How to Set Boundaries
People need to know your limitations and your limits. Those are your boundaries and everyone should respect them once you make it clear to them. There will be people who will not honor your boundaries so be aware that some people will never follow your boundaries because there are people who don't respect any one's boundaries. As you begin to set boundaries expect people to react to your new approach, especially when they are not accustomed to getting them from you. Letting people walk over you is a clear message that you don't have boundaries and a clear message that you need to set them. So how do you set boundaries?
1. State your boundaries from the onset.
2. Set them right away in new relationships
3. State the consequence of crossing your boundaries.
4. Stick to your boundaries even when you are tempted not to, no exceptions
State your boundaries as they arise or if you feel there is a need to do so. It is better to start by letting others know your boundaries.
Example: I don't tolerate being cursed at, ever.
Let others know there are specific consequences to crossing your boundaries. Administer the consequence when they cross a boundary. It may be that you stop speaking to them for a day, take a day of silence and desperation or it could be as severe and permanent as breaking things off for good. Make your consequence clear and fair and have them aligned with the infraction. You might feel powerful stating that you will never speak to the person again but if you end up speaking to them then expect them to do it again. Severe consequences should be left for severe behaviors.
Set your boundaries immediately. Don't wait a little while to lay it on others. Let them know right away. Don't waste any time waiting to let others know you have certain boundaries. If you wait to long and a person has crossed your boundaries you are leaving yourself open to more boundary crossings. As time elapses so does the value of your boundaries. If you state them right away there are no surprises and no excuses.
Stick to your boundaries. Don't make exceptions ever. You have the same boundary all the time and you do not waver.
1. State your boundaries from the onset.
2. Set them right away in new relationships
3. State the consequence of crossing your boundaries.
4. Stick to your boundaries even when you are tempted not to, no exceptions
State your boundaries as they arise or if you feel there is a need to do so. It is better to start by letting others know your boundaries.
Example: I don't tolerate being cursed at, ever.
Let others know there are specific consequences to crossing your boundaries. Administer the consequence when they cross a boundary. It may be that you stop speaking to them for a day, take a day of silence and desperation or it could be as severe and permanent as breaking things off for good. Make your consequence clear and fair and have them aligned with the infraction. You might feel powerful stating that you will never speak to the person again but if you end up speaking to them then expect them to do it again. Severe consequences should be left for severe behaviors.
Set your boundaries immediately. Don't wait a little while to lay it on others. Let them know right away. Don't waste any time waiting to let others know you have certain boundaries. If you wait to long and a person has crossed your boundaries you are leaving yourself open to more boundary crossings. As time elapses so does the value of your boundaries. If you state them right away there are no surprises and no excuses.
Stick to your boundaries. Don't make exceptions ever. You have the same boundary all the time and you do not waver.
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