Five Tips about S.E.X
I was watching Dr. Phil on OWN Oprah's network and although it has turned from demure to a little moree like Jerry Springer there are still some very good episodes. Today they were talking about couples who met and married within a few months and how much trouble they are having connecting including in the area of intimacy. There were some valid reasons brought up by both the woman and the man in the relaitonship and it started me thinking about my own experience around sexuality, intimacy and sex and this is what I arrived at:
1. One person in the relationship cannot do all the work. There are too many relationships where one person lays back and the other person does all the work. Intimacy is a two way street and each person must strive to do their part to pleasure the other person. If one person sits back (the way my X did most of the time) the other person will become tired of doing all the work, become discouraged and even get to the place where they dread sex with that kind of partner. Just do your part, it's really that simple.
Do and say what you expect of your partner. If you want her to wear a sexy red nightgown your should wear some nice red silk undies for her. If you want her to get naked and wear just her heels then you should be willing to keep your gym socks and gym shoes on if that is what makes her turned on. So many men expect their wives to be that sexy slim woman and they are this not so sexy overweight man who is wearing a "comb over" when he should shave his head to look sexier or more appealing. Be who you want of your partner or spouse or lover.
Initiate sex. Don't be afraid to be rejected. Don't expect your wife or husband to always initiate intimacy. Do your part in introducing it on any given day and time. Day or night. Be tender in your approach or sexy in how you approach your partner. Show that person you are interested in them and find them sexy and attractive. If your partner is always asking for intimacy from you they will eventually get tired of doing so, especially when you reject them.
Ask for what you want and be willing to do what you want of the other person. If you want to be touched in a certain way then be willing to do the same for your partner. If you want to be held after sex ask for that and insist that it be a part of the closing of a loving intimate time together. Expect to do the same for him or her.
Get the help you need if it is getting bad. Know that your emotional relationship will effect your sexual relationship. Don't be dishonest. There is often times an underlying reason that sex is weaning. It is the mind telling the body that you are not feeling so good about your partner and the way they treat you. It is your mind and theirs fighting for who gets what and when. The emotional self is attached to the sexual self. Using sex as punishment by either not giving it or almost raping your partner with rough sex is really an angry emotional act as well as physical. Don't wait until it comes to where you are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Address the emotional things that are tied into why you are not having great intimacy and remember that intimacy and sex can be different things even though I have used them synonymously. Intimacy is loving and sex is an act. Intimacy and sex together are a beautiful combination. Intimacy is when you trust the other person with your body, emotions and feelings around sex. Intimacy is when you hold her or him after sex. Intimacy is when you kiss during sex. Intimacy is the flowers you give her before you ask her to have sex with you and afterwards when you use one and spread the pedals on the bed and over her body.
Now there you have it. Get to work! Find that mojo again between you and the one you love. Get the toys you need to play with. Behave in ways that are not just sexy but intimate. Ask for what you want and you will soon see that if you give what you want things will turn out great.
If you like what you are reading please like my coach elliott page on facebook. See a whole new light and perspective almost daily that I write for you with love. Coach Elliott
1. One person in the relationship cannot do all the work. There are too many relationships where one person lays back and the other person does all the work. Intimacy is a two way street and each person must strive to do their part to pleasure the other person. If one person sits back (the way my X did most of the time) the other person will become tired of doing all the work, become discouraged and even get to the place where they dread sex with that kind of partner. Just do your part, it's really that simple.
Do and say what you expect of your partner. If you want her to wear a sexy red nightgown your should wear some nice red silk undies for her. If you want her to get naked and wear just her heels then you should be willing to keep your gym socks and gym shoes on if that is what makes her turned on. So many men expect their wives to be that sexy slim woman and they are this not so sexy overweight man who is wearing a "comb over" when he should shave his head to look sexier or more appealing. Be who you want of your partner or spouse or lover.
Initiate sex. Don't be afraid to be rejected. Don't expect your wife or husband to always initiate intimacy. Do your part in introducing it on any given day and time. Day or night. Be tender in your approach or sexy in how you approach your partner. Show that person you are interested in them and find them sexy and attractive. If your partner is always asking for intimacy from you they will eventually get tired of doing so, especially when you reject them.
Ask for what you want and be willing to do what you want of the other person. If you want to be touched in a certain way then be willing to do the same for your partner. If you want to be held after sex ask for that and insist that it be a part of the closing of a loving intimate time together. Expect to do the same for him or her.
Get the help you need if it is getting bad. Know that your emotional relationship will effect your sexual relationship. Don't be dishonest. There is often times an underlying reason that sex is weaning. It is the mind telling the body that you are not feeling so good about your partner and the way they treat you. It is your mind and theirs fighting for who gets what and when. The emotional self is attached to the sexual self. Using sex as punishment by either not giving it or almost raping your partner with rough sex is really an angry emotional act as well as physical. Don't wait until it comes to where you are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Address the emotional things that are tied into why you are not having great intimacy and remember that intimacy and sex can be different things even though I have used them synonymously. Intimacy is loving and sex is an act. Intimacy and sex together are a beautiful combination. Intimacy is when you trust the other person with your body, emotions and feelings around sex. Intimacy is when you hold her or him after sex. Intimacy is when you kiss during sex. Intimacy is the flowers you give her before you ask her to have sex with you and afterwards when you use one and spread the pedals on the bed and over her body.
Now there you have it. Get to work! Find that mojo again between you and the one you love. Get the toys you need to play with. Behave in ways that are not just sexy but intimate. Ask for what you want and you will soon see that if you give what you want things will turn out great.
If you like what you are reading please like my coach elliott page on facebook. See a whole new light and perspective almost daily that I write for you with love. Coach Elliott
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