Coach Elliott

I love the serenity prayer that says: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".  This is one of those simple mantras that we can all understand and that we struggle with all the time.  We think we can control others yet we cannot.  We think we can change others but we can't.  We think we can make things go away magically and we cannot.  Why?  Because the only thing we can change is us.  We can only change the person that we are, the actions that we take and the ones we don't take.  We have some choices yet even writhing the realm of self we only have so many choices.  What is important is that we know that we can have the choice to make a choice.  We have the power to select and to make some decisions about our selves.  We don't have the power to make choices for people who are adults and even young people who are bent on making the w...

On occasion I do something naughty like watch "The Real Housewives of..."  Like everyone else I understand that these reality shows including like "The Bachelor" are not "real".  As much as it gets pushed on us that reality shows are really real we know that much of what we see is staged for our enjoyment: Conflict and Crazy are what sells.   Now that we are clear around the real in reality we must know that our own life would not be a good subject to air on TV.  It is only those who can afford to be on TV will likely be on TV and let's be real honest, people are interested in people who have money, live well, seem sexy and can be dramatic because they have an attorney on retainer. I won't ever forget the episode of one of the housewife shows when a woman turned over the table at a banquet event, I believe some ones wedding.  I knew then that it was either staged or the person who turned the table over and cussed her head off was no emotionally...

If I were you I would not do that.  If I were you I would dump that asshole.  If I were you I would not wear that shirt again.  If I were you I would paint that green.  If I were you, oh wait I am not you. So many times we think we know what is best for someone and often times we figure that out based on what we think we would do.  Not only do we not know what we would do if we had not been through that situation we don't have any business telling others what they should do based on your truth or our opinion.  It is not fair to tell anyone what to do based on what we'd do.  It just does not make any sense. If there is a person in your life that says: "if I were you" think about it before you do what they would or think they would do.  Nothing spells disaster more than letting someone else convince you of doing things based on what they would do.  Although we often ask" What would God do?", people are not quite so wise as one would at...

I use to hear from others that being a grandparent supersedes becoming a parent.  I am not sure if that is true but I can say that for me it has been a beautiful addition to my life.  Just when I thought no one would love me more, another grandchild is born. Being a dad and a grandfather has been for me the most incredible journey.  Playng house with my own granddaughter is a fun time and a time to bond with her.   Who knew that playing with dolls would be one of the things that I would do for my kids.  Being a grandpa is the best. I am now sixty one soon to be sixty two and what I am most excited about is having more time with my wonderful kids.  This weekend my daughter came by with the kids for an overnight stay.  By the time she left I was in a little puddle of tears.  Yet I would not change anything even the sad parts when they are ready to go if only to see their eyes again. I don't want to define this experience of being a grandf...

Often times we are distracted by others because we become more focused and even obsessed with what they are doing.   Keeping our eye on ourselves is likely one of the most crucial of life skills.  I believe that when we are constantly focused on others even to the degree that we are judgemental of them it is because we are not wanting to face something inside of our self.  Something about us needs to be addressed and it feels easier to take that focus off of where it belongs when we are living in fear around something in our life that needs to be addressed.  To say that facing our fears is essential to healing is truly an understatement.  As Nina Simone so beautiful shared in her documentary when someone asked her: "What does freedom mean to you?"  "Freedom is when we let go of the fear". We are truly free when we let go of what we fear and we focus on ourselves.  When we make our self the priority over every one else we are living in our truth and ...

I have been dancing since I was old enough to stand.  I learned very early in life that dancing is fun and that having fun is healing.  There is also the connection that is so much a part of dancing with someone else, especially salsa.  Although there is a certain amount of skill in partner dancing what is important is the connection between the two people dancing. Recently I was reintroduced to dance by someone I met out dancing a few weeks ago.  I realize now that I missed that outlet and that dance was as exciting to me today as it was in the beginning.  It is a beautiful reminder to do the things that bring us joy and how getting back on the saddle as some refer to it is important. I have taught people who are not Hispanic to dance salsa.  In one case the woman I taught shared that she felt safe with me and that she'd not felt that way around a male for a long time.  On another occasion she said she felt beautiful again.  For her it was cl...

