Facebook Frenzy

For those of you who spend long hours, day after day, on FaceBook this blog may not be the one for you.  I must admit that FaceBook has become a concern for me because it has become for many their main source of communication.  I believe that due to FB we have become out of touch with our feelings, using it as a source of intimacy and a place where we share our deepest feelings or beliefs.  Although it is called a social media it has become a place where people judge others, people post negative remarks and even get into a public battle.  We have used FB to insult others and put them down as well as to share our loving feelings when in fact much of what we post should be sacred and kept private.

I noticed a while back that a good number of people I know including family members communicated more on FB than they did in person.  In fact I would call some of these so called friends, leave a message and never hear from them, yet I would see constant and extreme numbers of posts on FB.  It validated for me that FB has become a frenzy for some who would rather not be  intimate with me and I suspect others one on one.  It is more responsibility and work to be intimate with friends by spending time with them, calling them or emailing them.  For those who are dependent on this social media it is a way for them to convince themselves that they are communicating love or connecting with others when in fact it is just being social.

Americans are notorious for withholding their feelings.  When others from around the world visit us they will make that observation of us sighting how disconnected from our feelings we are.  We have had a surge of awareness around this fact which has prompted companies to have provide employees with a place to workout, a place for child care and in some cases a venue where they can nap or chat with others.  Some of us have come to the conclusion that we cannot seperate our humaness from our work or our work from being human and having needs and feelings.  In the meantime we have FaceBook where people are busily attempting to find intimacy though what is just not the appropriate venue for truly being intimate or connected to others.  Americans love the many ways that we can conceal our feelings rather than to show them whether they are feelings of love, anger or elation. We are taught to subdue these feelings and in fact hide them.  As a result we have many fans of FB because we have a need to express our feelings.  The trouble is that we use it to replace real connections with others.

I have known a person in California for many years now.  I liked him and at one time he shared his deepest feelings about life, family and even some things from his past that were quite personal.  I was honored and thought that we would develop a closer relationship now that he'd taken his mask off and revealed his intimate feelings, even crying as he recanted his financially privileged upbringing.  Once I got back to Chicago I decided to reach out to him and to call him and do some FaceTime on our phones.  At first I could tell he was not comfortable with this kind of intimacy where I would see his face and he saw mine.  It was a feeling of discomfort that eventually resulted in him not answering my calls and one he mentioned was "weird".  In fact it was strange and foreign for him to be this intimate and communicate in a way that required him to see me and to be seen.  Afterwards and from then on he communicated via FaceBook where he posted anything and everything about his life.  Not only did he get a great reception, many people responded with such excitement that it was as if his life story was equivalent to that of a famous person.  What I deduced was that he was a person who was not comfortable with intimacy and that that time he opened himself up to me was simply a moment in time.  The rest of the time he conceals the feelings and pretends to be happy, smiling and laughing almost constantly and underneath it all concealing what he is really feeling.  This is such a typically American M.O.

I am American and I know that I too have lived outside my feelings, hiding from intimacy and avoiding the responsibility of living in connection with those around me.  I have used my blog to share feelings that in some cases has been a little too much for others and that I use to vent or let out some toxic stuff in my life like my divorce.  I admit that I use to be on FB for much too much time in a day.  I shared good things and perhaps some things I should have talked to a person about one on one.  I spent some time on social media because I was lonely and thought that if others found their joy there I would too, but it did not turn out to be accurate.  I did not feel any happier nor did I feel connected to anyone.  The way to truly live connected is to be willing to be intimate and spend time and effort doing the work and being present as much as we possibly can.That is my intention now, today and for the rest of my life.