Your Self Worth Is Not In Somene Else
"Not a drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me" Quincy Jones
This quote has truly become my matra. It has been even more meaningful after addressing the life obstacles that have come my way in the last year. After feeling like I have come out the other end, ast least for now, I am realzing my wotth. I have taken my priorities seriously and have set them to be more self-loving and more self-giving. I have finally come to the place of understanding that my self-worth is not dependent on anyone but myself and God. I know now that my self-value comes from loving me and spending time working on myself and my gifts. After taking so many years and dedicating them to worrying about someone else besides Elliott I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have to make myself first. No one is going to come to the door and tell me how lovely or how talented or how beautiful I am. In fact no one has knocked on my dooor period to share anything with me of value except one neighbor couple who came by with cookies and after hearing about my illness have been more attentive than friends I've known for years in the last year. What I know is that illness triggers people. That illness makes some people uncomfortable. That having a terminal illness asks others to either show up or nod out and many have nodded out. It is what it is.
Your self-worth should never ever depend on someone else once you have become a young adult. For those of us who did not get the support we deserved as children we look for it in everyone else. We pray and hope long and hard that the person who says they love us will lift us and love us enough to heal our hearts, but that is alas not their job nor do most people want to be hired for it. It is the very reason that when people leave others they are devastated to the degree where they cannot function and at times even become dysfunctional. They loose their jobs, they loose their sense of self, they loose their joy and they loose their self esteem because they had it wrapped in a person that not only did not show up for them, they would not show up for them even if they wanted to. Losing our self-worth when someone walks out of our life is a sign that our self-worth was already lost before that. It makes us see that relying on someone for our self-loving views of life and love is completely wrong. Wrong in so many ways it would be hard to count.
Our self-value has nothing to do with anyone's opinion of us or whether we are in love or being loved by one person in a relationship. Our self-worth is solely dependent on us and God or Source. It is only when we know this that we can heal from a cycle of self-hate and a cycle of dependence on others who will likely fail us sooner or later and even if they do not they cannot always be that entity of self-love. We must be that person at all times.
The next time you believe that there is a need for a person to validate you, think again. The next time you think that love or being in love will cure you, think again. The next time that you believe that there is a prince charming who will lift you onto his horse, think again. Think about being your own source of love, compassion and healing. Think about becoming the person who loves you most. Be the person to love yourself the most.
This quote has truly become my matra. It has been even more meaningful after addressing the life obstacles that have come my way in the last year. After feeling like I have come out the other end, ast least for now, I am realzing my wotth. I have taken my priorities seriously and have set them to be more self-loving and more self-giving. I have finally come to the place of understanding that my self-worth is not dependent on anyone but myself and God. I know now that my self-value comes from loving me and spending time working on myself and my gifts. After taking so many years and dedicating them to worrying about someone else besides Elliott I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have to make myself first. No one is going to come to the door and tell me how lovely or how talented or how beautiful I am. In fact no one has knocked on my dooor period to share anything with me of value except one neighbor couple who came by with cookies and after hearing about my illness have been more attentive than friends I've known for years in the last year. What I know is that illness triggers people. That illness makes some people uncomfortable. That having a terminal illness asks others to either show up or nod out and many have nodded out. It is what it is.
Your self-worth should never ever depend on someone else once you have become a young adult. For those of us who did not get the support we deserved as children we look for it in everyone else. We pray and hope long and hard that the person who says they love us will lift us and love us enough to heal our hearts, but that is alas not their job nor do most people want to be hired for it. It is the very reason that when people leave others they are devastated to the degree where they cannot function and at times even become dysfunctional. They loose their jobs, they loose their sense of self, they loose their joy and they loose their self esteem because they had it wrapped in a person that not only did not show up for them, they would not show up for them even if they wanted to. Losing our self-worth when someone walks out of our life is a sign that our self-worth was already lost before that. It makes us see that relying on someone for our self-loving views of life and love is completely wrong. Wrong in so many ways it would be hard to count.
Our self-value has nothing to do with anyone's opinion of us or whether we are in love or being loved by one person in a relationship. Our self-worth is solely dependent on us and God or Source. It is only when we know this that we can heal from a cycle of self-hate and a cycle of dependence on others who will likely fail us sooner or later and even if they do not they cannot always be that entity of self-love. We must be that person at all times.
The next time you believe that there is a need for a person to validate you, think again. The next time you think that love or being in love will cure you, think again. The next time that you believe that there is a prince charming who will lift you onto his horse, think again. Think about being your own source of love, compassion and healing. Think about becoming the person who loves you most. Be the person to love yourself the most.
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