The word old is not in my personal vocabulary.  I prefer the word seasoned .  I am even OK with the word wise.  I believe that the word "old" has too many negative connotations and that many times the word old is used in a way that means to describe a person who is no longer active, is not attractive any more or cannot function well.  None of these myths are necessarily true and buying into this is a mistake.  When we are intentional we will live fully and beautifully for the duration of the time we are here.  Here's how:  Stay active:  Stay active physically and mentally.  Do the most you can physically and mentally to stay in shape and alert.  If you cannot run on a treadmill then walk briskly but do some form of cardio and challenge you mind by reading and doing things that keep your brain challenged.  Just do not stop moving. Enhance your physical appearance:  Get dressed up.  Wear what you like and be fash...

If we literally put a magnifying glass on our problems they will look bigger and likely get bigger.  What we emphasize we will for sure get more of.  Taking the opposite approach is to place the magnifying glass on positive things in our life and in our thoughts.  What we magnify multiplies.  The true meaning of this statement leads us to see that if we continue to focus on the negative we will get more of it.  It just makes sense.  If we lose one game, friend or job we must decide that instead of staying stuck in the victim mode we have to get unstuck by thinking about it and talking about it too often.  By taking the focus off of the things that happen that are hurtful, bad or painful we have the energy and time to place the magnifying glass on what is right in our life.  It is a free ride from there. Elliott Maximo Collazo Gonzalez

I have been friends with women all my life.  The likely reason for my friendships with women is that I was raised by three wonderful and wise women.  My great grandmother, my grandmother and my mom.  Then I received two daughter who have also been my teachers.  If I were to give men one good piece of advise it would be to listen and to listen carefully when women speak and take it from there.  By listening carefully men can learn all they need to know about women. Today I had a conversation with a woman who shared her experiences with men.  In both cases she was dancing with a man when one asked her if she's like to go to bed with him that evening and the other placed his hand on her private part.  Although I have heard many stories I was once again very embarrassed at how another man would treat a woman and that the level of disrespect was was so overt that it was almost unforgivable.  Lucky for both these men they were given a pass by a nice l...

We can go all of our life not asking this question yet for some of us it will become unavoidable even if it comes up in our death bed.  Even if it takes that last day on our death bed we may not ever believe until that very moment. There are many ways to worship and various types of higher beings, even the inner being as the higher being.  What we cannot deny is that there is some kind of belief almost everywhere we turn.  Still there are people in our world who do not believe in anything not even their inner wisdom.  It is hard not to think that these people may be missing the real meaning of life, believing. I believe and I don't aplogize for it even though I have been challenged.  I believe that there is a being of high power over me that helps me to decide that I do want to be here, that having fun is a part of life and that loving myself is the most important action I will ever take.  I believe that there is an inner wisdom in me that comes out whe...

Let me begin by saying that your options may be similar to mine.  The one thing to understand is that we do have options and that even when things happen that are not pleasant our option is how we react and respond to that which is out of our control.  In this blog I would like to point out some common options by sharing the positive and negative ways we digest each one. Dreadful death or Joyful celebration of Life?:  For some people death is a dreadful experience and remains a dreadful experience.  Recovery does not  seem to be an option for them and they carry the darkness of a death with them for the rest of their life.  On the other hand others who experience a death of a loved one soon go into celebration mode.  These are the people that tell funny stories about the person they lost in body.  Others like me know that death is a celebration of life and that each person who leaves this earth goes to an eternal loving place where they exist i...

For many of us we were raised to think that self-love was selfish.  The first time I heard someone say they loved them self I was floored.  I thought what I was taught which was that this person was full of them self  and egotistic.  We are not suppose to love our selves.  What is that about?  I was so wrong and now at my age and state in life I understand that loving myself is one o the most important feelings of love I will ever have.  I also understood that self-love was a pre-cursor to loving others. We need only to see people who are self-loathing and self-hating and depressed to get that loving our self is so very imperative to loving anyone else.  Not one person is capable of loving others if they despise themselves.  Not one person can love another person if they are in self-hate.  Not one person can be understanding of others or have compassion if we don't care about our own fate and our own state of being. A woman I know we...

"There's something on my mind, there's something on my mind, your miles away but but your heart feels close by.  Roses are red violets are blue, I know I'm meant to be with you." I love this song because it is about loving someone with passion and there are no barriers as to how she expresses it.  It feels like she says exactly what is on her mind, something that many of us have trouble doing.  In one of the other parts of the song she sings: "Love is not enough, why can't love be enough". She reveals the pain of being in love yet there is something that needs to be fixed or addressed.  As we know love can be painful because even love is sometimes not enough to get you though the difficult periods when one or the other person might make a mistake.  Getting past the pain or the hurt is at times possible and at other times not possible. When I have been in situations where I question whether love is enough I reach into my soul and realize that ...

