When Someone You Love
When someone you love does not love you back what does that mean? When someone you love disrespects you why is that? When someone you love does not see you then what should you do? When someone you love abuses you is that love? In fact is any of this love? Let's face it people who love you can be the very first ones in line to hurt you and when you die they may be the first ones in line to fight for more of the things you leave behind. They may even complain that you did not leave money for a funeral or did not arrange your cremation. Odd as it may seem when people who love us do not honor us it is likely the hardest decision we will make about life and whether we stay or leave. In some cases we have loved others to our own detriment and resulting in our own death. Not everyone who believes they love you treat you with the respect you deserve. When that happens then what do we do?
Here is what I think:
Tell the truth:
Tell your loved one the truth and don't pretend the next day to be OK with their bad behavior. Share the fact that you were hurt without shaming them and with as much love in your heart as possible. By telling our loved one the truth you are saying that you will continue to try to mend the relationship. Tell the truth because it is the best thing to do.
Let Go:
If you think that it is time to walk away then let go even if it is for a time period. Let go so that you can heal and so that they can think. Hanging on and pretending everything is OK when it is not is dishonest and not going to serve you. Find that place inside of you to have the courage to let go and if that means for good then time will pass and love will remain in your heart. It is especially crucial that we let go when there is abuse involved.
Extend Your Family:
If you are feeling as though you have a need for more family then find them and adopt them. Some times we become disconnected to our biological family members for whatever reasons and we could use a nurturing elder in our life. Go to the nearest senior home and offer to volunteer and adopt a grandmother or a dad. Extended family can be people who are close friends who you know have the potential to love you back.
Don't personalize it:
Try to understand that most of the time a disrespectful family member is not a reflection of who you are necessarily but rather just a person who happens to be related and who does not respect you. Try to or take it in as if they know who you are and that you are not a good person hence the way they are behaving because you deserve it. You do not deserve it and you should not accept it but at the same time you must not believe it, consume it, make it yours or personalize it.
Forgive yourself and them:
The only way to deal with the disrespect or lack of love or abuse from a loved one is to forgive them in the long run. We may need to walk away and that would be great but we still need to be in a place of forgiveness around any judgements around the relationship. We can move on more readily if we simply start by forgiving ourselves for not knowing what we finally found out. We must forgive ourselves for the lack of forgiving ourselves and for thinking that we were somehow flawed when we accepted the abuse or the disrespect. We let go of that belief so that we can go on our destined journey.
It is right to love our family. We must do all that we can to love them. We must do all that we can to heal those relationships and respect each other. Family is all we have some days and to preserve that is a wonderful deed and as it should be. The fact that we sometimes have to let them go is OK as long as we release them to the loving universe and perhaps to God. Some times all we can do is pray for them and wish them the best of the best. God may be the only one who could see them back on their path or take away the anger.
Here is what I think:
Tell the truth:
Tell your loved one the truth and don't pretend the next day to be OK with their bad behavior. Share the fact that you were hurt without shaming them and with as much love in your heart as possible. By telling our loved one the truth you are saying that you will continue to try to mend the relationship. Tell the truth because it is the best thing to do.
Let Go:
If you think that it is time to walk away then let go even if it is for a time period. Let go so that you can heal and so that they can think. Hanging on and pretending everything is OK when it is not is dishonest and not going to serve you. Find that place inside of you to have the courage to let go and if that means for good then time will pass and love will remain in your heart. It is especially crucial that we let go when there is abuse involved.
Extend Your Family:
If you are feeling as though you have a need for more family then find them and adopt them. Some times we become disconnected to our biological family members for whatever reasons and we could use a nurturing elder in our life. Go to the nearest senior home and offer to volunteer and adopt a grandmother or a dad. Extended family can be people who are close friends who you know have the potential to love you back.
Don't personalize it:
Try to understand that most of the time a disrespectful family member is not a reflection of who you are necessarily but rather just a person who happens to be related and who does not respect you. Try to or take it in as if they know who you are and that you are not a good person hence the way they are behaving because you deserve it. You do not deserve it and you should not accept it but at the same time you must not believe it, consume it, make it yours or personalize it.
Forgive yourself and them:
The only way to deal with the disrespect or lack of love or abuse from a loved one is to forgive them in the long run. We may need to walk away and that would be great but we still need to be in a place of forgiveness around any judgements around the relationship. We can move on more readily if we simply start by forgiving ourselves for not knowing what we finally found out. We must forgive ourselves for the lack of forgiving ourselves and for thinking that we were somehow flawed when we accepted the abuse or the disrespect. We let go of that belief so that we can go on our destined journey.
It is right to love our family. We must do all that we can to love them. We must do all that we can to heal those relationships and respect each other. Family is all we have some days and to preserve that is a wonderful deed and as it should be. The fact that we sometimes have to let them go is OK as long as we release them to the loving universe and perhaps to God. Some times all we can do is pray for them and wish them the best of the best. God may be the only one who could see them back on their path or take away the anger.
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