How To Say No
For many of us it is hard to say no, especially if it is someone we love. It is difficult to say no to our children and even more difficult to say no to a best friend. We believe that by saying no we are losing points and popularity among the people we care about. We want to be agreeable yet we know that by saying yes we are not being honest with our inner guide that is telling us to say no. There are a variety of reasons why we cannot just say no.
We want to be popular and perceived as nice:
We are human and we want others to have a view of us as a nice person. We feel badly when others think we are not being nice. We believe that in order to be seen as nice we need to say yes and be agreeable. Many of us have experienced a bad situation as a result of saying no. We think that if we say yes then we will be popular and more people will like us.
We want to be accepted and gain points
All of us would like to be accepted but unfortunately we think this takes saying yes when we mean no. WE don't want to risk losing points with others: friends or family. We believe that we can get credit for saying yes and being easy to get along with.
We want to please others and not disappointment them:
Some of us are what is referred to as people pleaders. We will do anything to please others even if it is for the moment. We don't say no because we think that we will not be pleasing to others. We say yes in order to make someone else feel better when inside we end up feeling resentful and even badly.
We have become use to being yes people:
We are creatures of habit and so we do what we think is easier. We say yes for a long time and then we believe that we must always say yes. Ask Pedro because he will likely not say no. He is so use to saying yes that he does not know how to say no. It has become a habit.
Saying no has resulted in an argument or confrontation in the past
When saying no has resulted in a negative outcome we then tend to avoid saying no. If the people around us are people that we have accustomed to saying yes to then they expect it of us and therefor we ten to say yes to them. Saying yes when we mean no is in the long run being untrue to ourselves.
We did not learn to set boundaries and say no and mean it:
We rarely learn to set boundaries and say no because as children we are programmed to be agreeable and to say yes. For this reason many children are prone to being abused by people who they trust or are in a position of authority. We just did not learn to stand up to others and say no when we felt used or abused and when we knew we should of said no. We must learn to set boundaries and a large part of that is saying no.
We know why we say yes when we should say no but how do we learn to say no and still feel good about ourselves? We must know who we are and that who we are is important and valuable. We must be sure that we are worthy of saying no when others seem to be taking advantage of us or crossing our boundaries. Saying no takes practise and at first we are going to feel discomfort yet we must train ourselves to say it and mean it. Saying no is about standing up for our rights and asking for what we want and refuting what is not for us. We can only learn to say no by practicing it and really checking in with ourselves before we jump up and say yes just to be agreeable. The resentment that saying yes all the time elicits inside of us is simply not worth being agreeable. We don't do anyone a favor by saying yes constantly and we are likley to eventually become exhausted saying yes.
We want to be popular and perceived as nice:
We are human and we want others to have a view of us as a nice person. We feel badly when others think we are not being nice. We believe that in order to be seen as nice we need to say yes and be agreeable. Many of us have experienced a bad situation as a result of saying no. We think that if we say yes then we will be popular and more people will like us.
We want to be accepted and gain points
All of us would like to be accepted but unfortunately we think this takes saying yes when we mean no. WE don't want to risk losing points with others: friends or family. We believe that we can get credit for saying yes and being easy to get along with.
We want to please others and not disappointment them:
Some of us are what is referred to as people pleaders. We will do anything to please others even if it is for the moment. We don't say no because we think that we will not be pleasing to others. We say yes in order to make someone else feel better when inside we end up feeling resentful and even badly.
We have become use to being yes people:
We are creatures of habit and so we do what we think is easier. We say yes for a long time and then we believe that we must always say yes. Ask Pedro because he will likely not say no. He is so use to saying yes that he does not know how to say no. It has become a habit.
Saying no has resulted in an argument or confrontation in the past
When saying no has resulted in a negative outcome we then tend to avoid saying no. If the people around us are people that we have accustomed to saying yes to then they expect it of us and therefor we ten to say yes to them. Saying yes when we mean no is in the long run being untrue to ourselves.
We did not learn to set boundaries and say no and mean it:
We rarely learn to set boundaries and say no because as children we are programmed to be agreeable and to say yes. For this reason many children are prone to being abused by people who they trust or are in a position of authority. We just did not learn to stand up to others and say no when we felt used or abused and when we knew we should of said no. We must learn to set boundaries and a large part of that is saying no.
We know why we say yes when we should say no but how do we learn to say no and still feel good about ourselves? We must know who we are and that who we are is important and valuable. We must be sure that we are worthy of saying no when others seem to be taking advantage of us or crossing our boundaries. Saying no takes practise and at first we are going to feel discomfort yet we must train ourselves to say it and mean it. Saying no is about standing up for our rights and asking for what we want and refuting what is not for us. We can only learn to say no by practicing it and really checking in with ourselves before we jump up and say yes just to be agreeable. The resentment that saying yes all the time elicits inside of us is simply not worth being agreeable. We don't do anyone a favor by saying yes constantly and we are likley to eventually become exhausted saying yes.
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