Today a person of color shared that she did not understand why there was a Black history month celebrating the contributions of Black Americans.  She asked: "What about the other months" as if to say that one month of acknowledging Black Americans seemed an oddity.  I thought about being Latino and there being a Hispanic History month, pondering how I feel about this.  First I have to clarify that I don't call myself Hispanic because for me that is a name used to identify me by another culture rather than our own identity.  I like the word Latino because it feels stronger to me and an in your face word for my people and me.  Hispanic feels so fluffy and seemingly a less powerful word.  I like Latino because I decided it is a word for my culture that I like better.  Either way I must agree with this Black women that one month in a year is not sufficient for the large contribution we make every day of the year.  I would like to see our people celebr...

Oprah as many people know and some don't has established a number of new ways to communicate her brand of love to all of us.  She has established shows like: Life Class, Master Life Class, Believe, Where Are They Now, The Best of Oprah and an endless amount of specials one of which was a week of honoring African Americans hosting events that were attended by some of the most famous people in the world.  Her Believe series blew my mind in that it presented ways that people worship and heal that I would not have ever knew existed including a retreat were people posted their pictures and thoughts in a large structure that would be burned in the end, a healing activity unlike any I have ever seen.  Oprah has not retired and I for one am grateful because not one person has brought her brand of love, compassion, healing or television like her.  Oprah could have easily packed her bags and moved to an island yet she did not do this and what I believe is that she did this bec...

" There is no us and them, there is only us".  I love these words and they are surely the truth of who we are.  WE are a collective human race.  WE are all in this life and struggle together.  There are less things that are different than the same in all of us, regardless of race, money, houses or any status or profession.  Why we like to distinguish between the "haves and the have nots" is beyond my understanding in that the reality is that even if someone has more money that does not make them the haves.  Time and time again I have proved this beyond any doubt.  Children running in their underwear in Punta Cana in the Dominican Replublic smiling and laughing with such zest that care nothing of money or status.  Then we have the rich kid in the United States who commits murder because they want to ensure they inheret their parents money.  We can travel to Mexico where the children live on a small island or remote area like San Sebastián who...

Some may say that I am not qualified to speak about relationships since I have been divorced but I beg to differ.  Having been in a long term relationship that did not work helped me to understand more clearly what I needed for it to succeed and to have stayed in it.  The only way that we truly learn something is by experiencing it and hence here is my share on staying in love: Here is a list of things that may be missing in your relationship that could save it:  1. Equality : One of the reasons that people split up is because they feel like they are not being treated as an equal. Women often sight this issue and provide the evidence that their spouse does not do his share.  Equality is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.  It does not matter who makes more income or which person is the stay at home parent, equality is about doing your part in the home and in the relationship. 2. Compromise : If one person in a relationship is unwilling t...

You cannot erase pain with distractions.  No matter how hard we try to erase our pain with distractions we cannot ever erase pain, we have to feel the pain.  We are a society of non-believers and we start with not believing in ourselves, having nothing to do with God or religious beliefs.  Pain is what we get when we are under the delusionary belief that we won't ever feel it.  Life hands us pain in the form of many things from losing a job to losing a loved one.  We cannot avoid it or run from it because when we get back it is still there. I love my friends but cannot help but to want more for a woman who lost her mother and cannot get past it.  She distracts herself by planing things constantly and keeping a delusionary control over her life.  Her home is impeccable and even her closets are maticulously organized.  She leaves nothing to chance yet she cannot control her feelings and in fact hides her feelings.  Inside she is falling apart...

One of the most sure ways to make the right decision is to trust your instincts.  Trust that the answer is inside of you and that if you are led in a direction to follow it if it feels intuitive.  After all we are all intuitive in part.  All we need to do is to keep track of our feelings and when we are inclined to act then we do so trusting our inner guide and knowing we won't be led wrong by our own person inside. Intuitive people who have truly studied it have an amazing skill knowing what is going to happen to someone else never mind their own path in life. Maya Angelou stated: "when someone shows you who they are believe them".  When something tells you what is coming, believe it.  We often gets signs that there is something going on or going to happen that needs attention.  If we are in our own awareness we will understand the messages we get when we are looking for answers .  The answers are right there in front of us when we are asking yet we...

