Changing the Internal Messages in YOUR Head
I have I will admit that I have struggled with internalized messages. Those internal messages come from a variety of sources: teachers, dad, but especially my mother who was a bit too verbal if you know what I mean. The struggle continues until today at the age of 61. I thank God I actually look younger because it feels to me like I have some extra time to heal from the myths that others placed on me and the ones I allowed others to place on me.
The primary source of your negative self talk will become clear to you when you study your childhood or go back to it. The messages you received then are the ones you are likely still attempting to resolve so that you can feel better about yourself.
Every morning that you get up there is a message. I believe that message to be that you are worthy of living on the premise that you are alive and breathing. Most of the time we take this for granted but one only needs to see one person struggling with their breathing to understand just how blessed we are. You and I are breathing because we are deserving of life. Or more accurately "We are deserving of life because we are breathing". That my beloveds is an affirmation. It is one of many that you and people like us can use effectively.
On the way to my doctor today I was feeling rather insignificant because on top of the health opportunity I now have a large hernia on my abdomen. It is easy to feel sorry for myself and I stated to do just that. As I drove for an hour to see him I started to think things like "what is the use?" and "Not another issue?". I then stopped at a light and started to write things like:
I am worthy of love no matter what my physical condition. I am worthy of living because my heart is beating love into me.
At times when we feel down on ourselves it's also important to note where the pain or hurt or negative messages are coming from: our mom, our dad, our uncle who molested us or the boss at work that cannot stop criticizing you? Finding the source of our self loathing and negative responses helps us to understand that these messages are false. They come from years and years of mental abuse or years and years of parents who may not have affirmed us when we needed to be affirmed and cuddles.
I have two stories about my elementary school days. I recall very little of those days with the exception of my second grade teacher Ms. Friend (mostly due to how nice she was), a boy whose mom dressed him as a male and female for Halloween in that same class (he was beautiful), my fitted glen plaid suit with pencil leg pants in eight grade and Beetle boots, getting beat up by a boy in first grade hence my sister's intervention (she beat him down) and then there were the more serious ones like: The teacher who asked me about my name Collazo (pronounced Coyaso) which prompted her to ask what kind of name that was to which I stated "I am Puerto Rican to which she stated: "What is Puerto Rican? That stuck with m the most as well as the teacher who said "your handwriting looks like chicken scratch" referring to my bad handwriting. Inside I recall thinking bad thoughts about her and choice names but soon my handwriting was impeecable. I proved her wrong. For al the experience in my schooliing career these are the ones I recall and what I know is that even to this day I will re-write a memo to make it look neater and not have any errors or scratches out. Funny how people who have power in your life can abuse it.
The story of Carrie has to be my favorite. When the teacher asked him what he was most afraid of he said "my mother's opinion of me". I was floored because she had stated how wonderful his parents were. To top it off his father caught her playing with trucks, labeled her a lesbian and sent her to therapy at the age of five. As it turned out she was lesbian. Then she states to me that she got in a relationship with a woman and her mother was constantly meddling in her relationship down to the color of car her partner and her selected. Her life was a spiral of crazy bullying by her partner and denial about her partner's family abuse. Years later she stated to her partner "I cannot help it if my family is racist" after many years of allowing her family to insult her partner couched in jokes. Jokes about her race and about how inadequate and lucky she was to be with their daughter, even ones that included crude comments and a nasty email insulting her with information that her partner had shared with her mother in law. Talk about having to change the message in your head! Wow is all I can think of saying. The damage that these individuals did was devastating to the degree that Carrie completely allowed it and of course they had a field day. Making her wrong was the main objective. Today her partner is single and happy to be away from the horrid abuse.
For her and many others, changing the inner message is not an easy task but what is in our inner language will change the world not to mention our soul.
The primary source of your negative self talk will become clear to you when you study your childhood or go back to it. The messages you received then are the ones you are likely still attempting to resolve so that you can feel better about yourself.
Every morning that you get up there is a message. I believe that message to be that you are worthy of living on the premise that you are alive and breathing. Most of the time we take this for granted but one only needs to see one person struggling with their breathing to understand just how blessed we are. You and I are breathing because we are deserving of life. Or more accurately "We are deserving of life because we are breathing". That my beloveds is an affirmation. It is one of many that you and people like us can use effectively.
On the way to my doctor today I was feeling rather insignificant because on top of the health opportunity I now have a large hernia on my abdomen. It is easy to feel sorry for myself and I stated to do just that. As I drove for an hour to see him I started to think things like "what is the use?" and "Not another issue?". I then stopped at a light and started to write things like:
I am worthy of love no matter what my physical condition. I am worthy of living because my heart is beating love into me.
At times when we feel down on ourselves it's also important to note where the pain or hurt or negative messages are coming from: our mom, our dad, our uncle who molested us or the boss at work that cannot stop criticizing you? Finding the source of our self loathing and negative responses helps us to understand that these messages are false. They come from years and years of mental abuse or years and years of parents who may not have affirmed us when we needed to be affirmed and cuddles.
I have two stories about my elementary school days. I recall very little of those days with the exception of my second grade teacher Ms. Friend (mostly due to how nice she was), a boy whose mom dressed him as a male and female for Halloween in that same class (he was beautiful), my fitted glen plaid suit with pencil leg pants in eight grade and Beetle boots, getting beat up by a boy in first grade hence my sister's intervention (she beat him down) and then there were the more serious ones like: The teacher who asked me about my name Collazo (pronounced Coyaso) which prompted her to ask what kind of name that was to which I stated "I am Puerto Rican to which she stated: "What is Puerto Rican? That stuck with m the most as well as the teacher who said "your handwriting looks like chicken scratch" referring to my bad handwriting. Inside I recall thinking bad thoughts about her and choice names but soon my handwriting was impeecable. I proved her wrong. For al the experience in my schooliing career these are the ones I recall and what I know is that even to this day I will re-write a memo to make it look neater and not have any errors or scratches out. Funny how people who have power in your life can abuse it.
The story of Carrie has to be my favorite. When the teacher asked him what he was most afraid of he said "my mother's opinion of me". I was floored because she had stated how wonderful his parents were. To top it off his father caught her playing with trucks, labeled her a lesbian and sent her to therapy at the age of five. As it turned out she was lesbian. Then she states to me that she got in a relationship with a woman and her mother was constantly meddling in her relationship down to the color of car her partner and her selected. Her life was a spiral of crazy bullying by her partner and denial about her partner's family abuse. Years later she stated to her partner "I cannot help it if my family is racist" after many years of allowing her family to insult her partner couched in jokes. Jokes about her race and about how inadequate and lucky she was to be with their daughter, even ones that included crude comments and a nasty email insulting her with information that her partner had shared with her mother in law. Talk about having to change the message in your head! Wow is all I can think of saying. The damage that these individuals did was devastating to the degree that Carrie completely allowed it and of course they had a field day. Making her wrong was the main objective. Today her partner is single and happy to be away from the horrid abuse.
For her and many others, changing the inner message is not an easy task but what is in our inner language will change the world not to mention our soul.
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