Latinos Popularity
Today more than every it seems that all things Latino have become quite popular. Salsa, merengue and bachata dancing has become even more sought out than ever. People who are not Latino are learning Spanish and are dancing to the strong salsa beat. Places like Drink, Congas, Entre, and Alahambra are featuring salsa every day of the week either in the city or the suburbs. We are back to having a person who hosts salsa night and there are some very well known DJ's that rock the salsa music and have had a following. Even my friend has been sought out by an Italian man who is interested in dating her. The only thing about all of this is that it feels as though we are popular for some not so lovely reasons.
I have had the sexy Latino lovers conversation with many people throughout my life. Recently I had the conversation with another Latino who has become exhausted hearing that same story about us. We are hot, sexy, hot tempered and dramatic people to those who do not know Latino culture and believe the myths about us as a group of people. I like to think that we are instead: passionate, well put together intelligent, romantic and love our roots. Yet the myths live on and of course it does not help that there are a few of us who might fit the bill. As a Latino I find it disrespectful for someone to refer to me as a Latin Lover. I am a passionate man who believes that love is expressed in more than a physical way via sex. Having lived in the US all my life and born in Ohio I have noted that Americans are all about sexualizing almost everything, even toothpaste. I personally have always found it odd but the struggle for me is more about people not sexualizing me and stereotyping me.
Tom who is white met Eliana when he was 40 and she was 50. Tom is "white" by his own label and Eliana Latina. Eliana spoke Spanish fluently and dressed in a variety of ways one of which was colorful. She always looked stunning and she was a smart woman with three degrees. From the start she noted that Tom and his family seemed odd and soon uncovered that they were bigoted and at times overtly racist, sometimes couching their insults in what they deemed a joke. The entire family was passive agressive and it was obvious to Eliana that they thought themselves quite the "cat's meow" as they themselves called themselves. Over time they noted that Eliana had impeccable taste and when she invited them over for any occassion she went full on with flowers, candles, white plates and cloth napkins. Yet only once or twice did Tom or his family compliment her on her talent. After a few years of feeling suppressed and insulted Eliana finally mustard up the courage to end the relationship. What she finally understood was that Tom and his family would not be changing their M.O and that in fact things were getting much worse. Tom was a classic example of someone attracted to Latino people for the wrong reasons and with a superiority complex that was never going to change. At first he denied that his family was racist and then one day blurted out to his wife, "I cannot help it if my family is racist". Yet he not only participated in the rude racist behaviors he complete lied about it from the start. During the five years he was with his wife he did not learn one sentence in Spanish and never bothered to dance salsa with her even after she pleaded for him to learn as this was her favorite thing to do.
If we are unwilling to step out of our own box we do not have any business having a relationship with a person who is of a different culture. If we are unwilling to learn some solid and concrete things about another culture of a person we are dating or married to we should stay within our own culture. It is insulting to any culture that the person who wants to be with us does not bother to learn anything about us. Accepting us is only a small and minor step. We must be able and willing to embrace that culture. We must be willing to celebrate it and defend that person from people who are bigots. The truth is that many people are sexually attracted to people of color and unfortunately that is as far as it goes. As a man of color who knows something about the human mind it is an insult to me that others expect me to curtail my natural inclinations as a Latino so that they are comportable. I will never forget meeting a woman at my party who said to my daughter: "salsa music gives me a headache". I think that the only thing that I regret was that my daughter did not tell me right away so that I could throw her out of my beautiful elegant party.
I know that the dialog about race needs to happen in our country and we need to get real about it. Racism is not dead and gone as some would like us to believe but rather in the closet where the gay people use to reside. The gays came out of the closet (wonderful) and the racist got in. That is what I believe and what many other people of color have noted. Although racism is overt at times most of it is done inside the closet behind our backs. Latinos are popular and waht I would say to our people is look at why someone is attracted to you. Is it because you are sexy or is it because they see a beautiful person with something to offer that they respect? Look out Latinos. Popular is not always good.
I have had the sexy Latino lovers conversation with many people throughout my life. Recently I had the conversation with another Latino who has become exhausted hearing that same story about us. We are hot, sexy, hot tempered and dramatic people to those who do not know Latino culture and believe the myths about us as a group of people. I like to think that we are instead: passionate, well put together intelligent, romantic and love our roots. Yet the myths live on and of course it does not help that there are a few of us who might fit the bill. As a Latino I find it disrespectful for someone to refer to me as a Latin Lover. I am a passionate man who believes that love is expressed in more than a physical way via sex. Having lived in the US all my life and born in Ohio I have noted that Americans are all about sexualizing almost everything, even toothpaste. I personally have always found it odd but the struggle for me is more about people not sexualizing me and stereotyping me.
Tom who is white met Eliana when he was 40 and she was 50. Tom is "white" by his own label and Eliana Latina. Eliana spoke Spanish fluently and dressed in a variety of ways one of which was colorful. She always looked stunning and she was a smart woman with three degrees. From the start she noted that Tom and his family seemed odd and soon uncovered that they were bigoted and at times overtly racist, sometimes couching their insults in what they deemed a joke. The entire family was passive agressive and it was obvious to Eliana that they thought themselves quite the "cat's meow" as they themselves called themselves. Over time they noted that Eliana had impeccable taste and when she invited them over for any occassion she went full on with flowers, candles, white plates and cloth napkins. Yet only once or twice did Tom or his family compliment her on her talent. After a few years of feeling suppressed and insulted Eliana finally mustard up the courage to end the relationship. What she finally understood was that Tom and his family would not be changing their M.O and that in fact things were getting much worse. Tom was a classic example of someone attracted to Latino people for the wrong reasons and with a superiority complex that was never going to change. At first he denied that his family was racist and then one day blurted out to his wife, "I cannot help it if my family is racist". Yet he not only participated in the rude racist behaviors he complete lied about it from the start. During the five years he was with his wife he did not learn one sentence in Spanish and never bothered to dance salsa with her even after she pleaded for him to learn as this was her favorite thing to do.
If we are unwilling to step out of our own box we do not have any business having a relationship with a person who is of a different culture. If we are unwilling to learn some solid and concrete things about another culture of a person we are dating or married to we should stay within our own culture. It is insulting to any culture that the person who wants to be with us does not bother to learn anything about us. Accepting us is only a small and minor step. We must be able and willing to embrace that culture. We must be willing to celebrate it and defend that person from people who are bigots. The truth is that many people are sexually attracted to people of color and unfortunately that is as far as it goes. As a man of color who knows something about the human mind it is an insult to me that others expect me to curtail my natural inclinations as a Latino so that they are comportable. I will never forget meeting a woman at my party who said to my daughter: "salsa music gives me a headache". I think that the only thing that I regret was that my daughter did not tell me right away so that I could throw her out of my beautiful elegant party.
I know that the dialog about race needs to happen in our country and we need to get real about it. Racism is not dead and gone as some would like us to believe but rather in the closet where the gay people use to reside. The gays came out of the closet (wonderful) and the racist got in. That is what I believe and what many other people of color have noted. Although racism is overt at times most of it is done inside the closet behind our backs. Latinos are popular and waht I would say to our people is look at why someone is attracted to you. Is it because you are sexy or is it because they see a beautiful person with something to offer that they respect? Look out Latinos. Popular is not always good.
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