Coach Elliott

I am a man yet I am exhausted from this false image of women that is constantly depreciated on TV and in magazines.  I have to be honest and say that when I see these images I can understand why men think that what is pretty is a size 4 female and bypass the truth which is that the average woman is a size 14 not a 4.  If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to smack a man for his unrealistic notions of women I would likely be a very rich man.  It is shocking how many men believe that the prettiest girls are the ones that are very very very thin and that anything that does not fit that image is simply not as favorable or pretty.  I have to be the guy who does not agree.  I understand that there is a health issue for some overweight men or women but I don't understand what the obsession is with men and their perception of women and their body types. Many years ago I met a man who was about forty at the time.  He had been in only one serious relationship a...

We all know people who are crisis centered.  These are the ones who wait for the next crisis and who are not proactive.  Crisis centered people wait until something goes seriously wrong before taking action.  They know that something is going wrong in their marriage but they wait until they uncover infidelity to address the marital issues or they know they are failing at work but wait until the boss calls them in and fires them.  I contend that we live in a crisis oriented society where we are perfectly comfortable waiting until "the shit hits the fan" and then we take notice.  Suddenly we are feeling overwhelmed and don't know what the hell to do.  I think there are more crisis oriented people than there are ones who are proactive and work on their issues on an ongoing basis or do prevention work.  The person who is addicted to coke will wait until they loose their job, their home and then their job before they decide to do something about their addic...

Silence may not heal everything about you but it will help heal the emotional pain inside us.  By taking the time to be silent we honor our selves and we say yes to a time of healing.  We cannot heal with chatter and we cannot heal by keeping busy in spite of what we may think.  Even if we are busy all day long we will come to a place where we are left with our feelings and those feelings need to be acknowledged, honored and then given a chance to heal.  By becoming silent every single day we are giving our heart, spirit, mind and body a chance to heal.  We are saying that we are important enough to take the time to address things that is ailing us. The way to hold silence is to first find a private and comfortable place and close your eyes. Lay down flat on a mat or rug. Once you have done this take a few deep breaths via your nose (count to 10), hold each breath in (count to 4), and exhale through your mouth (force it all the way out).   By taking the t...

I believe that in our core-our center is all of the emotional, physical and spiritual pain that we sometimes experience.  I think that our feelings, physical pain and spiritual doubts are stored at the core of our body where our abdomen resides.  For this reason when we are upset, when we are in pain or when our spiritual doubts set in we feel it in our tummy and often times loose our appetite.  We may even throw up as a result of experiencing an emotional or physical trauma.  For this reason it is best to do the preventative work to nurture and maintain our core.  But what are some good ways to do that? Try these things: People who work out and have a six pack seem to have this confidence about them.  Their core is strong and their attitude is one that seems fearless.  When our core is physically strong and we work on the physical part of that part of our body something magical happens.  Working on the physical part of our core seems to ...

We have often heard that being in gratitude will increase our level of joy.  When we are in gratitude and appreciation for what is good in our life, we will inevitably create more of that goodness in our life.  There is really nothing more simple than this equation my friends.  Gratitude equals abundant living and lifts us from that which we struggle with each day.  When we are stuck in the darkness and in what is going wrong in our lives we bring more of that into our life and when we switch to being grateful we balance the dark parts and it overshadows anything that we are going through.  It takes time but if we are willing to do the work and to count those blessings we will find that at the end of our journey things that might make us feel fear will only serve to teach us. Gratitude is a feeling of abundance and appreciation for everything and everyone.  It is no wonder that when we are in a state of gratitude we are also in abundance,  When we ar...

I will be the first to admit that seeing the light in some people is difficult.  It is especially hard when people behave in unkind ways.  Yet seeing the light in every person is a spiritual way to live a life that is peaceful and happy.  When we are suspicious of others and believe that they will show their worse to us it only manifests more of that part of others that is dark and that we will own.  It only serves to make us unhappy and distrustful. I have decided to see the light in everyone whether or not they are a friend or a close relative.  I have had to remind myself that love costs nothing and that giving it without reservations is a wonderful thing.  I have experienced that when I am in a loving place towards everyone around me that I am much more happy.  After a are all pretty much the same and equally deserving of love.  Besides if I want to be loved then I should be the first to be the person who loves. Loving everyone is an inten...

