"Soft Core Abuse" (continued)
This is part 2 of my blog on soft core abuse written earlier today. There are in fact some more subtle ways of abuse that some of us may not identify so readily as abusive.
Here are some additional "soft core" abusive situations:
Your partner will not defend you against his or her family, friends or others.
The experience of being attacked and mocked by your partner's family is truly humiliating especially when your partner is cowardly and will not defend you, your background, your race, your beliefs or your human rights. There is nothing quite as bad as a partner who will not defend you against his or her people who are abusive and who they know are abusive. To add insult to injury you may be getting the message that it is just as much you as them and that you asked for it. When someone you care about allows this to happen they are on board with the abuse for the most part and are more Quilty than his friends or family doing the insulting and making your life hell.
Your spouse makes you wrong as often as possible.
When someone you are with makes it a point to make you wrong and make them self right this is a form of abuse. The message is that what you think, know or feel is wrong. There are only so many times someone can make you wrong until you finally begin to believe it or until it irritates you and rightfully so. People who make it a point to make others wrong are constantly finding fault in others thinking that they will feel better about themselves. The sad part of this kind of person is that they profess to love the person they are constantly trying to make wrong and make feel stupid. It is likely a way to feel like they have power over someone when in fact it is much like bullying. No one is right all the time and people who make their spouses wrong are simply not in harmony with what love is supposed to look like, feel like and be like.
The person who claims to love you is jealous of you and also competitive.
Competition has no place in relationship. When a partner wants to compete with you it is another form of putting you down by winning, whether it is a game or information about something. Competitive people are normally not cooperative people nor are they ones who naturally gravitate towards collaboration with others. These people get into relationships and because they tend to be jealous of others and wanting to be better then others they are not great partners. In fact they can use competition as another form of putting a partner down and making them feel they are not good enough. Competition may seem like fun when one is playing a game of monopoly or checkers but when coupled with put downs and a yearning just to beat the other person it becomes a form of abuse. Why would anyone want to compete with their own partner and be so happy to defeat them if not just for the purpose of feeling superior?
The person who you are living with and sleep with is asking you to do or say things that are odd.
It is in fact classic for some men to ask their wives to bring another woman into their bed. Although it may seem like it is just a fantasy it is also a way of pimping your spouse. Asking your partner to bring another person to the bed is exactly the same as mental abuse. Making him or her responsible to make your fantasy come true is abuse because it demeans that person and let's you off the hook. The more subtle form of sexually related abuse is when someone is asked to talk dirty and act out the other person's fantasy of him or her having sex with someone else. It is another way of demoralizing someone you pretend to love. At the core of this kind of behavior is someone who is selfish and self-serving who uses another for their pleasure as if that person were living to serve them. It is likely a little more than soft core abuse.
When forceful angry sex is disguised as kinky or fun.
There is a fine line between forceful and angry sex and rape. One is likely the sister of the other, especially when the person you are with is asking to be hit or wanting to hit you or getting on top of you and in minutes having an orgasm. If it walks like a duck as they say, it is a duck.
to be continued...
Here are some additional "soft core" abusive situations:
Your partner will not defend you against his or her family, friends or others.
The experience of being attacked and mocked by your partner's family is truly humiliating especially when your partner is cowardly and will not defend you, your background, your race, your beliefs or your human rights. There is nothing quite as bad as a partner who will not defend you against his or her people who are abusive and who they know are abusive. To add insult to injury you may be getting the message that it is just as much you as them and that you asked for it. When someone you care about allows this to happen they are on board with the abuse for the most part and are more Quilty than his friends or family doing the insulting and making your life hell.
Your spouse makes you wrong as often as possible.
When someone you are with makes it a point to make you wrong and make them self right this is a form of abuse. The message is that what you think, know or feel is wrong. There are only so many times someone can make you wrong until you finally begin to believe it or until it irritates you and rightfully so. People who make it a point to make others wrong are constantly finding fault in others thinking that they will feel better about themselves. The sad part of this kind of person is that they profess to love the person they are constantly trying to make wrong and make feel stupid. It is likely a way to feel like they have power over someone when in fact it is much like bullying. No one is right all the time and people who make their spouses wrong are simply not in harmony with what love is supposed to look like, feel like and be like.
The person who claims to love you is jealous of you and also competitive.
Competition has no place in relationship. When a partner wants to compete with you it is another form of putting you down by winning, whether it is a game or information about something. Competitive people are normally not cooperative people nor are they ones who naturally gravitate towards collaboration with others. These people get into relationships and because they tend to be jealous of others and wanting to be better then others they are not great partners. In fact they can use competition as another form of putting a partner down and making them feel they are not good enough. Competition may seem like fun when one is playing a game of monopoly or checkers but when coupled with put downs and a yearning just to beat the other person it becomes a form of abuse. Why would anyone want to compete with their own partner and be so happy to defeat them if not just for the purpose of feeling superior?
The person who you are living with and sleep with is asking you to do or say things that are odd.
It is in fact classic for some men to ask their wives to bring another woman into their bed. Although it may seem like it is just a fantasy it is also a way of pimping your spouse. Asking your partner to bring another person to the bed is exactly the same as mental abuse. Making him or her responsible to make your fantasy come true is abuse because it demeans that person and let's you off the hook. The more subtle form of sexually related abuse is when someone is asked to talk dirty and act out the other person's fantasy of him or her having sex with someone else. It is another way of demoralizing someone you pretend to love. At the core of this kind of behavior is someone who is selfish and self-serving who uses another for their pleasure as if that person were living to serve them. It is likely a little more than soft core abuse.
When forceful angry sex is disguised as kinky or fun.
There is a fine line between forceful and angry sex and rape. One is likely the sister of the other, especially when the person you are with is asking to be hit or wanting to hit you or getting on top of you and in minutes having an orgasm. If it walks like a duck as they say, it is a duck.
to be continued...
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