Faith
I am battling with my lack of faith and my desire to have more faith. There are times when I feel so challenged by what is going on with me physically. Where will I end up and where will my health issues go next? What will I do once I am faced with a divorce in court? How will I spend the rest of my life? I know none of the answers to these questions. I have no idea where I am going to end up. I feel anxious and in a state of fear for part of every day. I have to allow the feelings because whether I like it or not they are not just going to go away on their own.
I think if I had just a little bit of faith and truly believed that I would not be in fear and I would not feel this anxiety. I know that if I could go into my soul and find the little faith I need I would get through this more easily and with more grace. Yet I struggle with that little bit of faith I need. I seem to think that I do have some faith because I am still standing and I am still crying and laughing. I am still thinking and I am still expressing.
I guess what is beginning to occur to me is that I must have some amount of faith and that the evidence of this is that I am here today and alive. I can walk almost normally and I am eating well and exercising three days a week. There must be some amount of faith in me that is getting me through this difficult time.
I no longer get to live ignorant and arrogantly. I have had so much happen to me that I cannot ignore it. It has changed my entire life as I knew it. The cancer, the partner checking out and the illness I have developed since the treatments. I cannot pretend that what has happened to me has not impacted my entire life because it has. I cannot pretend that someone I loved and honored walked at a time when I needed him the most. My faith has been tested for sure and how I address this pain is going to make all the differenc in the world.
Yesterday out of the blue I called a friend in California. She reacted immediately to my call by asking me how knew to call her and how much she needed me to call. She was struggling with some things in her life that she needed to talk about. I was guided to call her and that is all I know hence I picked up the phone and dialed her up. I knew it intuitively to make that call. I knew in the moment to call her and my faith in my intuition played out in my actions.
Faith is the battle we fight often when we are faced with issues that are hard to address and life deals us a card that is hot and hard to even hold in our hand. I personally want to share that I am wanting to be in a faithful place and my intention is to be in a place of knowing that God will provide. Now all I have to do is pray. Now all we must do is pray.
Elliott Collazo
I think if I had just a little bit of faith and truly believed that I would not be in fear and I would not feel this anxiety. I know that if I could go into my soul and find the little faith I need I would get through this more easily and with more grace. Yet I struggle with that little bit of faith I need. I seem to think that I do have some faith because I am still standing and I am still crying and laughing. I am still thinking and I am still expressing.
I guess what is beginning to occur to me is that I must have some amount of faith and that the evidence of this is that I am here today and alive. I can walk almost normally and I am eating well and exercising three days a week. There must be some amount of faith in me that is getting me through this difficult time.
I no longer get to live ignorant and arrogantly. I have had so much happen to me that I cannot ignore it. It has changed my entire life as I knew it. The cancer, the partner checking out and the illness I have developed since the treatments. I cannot pretend that what has happened to me has not impacted my entire life because it has. I cannot pretend that someone I loved and honored walked at a time when I needed him the most. My faith has been tested for sure and how I address this pain is going to make all the differenc in the world.
Yesterday out of the blue I called a friend in California. She reacted immediately to my call by asking me how knew to call her and how much she needed me to call. She was struggling with some things in her life that she needed to talk about. I was guided to call her and that is all I know hence I picked up the phone and dialed her up. I knew it intuitively to make that call. I knew in the moment to call her and my faith in my intuition played out in my actions.
Faith is the battle we fight often when we are faced with issues that are hard to address and life deals us a card that is hot and hard to even hold in our hand. I personally want to share that I am wanting to be in a faithful place and my intention is to be in a place of knowing that God will provide. Now all I have to do is pray. Now all we must do is pray.
Elliott Collazo
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