Today is my birthday and I slept in late so that I might have the energy to go to dinner tonight and possibly go and listen to some music at a nice club.  I feel a surge of gratitude when I see that I have 125 messages on FB wishing me a Happy Birthday.  Of course the email from my daughter was the most special message where she refers to my courage and how I have been able to overcome so much in my life.  She speaks of her love for me and wishes me a happy day.  I think of what a gift both she and her sister are to me.  I have lived all my life hearing all these beautiful compliments from my daughters who believe me to be the most handsome, the best and most talented man.  Even if not all of what they say is true all the time I admit that it feels wonderful. I believe that fathers who have daughters have a built in special life filled with extra love.  When my daughters say they are daddy's girls my heart soars and when I am around them I always fee...

To some degree we have all likely gone down that road and been passive aggressive.  We do this because we do not want to appear as though we are doing something wrong, that we are angry or to get back at someone in what we think is an indirect manner.  The truth is that passive aggressive behavior is unfair, cruel and at times abusive.  We think it it to be harmless yet in the long term it can destroy a relationship between friends or partners.  It is hard to identify passive aggressive behavior but it is important to be able to see it and to put a stop to it whether it is your behavior or someone else's behavior.  The belief that passive aggressive behavior is harmless or that it is a viable solution to any conflict between people at work, at home or in our intimate relationships is very far from the truth.  In fact, passive behavior can easily destroy a friendship or a marriage. When someone pulls that silent treatment on you this is passive aggressive ...

Today more than every it seems that all things Latino have become quite popular.  Salsa, merengue and bachata dancing has become even more sought out than ever.  People who are not Latino are learning Spanish and are dancing to the strong salsa beat.  Places like Drink, Congas, Entre, and Alahambra are featuring salsa every day of the week either in the city or the suburbs.  We are back to having a person who hosts salsa night and there are some very well known DJ's that rock the salsa music and have had a following.  Even my friend has been sought out by an Italian man who is interested in dating her.  The only thing about all of this is that it feels as though we are popular for some not so lovely reasons. I have had the sexy Latino lovers conversation with many people throughout my life.  Recently I had the conversation with another Latino who has become exhausted hearing that same story about us.  We are hot, sexy, hot tempered and dramatic ...

For many of us it is hard to say no, especially if it is someone we love.  It is difficult to say no to our children and even more difficult to say no to a best friend.  We believe that by saying no we are losing points and popularity among the people we care about.  We want to be agreeable yet we know that by saying yes we are not being honest with our inner guide that is telling us to say no.  There are a variety of reasons why we cannot just say no. We want to be popular and perceived as nice:  We are human and we want others to have a view of us as a nice person.  We feel badly when others think we are not being nice.  We believe that in order to be seen as nice we need to say yes and be agreeable.  Many of us have experienced a bad situation as a result of saying no.  We think that if we say yes then we will be popular and more people will like us. We want to be accepted and gain points  All of us would like to be accepted but...

I was on the phone with a friend for over an hour when she asked me how she could leave the past behind her and move on.  I thought about it for a moment and my response flowed out of me: "forgiveness".  You have to forgive yourself and then forgive him.  I recited a forgiveness statement to her that sounded like it may resonate for her: "I forgive myself for judging myself as dumb for staying in an abusive relationship".  I then asked her to come up with her own self-forgiving statements and she came up with this one: "I forgive myself for believing that I was unworthy of a productive and loving relationship".  I then asked her: "What is the truth?".  When she could not come up with a response I responded for her with: "The truth is that I deserve to be in a loving relationship and that I am a worthy woman who has much to offer". In this same manner I want to encourage all of you out there to go deep inside of your place of compassio...

Some of us learn to write goals and then do all that we can to achieve them.  I prefer to make commitments to our selves and others and honor those commitments because they are important and they are sacred.  When we make a commitment we make a promise and when we promise to do something it is not to be taken lightly.  When we make a commitment we must begin with the thought that this is a sacred promise and that breaking it is not an option.  We may faulted but we will get up again and go back to that sacred promise.  Keeping our commitments is likely just as challenging as achieving our goals except that if it is a burning desire we will stop at nothing to keep it.  Looking at what we need to do in our life as a commitment in life is looking at what we do with a more profound and serious manner.  Let's take a look at what this means: Commitments require that we focus on every aspect of who we are:  First and foremost we must look at each a...

