Emotional Abuse
Unless we are physically abused we think that any other type of abuse is either is OK, does not matter or is not really abuse. The truth is that emotional abuse can be as serious if not more than physical abuse. Although we sometimes refer to mental abuse I want to be clear in stating that emotional abuse is different in that it is more subtle. The difference is that mental abuse is more easily identified and is more overt while emotional abuse is what I refer to as a sneaky approach to abuse where the party couches insults in a joke, finds things wrong with you to point them out, takes away attentiveness and love when he or she wants to punish you, does not participate in the things you like to do or want to do, does not take an interest in you and on an ongoing basis does not acknowledge what is important to you and what you do well. Emotional abuse is really more about someone doing things that are subtle but are meant to hurt you like making comments that are negative about your weight or the way you are dressed. Over time emotional abuse creates a feeling of inadequacy and brings you down. For this reason it is likely good to consider getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship where someone finds fault in your constantly, negotiates love and affection and does not accept who you are and what you value. Staying in relationships like this becomes detrimental to your emotional and spiritual self.
Margie lived with a man for several years. During the first year her boyfriend would make jokes about other ethnic groups. He would often makes comments about the cars he would see that were embellished and would say they were Mexican cars. When she wore bright colors he would say something like: "is that a Mexican dress?". In addition to his criticism and indirect disrespect for her culture his family often times made similar comments. At one point his aunt commented that her daughter was going to Spain and she was concerned because her daughter would be the only blond blue eyed person there. She added that the other day her daughter opened the door for a Mexican. On another occasion Margie was exposed to yet more insults from his mother who he coveted who said at a party in their home: "salsa gives me a headache". The truth was that the family was racist and to make matters worse he would not admit it or acknowledge their inappropriate behavior. When Margie set a beautiful place setting for dinners including white roses he did not acknowledge it and in fact would criticize it stating that it was overdone and that she was showing off. After a while Margie left the relationship because what she realized was that although not overt, her boyfriend was emotionally abusive. In the end Margie was an example of a woman who was abused emotionally and likely stayed four years too long.
Emotional abuse is the most difficult to identify and understand. It is so subtle and sneaky that it is difficult to accuse someone of it. Like mental abuse it is a manipulation of another person by putting them down or making them feel inadequate or not up to par. The people that are skilled at emotional abuse are usually people who have used criticism to keep others be holding to them and in in what they believe is their place. People who emotionally abuse others have learned that very sneaky way of making someone feel badly and for this reason we must always know who we are. Not once should we wait five years to stop the emotional abuse. I like to share a saying by Quincy Jones which is "not one drop of my self-worth depends on what you think of me". I leave you with that thought.
Margie lived with a man for several years. During the first year her boyfriend would make jokes about other ethnic groups. He would often makes comments about the cars he would see that were embellished and would say they were Mexican cars. When she wore bright colors he would say something like: "is that a Mexican dress?". In addition to his criticism and indirect disrespect for her culture his family often times made similar comments. At one point his aunt commented that her daughter was going to Spain and she was concerned because her daughter would be the only blond blue eyed person there. She added that the other day her daughter opened the door for a Mexican. On another occasion Margie was exposed to yet more insults from his mother who he coveted who said at a party in their home: "salsa gives me a headache". The truth was that the family was racist and to make matters worse he would not admit it or acknowledge their inappropriate behavior. When Margie set a beautiful place setting for dinners including white roses he did not acknowledge it and in fact would criticize it stating that it was overdone and that she was showing off. After a while Margie left the relationship because what she realized was that although not overt, her boyfriend was emotionally abusive. In the end Margie was an example of a woman who was abused emotionally and likely stayed four years too long.
Emotional abuse is the most difficult to identify and understand. It is so subtle and sneaky that it is difficult to accuse someone of it. Like mental abuse it is a manipulation of another person by putting them down or making them feel inadequate or not up to par. The people that are skilled at emotional abuse are usually people who have used criticism to keep others be holding to them and in in what they believe is their place. People who emotionally abuse others have learned that very sneaky way of making someone feel badly and for this reason we must always know who we are. Not once should we wait five years to stop the emotional abuse. I like to share a saying by Quincy Jones which is "not one drop of my self-worth depends on what you think of me". I leave you with that thought.
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