Stay In Love
Some may say that I am not qualified to speak about relationships since I have been divorced but I beg to differ. Having been in a long term relationship that did not work helped me to understand more clearly what I needed for it to succeed and to have stayed in it. The only way that we truly learn something is by experiencing it and hence here is my share on staying in love:
Here is a list of things that may be missing in your relationship that could save it:
1. Equality:
One of the reasons that people split up is because they feel like they are not being treated as an equal. Women often sight this issue and provide the evidence that their spouse does not do his share. Equality is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It does not matter who makes more income or which person is the stay at home parent, equality is about doing your part in the home and in the relationship.
2. Compromise:
If one person in a relationship is unwilling to compromise in the name of love for their partner there will be a riff sooner or later. In order to maintain a love relationship we have to be willing to compromise and do some things we may not love to do just because our partner loves to do that. It could be dancing or playing soccer. Whatever the interest of our partner we must be willing to participate some of the time if we want them to honor what we like to do.
3. Winning an argument:
If you are one of those people who have to win an argument understand that every time you win you lose. Making your partner wrong and winning arguments should never be your goal. Collaborating with your partner about issues and presenting options is a sure way to keep a loving relationship. Winning is not winning when you are with someone that you will likely see the next day. Always focus on having a constructive dialog about what can be done differently, sharing your feelings honestly and productively.
4. Tell you own story:
I am mortified when a husband or wife shares something negative or too personal about the other person without their consent. I call this telling my story and my advice to anyone that wants to keep a loving relationship is to share your own story, not your spouse's. Things like: "Molly has an anger issue" or "Phillip likes to have sex too late at night for me" are a sure way to create an unpleasant situation with someone you say you love. Never tell someone else's story and never tell someone who they are. It is a sure killer of love.
5. Any abuse:
We all know abuse when we see it or feel it. The reality is that if you think it abusive then it is whether the other person believes it or not. Asking your partner to not do something that bothers you should be enough to stop the behavior. We think that abuse has to be overt and of the kind that we see in movies or televised reports. Abuse can be very subtle and can only be defined by the person who feels they are being abused. If your partner says something hurts then stop doing it so that you will stay in love.
Staying in love is work. A single rose, a card, a poem or a hug can be the very thing that brings you closer to the one you love and who loves you. If you truly want to stay in love you must be willing to give in and tell your own story. You must be willing to refrain from making the other person wrong. Love is not a game we win, it is a relationship with someone we should respect and treat fairly. Love is kind and generous and the only way to Keep it is to feed it more of what you know the other person is asking you for.
Elliott Collazo
Here is a list of things that may be missing in your relationship that could save it:
1. Equality:
One of the reasons that people split up is because they feel like they are not being treated as an equal. Women often sight this issue and provide the evidence that their spouse does not do his share. Equality is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It does not matter who makes more income or which person is the stay at home parent, equality is about doing your part in the home and in the relationship.
2. Compromise:
If one person in a relationship is unwilling to compromise in the name of love for their partner there will be a riff sooner or later. In order to maintain a love relationship we have to be willing to compromise and do some things we may not love to do just because our partner loves to do that. It could be dancing or playing soccer. Whatever the interest of our partner we must be willing to participate some of the time if we want them to honor what we like to do.
3. Winning an argument:
If you are one of those people who have to win an argument understand that every time you win you lose. Making your partner wrong and winning arguments should never be your goal. Collaborating with your partner about issues and presenting options is a sure way to keep a loving relationship. Winning is not winning when you are with someone that you will likely see the next day. Always focus on having a constructive dialog about what can be done differently, sharing your feelings honestly and productively.
4. Tell you own story:
I am mortified when a husband or wife shares something negative or too personal about the other person without their consent. I call this telling my story and my advice to anyone that wants to keep a loving relationship is to share your own story, not your spouse's. Things like: "Molly has an anger issue" or "Phillip likes to have sex too late at night for me" are a sure way to create an unpleasant situation with someone you say you love. Never tell someone else's story and never tell someone who they are. It is a sure killer of love.
5. Any abuse:
We all know abuse when we see it or feel it. The reality is that if you think it abusive then it is whether the other person believes it or not. Asking your partner to not do something that bothers you should be enough to stop the behavior. We think that abuse has to be overt and of the kind that we see in movies or televised reports. Abuse can be very subtle and can only be defined by the person who feels they are being abused. If your partner says something hurts then stop doing it so that you will stay in love.
Staying in love is work. A single rose, a card, a poem or a hug can be the very thing that brings you closer to the one you love and who loves you. If you truly want to stay in love you must be willing to give in and tell your own story. You must be willing to refrain from making the other person wrong. Love is not a game we win, it is a relationship with someone we should respect and treat fairly. Love is kind and generous and the only way to Keep it is to feed it more of what you know the other person is asking you for.
Elliott Collazo
Comments
Post a Comment