Unless we are physically abused we think that any other type of abuse is either is OK, does not matter or is not really abuse.  The truth is that emotional abuse can be as serious if not more than physical abuse.  Although we sometimes refer to mental abuse I want to be clear in stating that emotional abuse is different in that it is more subtle.  The difference is that mental abuse is more easily identified and is more overt while emotional abuse is what I refer to as a sneaky approach to abuse where the party couches insults in a joke, finds things wrong with you to point them out, takes away attentiveness and love when he or she wants to punish you, does not participate in the things you like to do or want to do, does not take an interest in you and on an ongoing basis does not acknowledge what is important to you and what you do well.  Emotional abuse is really more about someone doing things that are subtle but are meant to hurt you like making comments that are...

I know that there are many children who have heard their parents yell at them to turn off the TV.  Kids in the US spend way too much time watching the "boob tube" yet there are likely many more adults who spend just as much time tuning in for hours and hours at one time.  I know that for me I have to make an intentional decision to not watch TV so much when I sometimes have stagnant time or I just get hooked in.  Instead of getting to wrapped up in watching I personally turn on the music and intentionally pick up a book or write a blog.  But what is is that is wrong with watching TV?  Let me just count the numerous ways: TV is largely negative: The best reason to tune out is that the programs and commercials on TV are many times negative.  When you look at the amount of crime shows, reality shows and commercials it becomes evident that this kind of programming is going to effect our inner being and our spirit.  It is hard to control what is on TV ve...

This is likely one of the most unusual things I have written about yet I admit that is it an example of how entitled we think we can be.  On the show Judge Karen people sue each other for a variety of reasons.  In this case a man is suing his mother-in-law for not producing the wedding gift he asked for.  The mother in law is from India as well as his husband.  In India giving someone a goat is called a doarry which has meaning, however in this case the husband is Anglo and was asking for a goat alleging that in this way he would not have to cut the grass in their new 6000 square foot home on a large plot of land that his rich mother gave them as a wedding gift.  Apparently the mother in law thought that the request for a goat was.a joke or at best a mockery of her culture and instead of buying her new son in law a goat she donated a goat to a charity in his name.  The judge assumed that this was about something much deeper but ordered the mother in law to ...

For some of us letting go is only the first part of healing from a situation or a person.  The part that is even more difficult is moving on.  This part is the part where we are past the letting go and need to figure out what it is that we need to start doing differently in order to move forward.  Not just move forward but move forward and into a more happy place.  How we move on is crucial and makes a difference in our life. Here's how to move on:  Forgive Yourself:  Forgiveness for any judgmental thoughts you might have about yourself or the other person is a logical place to start. We cannot move on if we are holding anger against ourselves or others.  We cannot move on if we are still in judgement and beating ourselves up.  Thinking about how dumb we were for staying so long in a bad relationship is self-judgement an is harmful to us.  We have to forgive ourselves and know that the reason we stayed was really out of fear or insecurit...

When someone you love does not love you back what does that mean?  When someone you love disrespects you why is that?  When someone you love does not see you then what should you do?  When someone you love abuses you is that love?  In fact is any of this love?  Let's face it people who love you can be the very first ones in line to hurt you and when you die they may be the first ones in line to fight for more of the things you leave behind.  They may even complain that you did not leave money for a funeral or did not arrange your cremation.  Odd as it may seem when people who love us do not honor us it is likely the hardest decision we will make about life and whether we stay or leave.  In some cases we have loved others to our own detriment and resulting in our own death.  Not everyone who believes they love you treat you with the respect you deserve.  When that happens then what do we do? Here is what I think: Tell the truth: Tell...

I have been dancing since I was able to stand and walk.  I have always had this connection to music and have not trouble with hearing the beat and following along.  For others this is not the case and for some there is even a fear of dancing and looking foolish due to insecurity.  Many people have shared that the only time they would dance is if they were drunk or at the very least had a few drinks.  If I had my way the whole world would be dancing and I believe that it would be healing and we'd have less stress overall.  I understand from teaching salsa dance that people do find it healing and for good reason: Dancing pumps up happy : We may not believe this but dancing can make us happier.  I know this for myself because every time I dance I become more and more joyful.  There is something about dancing that brings up the he pay energy inside of me.  I have also witnessed this in others who dance.  Dancing is a great way to connect with ...

I believe that all of us have some times in our life when we think that we are not going to be able to cope.  We have good intentions and we want to keep our composure and our wits about us yet we find that it is not as easy coping as we think.  After all, life deals us some situations that are difficult and that anyone would find challenging.  Break ups, deaths, disagreements at work, defiant children, rude strangers and other things can set us off.  But there are some logical, precise and skillful ways to cope when things are not going our way: Stop and check in: Stop everything you are doing and take the time to breath for a few minutes.  Check in with yourself and ask yourself what it is that is scaring you or making you upset.  Find a quiet spot and take the time to simply shut down and allow the inner and outer messages of wisdom to come to you.  Be patient with yourself and if this involves another person be patient with them as well.  B...