As many of you are aware the theme that has come up for me recently is about getting my own life.  As one of the main components of this theme I am becoming more and more active.  As little as a week or so ago I met someone who reintroduced me to clubs that are focused on salsa.  It was as though she came along with the perfect timing and now I am dancing again.  In addition to this my intention is to work out more and stay as mobile as possible so back to the gym and workouts that last about an hour.  With all this said I want to say that the main aspect of this new approach is that I am no longer waiting for anyone to show up for me and I am showing up for myself. In a coversation with a friend I thought of this statement that came flying out my mouth: "If you don't live with intention life will happen to you, but if you live with intent life will happen for you".  The key words here are to and for.  When we live with pupose and intention life happ...

In my own quest to get my own life vs waiting for something to come to my life I have found some truly lovely and loving ways to spend my time enjoying my own magical company.  To say that this journey has been a long overdue one is literally an underestimation, although I have not been in any kind of complete stagnant state of living.  In fact I am likely more active than the normal 62 years old American male.  For me this newness is about experiencing more and becoming a higher level of who I already am.  I have been working out at least three days a week and I am not shy so I will take myself out and eat a gourmet meal and do dancing.  One such occassion I was at the Martini Room in Elgin and danced an entire salsa song alone.  After I finished there was a young couple who were watching me and clapped for me.  I happen to love salsa and have been dancing it for a very long time. This day is once again about getting my own life.  I have been m...

Getting your own life means different things to different people but I can honestly say that my decision to get my own life now was prompted by: A: People not being as responsive or loving or nurturing as I would have like them to be.  B: People who turned their backs on me when I was diagnosed with Cancer.  C: People I initiated contact and connection with that did not do the same back.  D: The reality that I cannot be made whole by anyone else but me.  E: The sitting at home day after day hoping someone would seek me out, call me, invite me or at least be reciprocal.   I understand now that I cannot make stoves out of refrigerator people.  I don't mean to be offensive but this is my reality check and is the simplest way I can word it.  People who are cold and not nurturing are not capable of being a warm like a stove.  It is what it is.  Accepting this was my first step to recovery from the hurt and the disappointment.  They ar...

There are many ways to up our joy meter, here are some: Live in the present Leave the past behind you and live in the now.  Don't keep thinking about the past or the future but rather live in the now.  Living in any other time zone other than right now will impede you from living fully in the now and living in the now is the best place to live. Release the past Let go of the anger, resentments, sadness and abuse of the past.  Forgive others and forgive yourself because in this way you will release all that is holding you down. Do the joyful things Get up off the bed and think about what you can do today that you will enjoy.  Do all the things that bring you joy as often as possible.  Find your joy each day by making a conscious decision to do things that are joyous. Don't wait for others Waiting for others to be happy or do happy things is a mistake we all make.  Depending on being with others to be happy is not the way to find your own joy. ...

I feel exhausted from the people I either know well or have met who are self-entitled.  These are the people who think that they deserve everything even if it costs someone else money and even if it does not belong to them.  They use to be called moochers which is a word for people who take, take and take some more, giving little to nothing back.  They are the ones who lose their job, stay with you, eat your food and drink your milk and don't contribute in any way.  In a word they feel "entitled".  Entitled to other people's things, entitled to getting what they want when they want it without regard for others, taking what they need without asking and leaching off of others without spending a dime.  They are on top of it all as one would guess, selfish.   Family members are likely the most entitled folks we know because they think that if they are related to us by blood that we are here to serve them.  They are the mothers, the sisters, the...

There is no other way to honor your joy than to be focused on yourself and to take the focus off of others.  Attempting to find your joy in others is a sure way not to find it because your joy does not reside in others: your children, your spouse, your friends or the people you work with.  When you seek your joy in others you blame and shame yourself and them when they don't come through for you.  So where is your joy?  It is inside of you.  Don't ever look far for your joy and remember that others are finding their own joy and struggling to keep it.  They are not going to help you find yours and you should not expect it.  The moment that you do you will be sadly disappointed. The way to your joy is to do something every day that brings you joy.  It really does not matter what you do to be in your joyful spirit but do your best to focus on yourself rather than to include others at first.  Finding and staying happy requires that you know how...

What you think of me is none of my business.  I love this saying and believe it to the core.  What others think of me is none of my business and I will take a pass.  Whether others think me conceited or arrogant or over dressed does not matter.  What matters is what I think of myself.  Frankly I am still learning to stop myself from having an opinion about anyone and simply flowing with life with each person I meet along the way, not having a judgement of them and not expecting them to have one of me. I think Trump is an ass.  I believe that some Anglos have a false sense of superiority.  I dislike men who abuse women.  I think that a woman should wear heals with a dressy dress.  I don't understand why my friend wants to wear Converts with her bridesmaids dress.  Whatever my opinions are mean very little when the people I am talking about don't give a dam.  For me and for others like me who have expelled much too much effort in ev...

