When People Do Not See You?
When others do not see you they are usually people who do not look past other's exteriors. When a person sees you they know important and wonderful things about you like: your spiritual beliefs, your interests, what you believe in life, how you perceive love and even what is important and sacred to you. When others do not ask questions about you that are core questions and ones that are deep then it is likely that they are not the type of person you want to be connected to closely. These people also talk about themselves all the time. They will interrupt you when you are about to share your feelings about a topic and rant like there is not tomorrow. They don't see you, the real you, because they are so busy inside their own little limited box. They will also not tell you things about themselves that are of any importance because they are not usually in touch with their own deeper feelings and are afraid to tell others anything that is of intimacy.
For years Dianna complained that the only time her husband wanted to sit and talk was when he was offended about something she said or disappointed in something she did or did not do in accordance with his standards. After five years of being in a relationship with her husband Carlos she felt like he knew almost nothing about him because he would grill her about her feelings and experiences but never told her about his. Many times Carlos would ask for what he wanted but rarely if ever would he ask Dianna what she wanted or offer to do what she did for him. Carlos did not see her and for years she allowed him to ride the wave or more accurately she rode the wave. Then Carlos informed her that he wanted to bring someone else into their bed. Dianna did not want to do this and yet there was a part of her that would do anything for her man. This was the way she was raised. So she did what he wanted her to do with another man and her husband. Afterwards she felt ashamed and as if she were a prostitute. Her husband had managed to make her believe that having sex with other men was a big turn on to him and that he would as he put it "reward her". By this he meant that he would give her more sex. Dianna eventually realized that her husband was poor in bed and that he basically sat back while she did all the work. Needless to say the relationship broke up because like many relationships one person did not see the other. In this case Carlos was basically blind to his wife's needs and desires. In this way he could justify taking and taking and taking.
When we are in a relationship where we are not seen we are likely also not heard. What matters to us does not matter to the other person. Our interests and our passions are overlooked and in fact not counted at all. What we need does not matter because we are with a person who is insular and is a taker. We cannot change a taker into a giver. We cannot ever change a giver into taker either. In most situations like this years pass and during that time the taker takes and the giver keeps giving with the hope that he or she might get something back one day. Unfortunately what really happens is that takers don't have the slightest clue as to how to give.
If you are a giver who sees others needs and sees their attributes then you are a compassionate person as well. Givers tend to get stuck with takers because they can identify givers and will beam right to us. As givers we must uncover the fact that we are not being seen or heard but rather being taken advantage of by people who do not have the ability to see us or care about what we think. When people do not see or hear you it is something that is obvious from the start. They may be able to act as though they are interested for a few months or even close to a year but that interest is fake and it will fade. Be as clear as you can be about what you need from a relationship. Being seen and heard is a basic necessity in life and in relationships with others, even just a friend or a co-worker. There are people who want to be heard but do not hear others. There are people that want to be seen for who they are yet they are not willing to do the same for others. They will be that way the rest of their lives if they do not see their character defect. Nothing you say or do will change a person who is insular into a person who is connected and spiritual. Nothing.
Look at your relationships with every person that you know. Ask them to tell you what they know about your deepest feelings and desires and dreams. See if they can share some deeper things about you. If they can they have been hearing and seeing you. If they cannot then it might be time to move on. In the case where the person is related to you that might mean accepting that this is the kind of relationship you have with this person and simply love them for who they are. Always remember that what you feel and think is important. Always let others know when they are not listening or hearing what you have to say. Be kind to others and allow them to be who they are while selecting which people you want to continue to interact with. Lastly don't every give up on yourself and knowing that even if others don't hear you or see you it is up to you to bring meaning to your life.
For years Dianna complained that the only time her husband wanted to sit and talk was when he was offended about something she said or disappointed in something she did or did not do in accordance with his standards. After five years of being in a relationship with her husband Carlos she felt like he knew almost nothing about him because he would grill her about her feelings and experiences but never told her about his. Many times Carlos would ask for what he wanted but rarely if ever would he ask Dianna what she wanted or offer to do what she did for him. Carlos did not see her and for years she allowed him to ride the wave or more accurately she rode the wave. Then Carlos informed her that he wanted to bring someone else into their bed. Dianna did not want to do this and yet there was a part of her that would do anything for her man. This was the way she was raised. So she did what he wanted her to do with another man and her husband. Afterwards she felt ashamed and as if she were a prostitute. Her husband had managed to make her believe that having sex with other men was a big turn on to him and that he would as he put it "reward her". By this he meant that he would give her more sex. Dianna eventually realized that her husband was poor in bed and that he basically sat back while she did all the work. Needless to say the relationship broke up because like many relationships one person did not see the other. In this case Carlos was basically blind to his wife's needs and desires. In this way he could justify taking and taking and taking.
When we are in a relationship where we are not seen we are likely also not heard. What matters to us does not matter to the other person. Our interests and our passions are overlooked and in fact not counted at all. What we need does not matter because we are with a person who is insular and is a taker. We cannot change a taker into a giver. We cannot ever change a giver into taker either. In most situations like this years pass and during that time the taker takes and the giver keeps giving with the hope that he or she might get something back one day. Unfortunately what really happens is that takers don't have the slightest clue as to how to give.
If you are a giver who sees others needs and sees their attributes then you are a compassionate person as well. Givers tend to get stuck with takers because they can identify givers and will beam right to us. As givers we must uncover the fact that we are not being seen or heard but rather being taken advantage of by people who do not have the ability to see us or care about what we think. When people do not see or hear you it is something that is obvious from the start. They may be able to act as though they are interested for a few months or even close to a year but that interest is fake and it will fade. Be as clear as you can be about what you need from a relationship. Being seen and heard is a basic necessity in life and in relationships with others, even just a friend or a co-worker. There are people who want to be heard but do not hear others. There are people that want to be seen for who they are yet they are not willing to do the same for others. They will be that way the rest of their lives if they do not see their character defect. Nothing you say or do will change a person who is insular into a person who is connected and spiritual. Nothing.
Look at your relationships with every person that you know. Ask them to tell you what they know about your deepest feelings and desires and dreams. See if they can share some deeper things about you. If they can they have been hearing and seeing you. If they cannot then it might be time to move on. In the case where the person is related to you that might mean accepting that this is the kind of relationship you have with this person and simply love them for who they are. Always remember that what you feel and think is important. Always let others know when they are not listening or hearing what you have to say. Be kind to others and allow them to be who they are while selecting which people you want to continue to interact with. Lastly don't every give up on yourself and knowing that even if others don't hear you or see you it is up to you to bring meaning to your life.
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