Since childhood I have never truly understood why people worship famous people?  What is it that motivates us to be so attached to what famous people do, wear, think and say?  I love Meryl Streep's acting ability and I have seen movies like "Sophie's Choice" with amazement at how she could play a Russian woman in love with an abusive American man.  In Julia she plays Julia Child's impeccably yet I have no real desire to meet her and more of a desire to meet a spiritual healer in Africa for example. I am uncertain as to the main reason for people who worship famous people but my first guess is that for some of us fame and wealth is an important pair of factors and we are simply awed at the people who have both.  We believe that people who are famous are special and in fact more special than anyone else, more than we are.  Some of us are very impressed by this notion that one can have it all and that then you become a joyous person who is happier than the rest o...

Mary Laturno was a teacher who had a sexual connection with a twelve year old student.  At the time she was married.  She ended up in court and was given probation and agreed never to see the minor boy, but she did and she was caught.  Still after spending six years in jail she got out and married the student.  On top of it, and I find this to be a factor, he is Hawaiian: a man of color.  After seeing her interviewed again today by Barbara Walters I am still not convinced that this was a wise decision for him.  He missed his childhood.  He missed being a normal teen and did not spend his twenties enjoying life, possibly traveling. I am not the judge of anything but still feel badly that a woman took a child and eventually made him her husband.  I personally would feel a bit odd around a decision like this yet she seems totally oblivious to it.  Just like when she had sex with him at the age of twelve.  Although I honor Barbara I don't ...

Every day seemed like a battle for me from the time of my surgery to just recently.  Every day I fought to find my peace and serenity inside so that I could cope with the pain and the emotional turmoil that comes from a feeling of helplessness.  Like everyone else I too have struggled with feelings of despair and wondering how I can find my peace and how I would be able to get through it.  I have had my share of tests as I refer to them.  Each time I feel like I passed the life test yet somewhere in my mind I feel like I just don't need another life lesson and what I know is that I will likely get some more. Finding serenity is not like finding Nemo.  It is harder and more serious than what we see in a Disney animation that is for sure.  It is an ongoing process and here is some food for thought: Don't wait for a crisis to happen: Don't actually wait for something challenging to happen in your life to get into awareness.  Be in your awareness and ...

As I have said before I am OK with people not liking or relating to the word "meditation".  IF that is you then I suggest you label it differently and maybe some other wording fits better like: holding reverence, becoming silent, creating a sacred space or becoming quiet.  Whatever you call it understand that a daily practice where you are still and quiet has many advantages including clearing your mind and helping you to become centered and focused. Here is one way to meditate or hold reverence: Put on some "meditation or calming music" on Pandora or a CD Sit or lay in a comfortable place and close your eyes. If you prefer light some tea lights that are safely housed. Inhale through your mouth for a count of ten and hold it for a count of four.  Exhale completely and slowly out of your mouth.  Do this a few times. Return your breath to an almost normal breath but stay in your awareness of your breathing.  Be aware of your breath and do this by ...

I have been thinking about this for a long time.  I believe that life is about finding time to be serene and quiet.  Life is about quieting the voices inside our head and about centering ourselves and receiving the messages that the universe is sending to us in every moment but especially in moments when we are in need.  Life is a meditation because meditation is how we find our way back every time we stray away from what is our highest self.  Through meditation we learn what it is we need to do to further our cause and have a more complete life. When I share meditation with others I give them an option to call it what they like: silent time, serenity time, sacred space time or reverence.  No matter how you put it there is a need to become silent and to reflect and whether you call it mediation or not really is not the important part of it.  It is however important that we take the time daily to become quiet and reverent.  It is in those moments when...

I have been using the same template for making a life plan that is easy to follow.  It is simple and includes every area of our life and every aspect of who we are.  I believe that we cannot work on our spiritual self without working on our emotional and physical self because every part of who we are is connected and interrelated.  It is my life observation that working on every aspect and tying all of the parts of who we are in our sacred life plan.  If we expect change we must understand that every part of us matters and that change happens when we believe that we are strong spiritual beings having that human imperfect experience.  We will experience doubt but achieving our life goals is easy if we simply take the time to do something every day that contributes to the positive results we deserve in our life. Here are the steps to a life plan of action that is focused on opening a business:  Date of Plan:  April 27, 2016 Duration of Plan: ...