What you think of yourself is the only opinion and perception and feeling that matters.  If you feel you are a good person, a worthy soul and a wonderful human being then you must be.  If you think you are a flawed and unworthy person then you will make yourself believe it and live according to that poor perception of yourself.  When others hate on us and say things that are unkind or untrue about us we must be able so say: "that is what they think but it is not my reality".  We must coach ourselves into understanding that it is never what others think of us that really matters and in fact what others think of us both good and not so kind don't matter, either way.  Neither others positive or negative perceptions are talking to your hearts or lifting our souls permanently.  Neither the view that we are beautiful or the view that we are ugly have to have any impact on us.  We must know who we are and think through what we think of ourselves without regar...

Even though I know we have heard this over and again it is worth looking at more closely.  Faith is an element of your life that sits there in your spirit until you access it.  Faith is for everyone and not one person will have to pay for it.  It is free and not only is Faith free it is the one thing in your life that will heal you and lift you up as high as you need to go.  Faith is the reason that people like me who have struggled through a number of challenges got through it and continues to get through it. In the Believe series Oprah presented a family whose son became paralyzed as a teen from an accident.  The family who happened to be Catholic and Hispanic went on a trip to a place in Mexico where their son would have an experience of healing and where many believe healing takes place.  With tears in her eyes his mother and father took him but nothing happened.  Instead of being like others who have so little faith, his mother rejoiced in the e...

As a hard core Latino man who speaks Spanish, loves his ethic foods, loves his music and dances salsa I like to think that I have something of value to share with the younger generation of Latinos.  One evening while at a friend's with children I asked her 12 year old a question in Spanish to which she responded with "I don't speak that".  Admittedly my heart sank partially because she did not speak our language but most of all because of her response.  For me that kind of response said something about how she felt about a language that is part of her culture as a beautiful and intelligent Latina sister child.  I was saddened yet what I know is that many young people do not speak Spanish and in fact are Latino when it is to their benefit and not when it is not to their benefit.  For a child to respond with "I don't speak that" is for me a statement that one would expect a Caucasian to respond with.  The words cut me to the core and it made me sad that a ...

We are only nine days into the new year and already I feel a sense of urgency and of intent.  I have started to write a plan of action and one of the aspects of the plan is to act immediately on things that matter whether it involves business, physical health or spirituality.  Like many of you out there I am bent on this year being a year that is better: more joyful, more productive and more adventurous than the last.  Now for me there is the question: What will make this year different from the last one?: 1. Write a plan and stick to it: Writing a plan of action that includes the important aspects of your life: physical, spiritual, emotional, financial and creative, will help guide you in the direction you feel you would like to go in, one that is more fruitful and abundant than before. 2. Address any addictions or behaviors that held you back in the past: Whether it is addiction to alcohol or television addressing your addictions will free you up to do exactly wha...

Don Miguel Ruiz said it in his magical book, The Four Agreement, "don't take anything personal".  It is hard not to personalize what others say and do yet striving to not take things personal is a gift to us when we can identify the fact that what others think and do that is unkind is not our stuff to consume. We must know deep inside that nothing others say is personal to us and that as a result of standing back from it we will live a happier and fuller life.  Personalizing personifies our pain.  It is just not healthy for us to take what others say personally because what they say is a reflection of how they are feeling and has nothing to do with us.  The folks who make negative comments are doing so because they feel bad about themselves.  They are in a bad state of mind when they find it a need to put others down or do negative things. When we are in awareness about other's behaviors and that they don't belong to us we can live a life that is not effected ...

Don Miguel Ruiz said it many times: Hate and Fear are an illusion, Love is reality.  We must all understand that love is our reality and love is our right.  We were born with love in our being and the only reason we fail at love is because we have been hurt or we forgot how to love.  If we seek that love inside of our own being we will find it easily and readily.  Love is there and waiting for us to access it.  Love does not leave our being completely even when someone walks out of our life.  The truth is that we seek self-esteem by being with another person.  We believe that the key to love is for one person to love us or just be with us.  Love is deep inside of you always.  It does not go on vacation and it does not betray you or abandon you.  Love is a source of God that is there for the asking and we need not earn it or do anything drastic to get it.  We don't have to sell out to get love and we don't need to comply to anything....