"IF YOU CANNOT FACE IT, YOU CAN'T HEAL IT"

Iynala is an inspiration to me.  She says things that most coaches would shy from because she is honest in a loving way.  She can be direct without being mean and she can say what she feels needs to be said without being cruel.  Today I heard her say "If you cannot face it, you cannot heal it".  I so agree with this and would like to launch this blog with those meaningful words.  

I use to coach a couple who used a lot ofbullying and verbal abuse in their relationship.  Thery were broken when I met them and to my dismay there was an intentional try at denying what was really there and that the relationship was not bad it was awful.  I recall one day speaking to the male and saying to him "If you don't stop your verbal abuse you are going to lose the woman you love".  He immediately became emotional.  It was at that moment that I made it clear to him that I knew of his behavior and that it was serious.  It was that kind of honesty with a smile that got him to own his stuff, own what he was doing.  When I would speak to him alone he shared that he was also being verbally abused and that he was lashing out because of his wife.  I stopped him immediately and asked him who he was responsible for, her or himself?  He admitted that he was only responsible for his behavior.  That session he saw the need to change even if his wife did not.  I in fact felt that he did so because he knew deep inside that he was the person who initiated the bad behavior and the verbal bullying.  It was his as Oprah calls it, "Aha moment".  He faced it and now he could begin to heal it.  He did what Iyanla was sharing with me and I in turn shared with him.  

God has a way of telling us that we are doing something wrong.  At first we get this soft notice, then we get a nudge as though someone pushed us and then if we still don't understand that there is an issue he bangs us over the head.  Actually she is not the one who hits us over the head.  In fact, we do this to ourselves when we go from the gentle whisper of Spirit to the hard core lesson of hell.  A hell we create as many of you have heard me say before.  

I have spent the last year not admitting that sooner or later I would not just be divorced I would loose the income I was use to and some of the luxuries of a two person household.  I ran around as if nothing was happening and not facing the entire situation from the time my X walked out to the fact that I had cancer.  I simply could not face it.  I could not speak it if not just in anger, sheer and crude anger.  Today I am much closer to admitting that this is all true and that my life is going to change.  I am going to take chances and I am going to feel hurt.  Now that I know that I am starting to heal.  I started to face it and now it is healing.  The same is happening around people who left me behind.  I now get that not facing my hurt had hindered my healing.  Now I can start and new story.  A story of growth and healing and a story of self-love.  

We cannot heal if we don't face our demons, our issues, our illness and our shortcomings.  We cannot heal if we don't admit we need to heal.  We cannot heal by pretending that nothing is wrong.  We cannot heal without knowing deep inside that love will and does heal us.  WE will heal as soon as we understand that admitting we are wrong will heal us, admitting that we need help will heal us.