My Lucy My Angel
Today the women I was married to passed in her sleep as I sat with my daughter and her uncle at the kitchen table. At one point I got up to check on her and found that she had passed on. She had fallen asleep and left us silently in her sleep without incident. Before she passed she had reached out with both her hands to our daughter in what seemed to me to be a final goodbye. It felt to me as though she could not speak and that this was a large effort for her but it felt as though this was her final gesture of love towards our daughter who had cared for her each day. Her passing was for me one of the hardest and yet I had a feeling of being honored because I was there and witnessed it. My life would likely never be the same again after that moment.
Luz was a woman that I knew for 47 years, someone I have met her when we were both 14 years old. I happened to end up in her home with my cousins for a party at her home and at that time I knew deep inside that she was the woman who I would marry and at 19 I ended up married to her. It was on that day after setting my eyes on her for the first time that I became focused on her and not being able to forget her. On one visit to Chicago from Ohio where I was in college I decided to look her up and from that point on I easily fell in love with her. For me it was the moment in time that was as if love had come to my heart and I was determined to have her in my life. I was married to her for 10 and a half years. These were the best years of my life and to this day I never felt that kind of unconditional, pure, honest and impactful love. Not ever.
Luz is not with me anymore yet for me she is my only soul mate. Although I had left the marriage because of my attraction to men I have come full circle and there are times now when I wish I had stayed in the marriage because no male ever compared to the kind of connection and love that I felt with her. I never felt that any man had the kind of kindness, generosity and would sacrifice an even close amount of the kind of compassion that she had every day during our relationship. In fact my relationships with men were unhealthy and based on a dependency and even jealousy and competition, none of which are good characteristics of a love relationship. I am only consoled by the idea that I will pass some day and be with her as her husband in a place of peace and eternal life.
I would not trade my experiences in life, all of them, for anything in life. I had the chance to be with people who were my teachers whether it was negative or not. My entire life was an ongoing life journey with all of the things happening that were suppose to happen. I have no regrets because I ended up knowing what real love looks like, feels like and is like. Luz Maria was that person who God decided to place in my life for me to know this and carry this in my heart forever. She was that person who taught me what love truly is and what the elements of love are. The equality, the support, the collaboration, the laughter and the emotions we shared were all the essence of what love is and will always be for me.
Today I sit at my home with my daughter who is most like her mother. She is a strong woman like her mother. She is for me the same kind of person as was my wife. She is kind, giving, wise, funny and beautiful. When I look at her made up and dressed I see Luz Maria again and yet a woman who is different from her mom as well, having her own gifts and her own character. She reminds me that life is short and to make the best of everything. She believes in me and supports my spirit and hopefully I support her spirit. We will spend some months together getting to know each other better and giving her a chance to just feel some peace in the suburbs with me with a back yard view of a small lake. We will enjoy this time sharing the memories and maybe even emoting and shedding the tears that come from missing her mom and the love of my life.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
Luz was a woman that I knew for 47 years, someone I have met her when we were both 14 years old. I happened to end up in her home with my cousins for a party at her home and at that time I knew deep inside that she was the woman who I would marry and at 19 I ended up married to her. It was on that day after setting my eyes on her for the first time that I became focused on her and not being able to forget her. On one visit to Chicago from Ohio where I was in college I decided to look her up and from that point on I easily fell in love with her. For me it was the moment in time that was as if love had come to my heart and I was determined to have her in my life. I was married to her for 10 and a half years. These were the best years of my life and to this day I never felt that kind of unconditional, pure, honest and impactful love. Not ever.
Luz is not with me anymore yet for me she is my only soul mate. Although I had left the marriage because of my attraction to men I have come full circle and there are times now when I wish I had stayed in the marriage because no male ever compared to the kind of connection and love that I felt with her. I never felt that any man had the kind of kindness, generosity and would sacrifice an even close amount of the kind of compassion that she had every day during our relationship. In fact my relationships with men were unhealthy and based on a dependency and even jealousy and competition, none of which are good characteristics of a love relationship. I am only consoled by the idea that I will pass some day and be with her as her husband in a place of peace and eternal life.
I would not trade my experiences in life, all of them, for anything in life. I had the chance to be with people who were my teachers whether it was negative or not. My entire life was an ongoing life journey with all of the things happening that were suppose to happen. I have no regrets because I ended up knowing what real love looks like, feels like and is like. Luz Maria was that person who God decided to place in my life for me to know this and carry this in my heart forever. She was that person who taught me what love truly is and what the elements of love are. The equality, the support, the collaboration, the laughter and the emotions we shared were all the essence of what love is and will always be for me.
Today I sit at my home with my daughter who is most like her mother. She is a strong woman like her mother. She is for me the same kind of person as was my wife. She is kind, giving, wise, funny and beautiful. When I look at her made up and dressed I see Luz Maria again and yet a woman who is different from her mom as well, having her own gifts and her own character. She reminds me that life is short and to make the best of everything. She believes in me and supports my spirit and hopefully I support her spirit. We will spend some months together getting to know each other better and giving her a chance to just feel some peace in the suburbs with me with a back yard view of a small lake. We will enjoy this time sharing the memories and maybe even emoting and shedding the tears that come from missing her mom and the love of my life.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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