How To Deal With Loss
Many years ago I read a book called "Necessary Losses" after losing my sister to suicide. I wanted to understand losing someone I loved and to be able to accept it. Most of all I wanted to be able to move on. I did learn a few basic tips and now that I have experienced more lossesin the form of death and divorce I am better versed in addressing losses and moving on.
Here are some self-loving ways that you can address your losses:
1. Forgive the person and the situation.
Forgive the person for any wrong doing or your perceptions of what he or she may have done to hurt you, disappoint you or even abuse you. Holding on to the resentments and anger towards others is truly "like drinking poison and expecting the other person do die". When you lose in relationship it really means that you are not suppose to be with that person forever and that you have an opportunity to live a different life, maybe a better life. Forgiving the other person and yourself is key in creating a new life and moving forward. When someone dies try to think of them in a positive light and let go of any resentments towards that person by forgiving them completely.
2. Reframe the situation or circumstances. Think of of your loss from a different prospective. See it as something that is not unusual and think about the good times. Reframe death and look at it as a journey to a higher place where others go and live happily without suffering and without any troubles. Look at the death of a person who is suffering and know that taking that journey ends that suffering. In some cases (suicide, freedom to choose) look at the death as a choice that the person has made. Perceiving death as a journey helps us to understand that perhaps life is taking a different form and not ending completely. Your perception of your loss will help you or harm you. Some of us view death of a loved one as a punishment while others look at it as something that has to happen in our life cycle. Finding positive aspects about death and emphasizing the positive helps us to know that we can move on and still love that person we lost.
3. Honor the person with rituals and celebrations.
Finding ways to honor the person we lost and even celebrating them will help us to process that loss. Lighting a candle next to a beautifully framed picture of the person that has passed is one of the many ways we can honor them. We celebrate their life when we talk about the good times, the memories and the humorous things they said and did.
4. Accept the inevitable. We are born and we do die.
Accepting that life begins and ends is likely the best way to tell ourselves that this is a normal and that we are going to experience it. We are born and we do die. It is what everyone will experience as sooner or later and if we simply accept it we will likely be able to handle it better. It is not easy to accept this fact and we don't want to think about it all the time, reliving darkness every day, but we do want to be realistic about this life fact.
5. Imagine their beautiful journey and ultimate new life.
There are many ways to look at death and for some it is that we live eternally in a place we often refer to as heaven. Others believe we will be reincarnated and return in a different form. Making death a beautiful journey for the one we love and lost is a magical way to perceive loss. We can imagine the person we love living in a heavenly and peaceful place. Our belief about where people go when they die is the only belief that matters. We can make that belief something of beauty or something of sadness and pain. We can navigate from the pain to the beauty seeing our loved one in a wonderful and magical place.
Death and loss is not easy. The main thing is acceptance and being able to move from acceptance to a place of celebration and of knowing. The way we look at loss can be from a place of acceptance or a place of resistance. When we take on a self-loving perception of death and other losses we can move into a place of loving. We may feel as though we will never be ready to move from our grief to a new life where we celebrate it the way many cultures do because it is a new beginning.
Here are some self-loving ways that you can address your losses:
1. Forgive the person and the situation.
Forgive the person for any wrong doing or your perceptions of what he or she may have done to hurt you, disappoint you or even abuse you. Holding on to the resentments and anger towards others is truly "like drinking poison and expecting the other person do die". When you lose in relationship it really means that you are not suppose to be with that person forever and that you have an opportunity to live a different life, maybe a better life. Forgiving the other person and yourself is key in creating a new life and moving forward. When someone dies try to think of them in a positive light and let go of any resentments towards that person by forgiving them completely.
2. Reframe the situation or circumstances. Think of of your loss from a different prospective. See it as something that is not unusual and think about the good times. Reframe death and look at it as a journey to a higher place where others go and live happily without suffering and without any troubles. Look at the death of a person who is suffering and know that taking that journey ends that suffering. In some cases (suicide, freedom to choose) look at the death as a choice that the person has made. Perceiving death as a journey helps us to understand that perhaps life is taking a different form and not ending completely. Your perception of your loss will help you or harm you. Some of us view death of a loved one as a punishment while others look at it as something that has to happen in our life cycle. Finding positive aspects about death and emphasizing the positive helps us to know that we can move on and still love that person we lost.
3. Honor the person with rituals and celebrations.
Finding ways to honor the person we lost and even celebrating them will help us to process that loss. Lighting a candle next to a beautifully framed picture of the person that has passed is one of the many ways we can honor them. We celebrate their life when we talk about the good times, the memories and the humorous things they said and did.
4. Accept the inevitable. We are born and we do die.
Accepting that life begins and ends is likely the best way to tell ourselves that this is a normal and that we are going to experience it. We are born and we do die. It is what everyone will experience as sooner or later and if we simply accept it we will likely be able to handle it better. It is not easy to accept this fact and we don't want to think about it all the time, reliving darkness every day, but we do want to be realistic about this life fact.
5. Imagine their beautiful journey and ultimate new life.
There are many ways to look at death and for some it is that we live eternally in a place we often refer to as heaven. Others believe we will be reincarnated and return in a different form. Making death a beautiful journey for the one we love and lost is a magical way to perceive loss. We can imagine the person we love living in a heavenly and peaceful place. Our belief about where people go when they die is the only belief that matters. We can make that belief something of beauty or something of sadness and pain. We can navigate from the pain to the beauty seeing our loved one in a wonderful and magical place.
Death and loss is not easy. The main thing is acceptance and being able to move from acceptance to a place of celebration and of knowing. The way we look at loss can be from a place of acceptance or a place of resistance. When we take on a self-loving perception of death and other losses we can move into a place of loving. We may feel as though we will never be ready to move from our grief to a new life where we celebrate it the way many cultures do because it is a new beginning.
Comments
Post a Comment