Surround Yourself with People Who Get You
Today I received this from a friend I love very much: "Surround Yourself with People Who Get You". She is one of those people who gets me and the primary reason she does is because she listens. It inspired me to write this blog on this beautiful morning and to feel gratitude to have a friend like her and others who get me after having lost so much in my life including people who professed to be a friend to me.
Many years ago I met someone who I spent a long time with, too long in my opinion however long enough to figure out that this person did not bother to know me because he/she had not listening skills. In turn the family was exactly the same, insular and full of themselves. Not only did they not listen, they did not bother to ask any questions about me, my feelings or my upbringing. What came to me was that this was a group of people who also did not speak of anything deep or profound and in fact almost never talked about their feelings deep inside. They stayed on the surface all the time and in social situations around me were social and superficial. On the outside they smiled all the time but one the inside they were in pain and one day one of them stated that she never felt her dad loved her and did not tell her so. When I attempted to listen with my heart she immediately changed the subject. Ironically there were only spurts of time when she revealed anything to me even after ten years of knowing her I knew nothing about her and she did not know anything about me. The moral of this story is that people who get you listen and people who do not don't listen and don't care about your beliefs or feelings.
Surround yourself with people who get you, people who care about what you think and how you feel. These people will check in with you and ask questions that go deeper than questions like "How are you?" and expecting the short version "I am fine". The people who get you are the ones who know more about you because they take the time to get outside their insular self and ask questions that are meaningful and dig deeper into the matters of the heart. They are also the ones who tell you they love you and share of their feelings from their heart.
There are a lot of narcissistic men and women in the world. Those kinds of people don't get you because they don't really care. They are the same people who are in conflict with this notion of deep commitment to others and this notion that life is a give and take, rather than being takers. They are people who care only about what they think and feel like their opinions and feelings are more important than anyone else's feelings. When we meet these folks we know it yet those of us who live in a deeper place have this unfortunate hope that we can change them when in fact we cannot. In fact it seems to me that many Americans lack emotion unlike other cultures like the people in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Costa Rica or many parts of Europe who are passionate about their feelings and their love of others: family, partners or friends. I think we Americans are given the message early in life not to show our feelings and in fact hide them. To expect people to get you that are not taught to do so is like eating a poison apple and expecting someone else to die. It's a waste of time.
There are finally exceptions to people who are insular and don't get you to people who are very connected to their feelings and to yours. There are people who are taught to ask questions and feel their feelings even if it means they become emotional. There are people who don't find a need to control their feelings and to not disclose their deepest pain. There are many people who know to listen and to understand you by getting to know you more deeply and more profoundly. These are the people who get life, like my friend and who get you. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with. They are out there and all you need to do is be willing to get others by doing your part and becoming more connected and compassionate.
Many years ago I met someone who I spent a long time with, too long in my opinion however long enough to figure out that this person did not bother to know me because he/she had not listening skills. In turn the family was exactly the same, insular and full of themselves. Not only did they not listen, they did not bother to ask any questions about me, my feelings or my upbringing. What came to me was that this was a group of people who also did not speak of anything deep or profound and in fact almost never talked about their feelings deep inside. They stayed on the surface all the time and in social situations around me were social and superficial. On the outside they smiled all the time but one the inside they were in pain and one day one of them stated that she never felt her dad loved her and did not tell her so. When I attempted to listen with my heart she immediately changed the subject. Ironically there were only spurts of time when she revealed anything to me even after ten years of knowing her I knew nothing about her and she did not know anything about me. The moral of this story is that people who get you listen and people who do not don't listen and don't care about your beliefs or feelings.
Surround yourself with people who get you, people who care about what you think and how you feel. These people will check in with you and ask questions that go deeper than questions like "How are you?" and expecting the short version "I am fine". The people who get you are the ones who know more about you because they take the time to get outside their insular self and ask questions that are meaningful and dig deeper into the matters of the heart. They are also the ones who tell you they love you and share of their feelings from their heart.
There are a lot of narcissistic men and women in the world. Those kinds of people don't get you because they don't really care. They are the same people who are in conflict with this notion of deep commitment to others and this notion that life is a give and take, rather than being takers. They are people who care only about what they think and feel like their opinions and feelings are more important than anyone else's feelings. When we meet these folks we know it yet those of us who live in a deeper place have this unfortunate hope that we can change them when in fact we cannot. In fact it seems to me that many Americans lack emotion unlike other cultures like the people in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Costa Rica or many parts of Europe who are passionate about their feelings and their love of others: family, partners or friends. I think we Americans are given the message early in life not to show our feelings and in fact hide them. To expect people to get you that are not taught to do so is like eating a poison apple and expecting someone else to die. It's a waste of time.
There are finally exceptions to people who are insular and don't get you to people who are very connected to their feelings and to yours. There are people who are taught to ask questions and feel their feelings even if it means they become emotional. There are people who don't find a need to control their feelings and to not disclose their deepest pain. There are many people who know to listen and to understand you by getting to know you more deeply and more profoundly. These are the people who get life, like my friend and who get you. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with. They are out there and all you need to do is be willing to get others by doing your part and becoming more connected and compassionate.
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