Who Is A Real Friend? The Clues
While still healing from my emotional and physical health I have come to know that some people could not hack the heat. Some have quietly walked away while others have managed to blame and shame me as an excuse to walk away at a time when I needed them the most. All of them have done me a huge favor and the lesson I learned has been wonderful. I have finally found my own love inside of me and each day it gets better and through the pain I have come up with some valuable lessons about friendship and what it is to really be a friend to someone. In the meantime I feel like I wasted a part of my life worrying about people who did not worry about me, loving people who did not love me and calling and inviting people into my life that seemed not to hear or see me or my efforts. I now know what I did not know before and I am all the wiser for it.
This is what I learned:
A real friend communicates with you and when they don't they will explain why not because they love you.
A friend spends time with you and make time for you.
A person who really cares about you is there when you need them.
A friend never shames and blames you or abuses you.
A friend gifts you on occasion whether it is a monetary gift like flowers, a dinner or just a nice card.
A friend will make sure you know you love them and they've not forgotten about you.
A friend finds ways to compliment you and point out your talents and gifts to their life.
A friend is generous with you, especially when they can afford it.
A friend is abundant with their feelings and their love for you.
A real friend is honest with you in a way that is kind.
A real friend will help you out when you ask them to sometimes.
A real friend does not take advantage of you or your kindness to them.
I admit that I have been delusional. I recently had a friend say "fuck you" to me and it felt like abuse. I have waited sometimes for years for a person I considered a friend to just show up for me. I have given to a fault only to find out that the person I gave so much to did not think much of me at all when the time came and I asked for some mercy or a small favor. Sometimes we need to learn the hard way as my grandmother would put it.
What has to happen is letting go of the bitterness or resentments that come up when people take advantage of us. It is about forgiving people who have learned to use others until they are done with them because now the person is on to them. Some act as though they are your friends when in fact they have been taking all their lives, not just from you but from many others. It is a learned behavior.
When we let go of people we know are not responsive we have to forgive them. We must forgive in order to move forward and to cultivate new friends that may very well be there for you more than a person you may have known for years.
This is a true story. I met a person at work whom I had a fifteen year relationship with. This person was often sad, depressed, disappointed or feeling victimized almost constantly. I would often times ask her to look for ways to bring joy into her life: spiritual practice, therapy, therapy groups, support groups or book clubs. She had often told me that she prayed and that this was what she believed in yet over the years she became worse. I finally was on the phone one day with her looking up therapy places that were free. I asked her if she had a pen and started to recite one name and number and location of each place. I then said goodbye for the last time. What I realized was that I had been duped for many years and that this person needed help that I could never provide. It was then I knew that my loyalty to people was not normal. It was in fact bad for me.
No matter what your situation is please remember that you and you alone can create joy in your life and that the people who ride life with you must be worthy of it. there are many people to chose from and now is the time to determine who stays in your life. First become your own best friend and then go on a new journey, a journey of self love and don't settle anymore. Do this with love for yourself and others and do it today.
Coach E
This is what I learned:
A real friend communicates with you and when they don't they will explain why not because they love you.
A friend spends time with you and make time for you.
A person who really cares about you is there when you need them.
A friend never shames and blames you or abuses you.
A friend gifts you on occasion whether it is a monetary gift like flowers, a dinner or just a nice card.
A friend will make sure you know you love them and they've not forgotten about you.
A friend finds ways to compliment you and point out your talents and gifts to their life.
A friend is generous with you, especially when they can afford it.
A friend is abundant with their feelings and their love for you.
A real friend is honest with you in a way that is kind.
A real friend will help you out when you ask them to sometimes.
A real friend does not take advantage of you or your kindness to them.
I admit that I have been delusional. I recently had a friend say "fuck you" to me and it felt like abuse. I have waited sometimes for years for a person I considered a friend to just show up for me. I have given to a fault only to find out that the person I gave so much to did not think much of me at all when the time came and I asked for some mercy or a small favor. Sometimes we need to learn the hard way as my grandmother would put it.
What has to happen is letting go of the bitterness or resentments that come up when people take advantage of us. It is about forgiving people who have learned to use others until they are done with them because now the person is on to them. Some act as though they are your friends when in fact they have been taking all their lives, not just from you but from many others. It is a learned behavior.
When we let go of people we know are not responsive we have to forgive them. We must forgive in order to move forward and to cultivate new friends that may very well be there for you more than a person you may have known for years.
This is a true story. I met a person at work whom I had a fifteen year relationship with. This person was often sad, depressed, disappointed or feeling victimized almost constantly. I would often times ask her to look for ways to bring joy into her life: spiritual practice, therapy, therapy groups, support groups or book clubs. She had often told me that she prayed and that this was what she believed in yet over the years she became worse. I finally was on the phone one day with her looking up therapy places that were free. I asked her if she had a pen and started to recite one name and number and location of each place. I then said goodbye for the last time. What I realized was that I had been duped for many years and that this person needed help that I could never provide. It was then I knew that my loyalty to people was not normal. It was in fact bad for me.
No matter what your situation is please remember that you and you alone can create joy in your life and that the people who ride life with you must be worthy of it. there are many people to chose from and now is the time to determine who stays in your life. First become your own best friend and then go on a new journey, a journey of self love and don't settle anymore. Do this with love for yourself and others and do it today.
Coach E
Thank you for the reminder on true friendship
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