I Am Latino First! Tough Luck!

In that past ten years I endured every kind of indirect and direct racist commentary about me and around me by people who should have respected me but who not only did not respect me, they did to respect their own family member who I was unfortunately married to.  From the "N" word to things like: "Are those Puertorican shoes" not to mention so called jokes about people of color coached as if they were funny.  It was not just painful, I am still recovering from the anger and resentment but most of all for permitting it for so long.  The entire time there was complete denial until one day I finally got the admission in the form of these words exactly: "I can't help it if my family is racist".  It was then that I realized that the main culprit was my own partner.  It was horrible, actually it was the most painful experience of my life.  That kind of underhanded hatred truly followed me for months and to this day I am still healing from that brand of underhanded and evil behavior and treatment.

Today what I have learned is that the ignorance of undercover bigots is theirs to own and not about me.  Today I know better than to tolerate that sneaky closeted racist behavior.  Today I know who I am so that what they did no longer has power over me except to motivate me to tell my story and to let others of color know that we don't have to tolerate this to be accepted into white culture or people who have decided that they are better than us.  Today I know that the denial of what a family really is makes it clear that you are aligned with them and that the motive is to control someone by making them feel inferior.  Today I know that there are some people who date people of color as a novelty and because their own kind would never tolerate that kind of insulting and disrespectful acts of hate.  Today I am on my journey to heal and to know that being a Latino is beautiful and grand.

I will be loved by someone someday that respects me, that speaks my language and that tells the truth.  I know this will happen because I am a good person and I deserve better.  I know this because the lesson burned my hand and now I won't allow that kind of abuse again.  Today I know that their inferiority complex and jealousy was motivating them to be angry at me.  These people are completely unhealed and when given a book or a chance to heal will snub people like me who are spiritual and whole.  Today I forgive these ignorant people who don't have a life and who feel like they need to put down others to have value.  Today I know the lies that partners tell you are a clue to run in the other direction quickly.  I am only grateful to have been left with my soul.  They could not take that away no matter how jealous and racist they are.  No matter what they did I will not only get over it I will rise above it, in fact I have already done so.

Please don't let anyone or their family abuse you.  Please stop it immediately and understand that it will get worse.  Please have the courage to leave and not be raped emotionally and physically.  Know your worth as a person of color and understand that there are many people who date us just because we are of color but not because they love and respect us.  We have a long journey ahead of us and the first thing to do is to know the bad behavior and bypass it.  Amen.