How To Move On
There are many women especially that have been in some terrible situations and stayed because they felt emotionally or physically threatened and afraid to get out. For those women I and the ones who are still in abusive relationships I want to apologize for men who are unloving and unkind and I want to say that I understand. Until it happened to me I did not know for sure what it is like but now I do. I also found a way to move on. In fact I have uncovered many ways to move on and live my life. There is hope for you today and now. When you are exhausted and ready to move on know that I am thinking about you all. Every woman is connected and every woman is a goddess deserving of love, respect and compassion. No woman should ever have to endure verbal bullying and abuse of any kind. Yet what we know is that one out of four women will experience this type of degrading circumstances. What you all must know is that many famous and successful women like Tina Turner were victims of abuse and now warrior women.
But how do we move on? Especially when we don't have the money to rent an apartment and especially when we have been stay at home mothers. There are many women in the world who have with no resources found out that there are some resources they could utilize. Even collectively Black women went through the most extreme abuse as slaves to white men who raped them and used their bodies as if they owned them. There is a long history of abuse yet there must be a dream that this will end forever and that less and less women will tolerate it or stay inside of a situation that is like hell. What I know is that if I could move through it that you can too. What I also know is that it is not as simple as saying it. It is easier said than done.
It may be that some of you are becoming restless and weary of this subject but for me it is something that is important to understand. How do we move on after years of abuse? How to we move on? Well for one:
1. Write an affirmation about moving on and the new you. Start with the powerful and direct wording I am because it has to feel as though you are already there.
Sample: " I am a free and liberated woman who now is sure of what she wants and how she wants to be treated". Post your affirmation in your residence.
2. Engage yourself in groups that are supportive. There are many groups for women and if you get on line you will find them. If you cannot find a group start your own group in your home. Support from others like you who have had the experiences you have had are very important. Although there are men who have been abused by their partners the statistics are much lower, but it is as important to join a men's group or become a part of a women's group whether you are male or female.
3. Take time to be silent every day for a minimum of 15-20 minutes. Do this in the form of meditation or prayer or simply be silent. Silence all the chatter around you and let go. Just let go.
4. Visualize a different life. Close your eyes at night and think about the new life you will have, the home you will live in and the beautiful things all around you like flowers and your children and God. If you like make a visualization poster with pictures of things and words that represent your new life.
5. Stay out of a serious relationship. Stay completely clear of getting involved with anyone until you have worked on yourself. Get a counselor that is skilled in the area of abusive relationships and abuse survivors like you. Take the time to talk about the difficult feelings and times that you have survived. Tell your story to someone without censoring it and lying about it anymore. Once you have told your story talk about where to go from there.
6. Use every resource to find out about places where you can go and be safe and where your kids can be safe too. Ask your counselor, pastor or family to help you in this first endeavor. No material things matter so be prepared to leave them behind. Save yourself and those you love first.
The effect of slavery is still one that many Black women and men have continued to heal from. Every time they recall the slavery they become emotional. They could forget about it if it were up to those of us who feel like they should. They could stop talking about it but the truth is that racism and abuse towards Blacks is staggering. The discrimination lives on. The abuse is still taking place and there are many in jail who are innocent because they were profiled by some bigot. I am a man of color and I say don't ever forget the Holocaust or Slavery. We must never forget it but we can forgive it. We can move on from it by doing the very things every abusive person has undergone. This does not mean that we act as though abuse does not happen to women because it does.
For every woman who is experiencing abuse today I want you to know that I am sorry. I want to apologize for other men and I want you to know there is a way out.
But how do we move on? Especially when we don't have the money to rent an apartment and especially when we have been stay at home mothers. There are many women in the world who have with no resources found out that there are some resources they could utilize. Even collectively Black women went through the most extreme abuse as slaves to white men who raped them and used their bodies as if they owned them. There is a long history of abuse yet there must be a dream that this will end forever and that less and less women will tolerate it or stay inside of a situation that is like hell. What I know is that if I could move through it that you can too. What I also know is that it is not as simple as saying it. It is easier said than done.
It may be that some of you are becoming restless and weary of this subject but for me it is something that is important to understand. How do we move on after years of abuse? How to we move on? Well for one:
1. Write an affirmation about moving on and the new you. Start with the powerful and direct wording I am because it has to feel as though you are already there.
Sample: " I am a free and liberated woman who now is sure of what she wants and how she wants to be treated". Post your affirmation in your residence.
2. Engage yourself in groups that are supportive. There are many groups for women and if you get on line you will find them. If you cannot find a group start your own group in your home. Support from others like you who have had the experiences you have had are very important. Although there are men who have been abused by their partners the statistics are much lower, but it is as important to join a men's group or become a part of a women's group whether you are male or female.
3. Take time to be silent every day for a minimum of 15-20 minutes. Do this in the form of meditation or prayer or simply be silent. Silence all the chatter around you and let go. Just let go.
4. Visualize a different life. Close your eyes at night and think about the new life you will have, the home you will live in and the beautiful things all around you like flowers and your children and God. If you like make a visualization poster with pictures of things and words that represent your new life.
5. Stay out of a serious relationship. Stay completely clear of getting involved with anyone until you have worked on yourself. Get a counselor that is skilled in the area of abusive relationships and abuse survivors like you. Take the time to talk about the difficult feelings and times that you have survived. Tell your story to someone without censoring it and lying about it anymore. Once you have told your story talk about where to go from there.
6. Use every resource to find out about places where you can go and be safe and where your kids can be safe too. Ask your counselor, pastor or family to help you in this first endeavor. No material things matter so be prepared to leave them behind. Save yourself and those you love first.
The effect of slavery is still one that many Black women and men have continued to heal from. Every time they recall the slavery they become emotional. They could forget about it if it were up to those of us who feel like they should. They could stop talking about it but the truth is that racism and abuse towards Blacks is staggering. The discrimination lives on. The abuse is still taking place and there are many in jail who are innocent because they were profiled by some bigot. I am a man of color and I say don't ever forget the Holocaust or Slavery. We must never forget it but we can forgive it. We can move on from it by doing the very things every abusive person has undergone. This does not mean that we act as though abuse does not happen to women because it does.
For every woman who is experiencing abuse today I want you to know that I am sorry. I want to apologize for other men and I want you to know there is a way out.
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