is transported to a different world, the one we have been wishing for and the one where people are truly happy. What is it that makes this particular group of people who are Buddhist so joyful and so self-assured without being arrogant? What is it about these people? At one point in the meeting one of the well known elder leaders spoke and if I were to focus in on one thing it would be self-love and loving others. That you cannot love others unless you love yourself or be joyful around others unless you are joyful on your own. You and I don't need anyone in our life to be happy even though we are made to believe otherwise.
There are so many reasons that we don't love ourselves that it would take a year to write about each one but for me there are at least four solid reasons we don't know how to love ourselves.
1. We don't learn to:
We don't learn the importance of self love. Self love is really so much different from selfishness or self-centered thinking. Self-love is just loving yourself enough without thinking you need someone or something to be happy. We don't know how to love ourselves because we are often times raised to believe it to be a selfish thought. Love yourself? What is that? How could we entertain such a silly and self-indulging thought? How could we even think it? It's just so selfish! Or is it?
2. We believe we are incomplete:
We think we are not complete as we are, without anyone else in our lives. We think we are only complete and worthy of loving ourselves if someone else loves us. That my friends and family is a big fat lie. Loving ourselves does not require that we have anyone in our lives to love us or to make use feel like we are worth loving. If we believe we are not complete without someone to love us we spend all of our life looking for love and often times finding out that love does not complete us and that in fact it does nothing to make us love ourselves more. It only creates this illusion that we do. The reality is that we have to learn to love ourselves without any other person involved. Love may be beautiful and love can be exciting but no can love us into love.
3. We are hard on ourselves:
We are much too hard on ourselves. We have this expectation that we must be perfect in order to love ourselves. We cannot make a mistake without coming down on ourselves horribly without any mercy. We don't love ourselves because we are constantly finding fault in ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves that we deny ourselves love. If we continue to see our flaws instead of our gifts we stay in a place of self-loathing, way past the not loving stage in our self.
4. We are busily believing the lies:
We don't love ourselves because we believe everything others think of us. The other day I heard a man admit on national TV that he could not stand anyone not liking him. That is one of the single most reason why we don't love ourselves. We believe what others say about us or what others think of us or what others imply about us. Even an implication of being less than worthy puts us into a tailspin of self-hate. It's just to easy to believe what others think of us, especially when they are the very people who claim to love us. What happens often times is that what others need to project gets projected onto us and we end up believing it.
So what to do? Well for one we must know who we are, who we really are. If we know who we are no one can change that or make us believe anything differently. We have to believe in ourselves. We must know that self-love is not selfish at all but rather the first step to loving others. We must look in the mirror and see a beautiful, valuable person looking back at us. We must do things that support loving ourselves like buying a dozen roses for our desk at work. We must always remind ourselves of who we are for we are truly a work of God. We are a work of a source that meant for us to love each other but first to love ourselves.
There are so many reasons that we don't love ourselves that it would take a year to write about each one but for me there are at least four solid reasons we don't know how to love ourselves.
1. We don't learn to:
We don't learn the importance of self love. Self love is really so much different from selfishness or self-centered thinking. Self-love is just loving yourself enough without thinking you need someone or something to be happy. We don't know how to love ourselves because we are often times raised to believe it to be a selfish thought. Love yourself? What is that? How could we entertain such a silly and self-indulging thought? How could we even think it? It's just so selfish! Or is it?
2. We believe we are incomplete:
We think we are not complete as we are, without anyone else in our lives. We think we are only complete and worthy of loving ourselves if someone else loves us. That my friends and family is a big fat lie. Loving ourselves does not require that we have anyone in our lives to love us or to make use feel like we are worth loving. If we believe we are not complete without someone to love us we spend all of our life looking for love and often times finding out that love does not complete us and that in fact it does nothing to make us love ourselves more. It only creates this illusion that we do. The reality is that we have to learn to love ourselves without any other person involved. Love may be beautiful and love can be exciting but no can love us into love.
3. We are hard on ourselves:
We are much too hard on ourselves. We have this expectation that we must be perfect in order to love ourselves. We cannot make a mistake without coming down on ourselves horribly without any mercy. We don't love ourselves because we are constantly finding fault in ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves that we deny ourselves love. If we continue to see our flaws instead of our gifts we stay in a place of self-loathing, way past the not loving stage in our self.
4. We are busily believing the lies:
We don't love ourselves because we believe everything others think of us. The other day I heard a man admit on national TV that he could not stand anyone not liking him. That is one of the single most reason why we don't love ourselves. We believe what others say about us or what others think of us or what others imply about us. Even an implication of being less than worthy puts us into a tailspin of self-hate. It's just to easy to believe what others think of us, especially when they are the very people who claim to love us. What happens often times is that what others need to project gets projected onto us and we end up believing it.
So what to do? Well for one we must know who we are, who we really are. If we know who we are no one can change that or make us believe anything differently. We have to believe in ourselves. We must know that self-love is not selfish at all but rather the first step to loving others. We must look in the mirror and see a beautiful, valuable person looking back at us. We must do things that support loving ourselves like buying a dozen roses for our desk at work. We must always remind ourselves of who we are for we are truly a work of God. We are a work of a source that meant for us to love each other but first to love ourselves.
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