CRABBY MEN
As I venture into this idea of how men can improve, learn and be better partners and friend I focus this blog on the response that I got from one woman who was asked what she did not want in a man. Her response was: "men who are crabby". She elaborated a little more by stating that she would rather her husband go have a drink with a friend before he came home than to come home right away with a crab on his shoulder as I have now coined it. Another woman I know who is a good friend adddresses this issue on a weekly and sometimes a daily basis. Her husband "gets in a funk" and he isolates and puts on a face, crossing his arms and looking quite like a little boy that is angry. Another woman shared that her man would get in a funk because she would tell him that they could not afford to buy a new car. This comment was made to me by anothere woman whose husband wanted to be on an endless vacation and would get upset at the fact that he did not actually have vacation time or the money to go on one. Men who are moody have something in common and that is that they tend to take out there issue on their loved one: wife, girlfriend or lover.
Women have been making this complaint for years to me. One of them was my X-wife who rarely said anything and dealt with it as if it were her duty to do so. Today she would send me to hell immediately and we are thank goodness good friends. Women have been dealing with "moody" men for all time. It seems like it goes back to the days of the dinosaur. Men seem to feel like a woman's job is to help them to find their joy when in fact for most women it is a bit of a joke to think that they are responsible for their husband or guys joy. Women don't want this job and they would rather not sign up for it.
So when men get "moody" or mean spirited it is really up to them to do the work they need to do to snap out of it. It is their job to go from zero to sixty by pushing the pedal themselves and if they exceed the speed limit of life they should do what it takes to become well and not place anyone else in danger, which reminds me of the guy who drives like a nut when he is mad and places his girlfriend in danger, sometimes facilitating her getting out of the car, asking to be left there rather than to be placed in that kind of dangerous situation.
How do we address our moody attitude? Well there are many ways to do that but one is to get silent and take the time to be alone in your mood. Embrace it and admit that you are angry or upset. Acknowledge it first and then either meditate, pray or lay down for some quiet time. It is up to men to get the help they need whether is is an anxiety medication or an anti-depressant. It is up to him to address his own anger and resentments and fears. It is not up to a woman to fix him.
I will admit my story here and now because I want other men to know that I was that person. I was that "moody' husband and for days on end I was angry and resentful about something. It was not always justified but there were times when it was. Either way what I realized was that I had a disorder and that I shouldl be on medication for anxiety. I realized that it was triggered by a feeling of abandonment because my dad left us when I was six years old never to be seen again. I had a lot of work to do and started with therapy when I was a teen. Now I am sixty years old and I am on anti-anxiety meds and on anti-depressants that help me to sleep well. I wish I had surrendered to this fact a long time ago because frankly my bad moods got me in trouble and did nothing for my relationship. There is nothing to be ashamed of but a lot of men are ashamed of the fact that they cannot control their feelings. I see it as a chemical imbalance and that it is neccessary to address that imbalance with medication. I feel grateful to have that option in my life and that I can have some help addressing my emotional illness. Between cancer and divorce there was no way I could have done it on my own. With therapy and medication I am doing very well.
Men of the world must face the fact that you cannot make depression go away by denying it or denying their feelings. Women don't want to baby sit us and we have the responisbility to get help and do the things we need to do to get well, like exercise, meditate, pray and take medication if we need to do that. Women are very understanding of men who have chemical imbalances. They are compassionate if the man is williing to admit he has an illness and works on it. Even women who are bipolar have great relationships with men as well as men with the same illness. We cannot be ashamed of it but rather confront it with love and compassion, not expecting others to fix us.
Women have been making this complaint for years to me. One of them was my X-wife who rarely said anything and dealt with it as if it were her duty to do so. Today she would send me to hell immediately and we are thank goodness good friends. Women have been dealing with "moody" men for all time. It seems like it goes back to the days of the dinosaur. Men seem to feel like a woman's job is to help them to find their joy when in fact for most women it is a bit of a joke to think that they are responsible for their husband or guys joy. Women don't want this job and they would rather not sign up for it.
So when men get "moody" or mean spirited it is really up to them to do the work they need to do to snap out of it. It is their job to go from zero to sixty by pushing the pedal themselves and if they exceed the speed limit of life they should do what it takes to become well and not place anyone else in danger, which reminds me of the guy who drives like a nut when he is mad and places his girlfriend in danger, sometimes facilitating her getting out of the car, asking to be left there rather than to be placed in that kind of dangerous situation.
How do we address our moody attitude? Well there are many ways to do that but one is to get silent and take the time to be alone in your mood. Embrace it and admit that you are angry or upset. Acknowledge it first and then either meditate, pray or lay down for some quiet time. It is up to men to get the help they need whether is is an anxiety medication or an anti-depressant. It is up to him to address his own anger and resentments and fears. It is not up to a woman to fix him.
I will admit my story here and now because I want other men to know that I was that person. I was that "moody' husband and for days on end I was angry and resentful about something. It was not always justified but there were times when it was. Either way what I realized was that I had a disorder and that I shouldl be on medication for anxiety. I realized that it was triggered by a feeling of abandonment because my dad left us when I was six years old never to be seen again. I had a lot of work to do and started with therapy when I was a teen. Now I am sixty years old and I am on anti-anxiety meds and on anti-depressants that help me to sleep well. I wish I had surrendered to this fact a long time ago because frankly my bad moods got me in trouble and did nothing for my relationship. There is nothing to be ashamed of but a lot of men are ashamed of the fact that they cannot control their feelings. I see it as a chemical imbalance and that it is neccessary to address that imbalance with medication. I feel grateful to have that option in my life and that I can have some help addressing my emotional illness. Between cancer and divorce there was no way I could have done it on my own. With therapy and medication I am doing very well.
Men of the world must face the fact that you cannot make depression go away by denying it or denying their feelings. Women don't want to baby sit us and we have the responisbility to get help and do the things we need to do to get well, like exercise, meditate, pray and take medication if we need to do that. Women are very understanding of men who have chemical imbalances. They are compassionate if the man is williing to admit he has an illness and works on it. Even women who are bipolar have great relationships with men as well as men with the same illness. We cannot be ashamed of it but rather confront it with love and compassion, not expecting others to fix us.
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