Lessons or Manifestations?
I have been plowing through the book "Miracle Prayer" and today was a hard one for me because of the emphasis on we get what we ask for and manifest each and everything that happens to us. Although to a large degree I do believe this to be true it makes me crazy to think that all that has happened to me I manifested, thought it and made it happen, evcen the minor car acccident not to long ago that I had. I remember being angry when it happened and then feeling later that if I had managed that anger I would not have hit that car when I went to park my car. I created that sitaution and I hate to think I made this happen just burns me.
When I get up in the morning and the first feeling is a good one the day seems to go beautifully. I go from one experience to the other with this happy face and this happy attitude. Everything seems to go really nicely and everyone I come into contact with smiles at me and seems ready to serve me in any way I would need or like, while on the other hand when I get up in a funk the day is lousy and everyone I look at look at looks back at me with some form of darkness or sadness or confusion.
My very best days of my life have been the ones where I believe that everything is wonderful and there is a lightness in my heart. These are the days that go well, the ones where I look at the trees and find them to be beautiful and look at the children and see them as miracles. My best days are those when I believe what I deserve is goodness and the days where I am not in judgement of myself. I am feeling free and clear of the past and free and clear to enjoy what I have.
So if I am responsible for everything that happens to me then I am responsible for my cancer. That is a hard pill to swallow and I am not sure if I want to accept this truth. I created something so monsterous and huge in my life. Something that can kill me and something that is going to make me suffer. I thought myself into this desease? I did this? I am not ready to consume that as yet. I am not ready to believe that I created this desease. I know that to some degree this must be my truth but I just cannot face it. I smoked for a long time. I abused my body for a long time. I stayed in a relationship where I was not happy for a long time. I did not set boundaries hence I created an illness in my body that speaks to my lack of boundaries.
It is not useful for me to blame and shame myself and I won't do that. In fact I forgive myself for smoking for so many years. It was where I was at emotionally that led me to smoking and to the addiction of cigarettes. This was a time in my life when I was working a job I did not like and it went from bad to worse until I had to quit the job or possibly get fired. It was a time in my life when I was making all the wrong decisions about loving myself but I still forgive myself for all of it. In order for me to move past this I have to forgive Elliott. I made my mistakes, I created this awful illness and now I have to move on and do things differently, provided this self manifesting is the truth.
Forgiveness is key whether we believe we made happen whatever we created in our life. We cannot move on if we don't forgive ourselves and others. Knowing that we ar fogiven and knowing we can start again without the baggage from the past. Creating a new collective thought that we are worthy and being loved and honored. Even eating the right foods and taking better care of ourselves. We cannot change the things we did and said but we can change what we say and do from this day on.
When I get up in the morning and the first feeling is a good one the day seems to go beautifully. I go from one experience to the other with this happy face and this happy attitude. Everything seems to go really nicely and everyone I come into contact with smiles at me and seems ready to serve me in any way I would need or like, while on the other hand when I get up in a funk the day is lousy and everyone I look at look at looks back at me with some form of darkness or sadness or confusion.
My very best days of my life have been the ones where I believe that everything is wonderful and there is a lightness in my heart. These are the days that go well, the ones where I look at the trees and find them to be beautiful and look at the children and see them as miracles. My best days are those when I believe what I deserve is goodness and the days where I am not in judgement of myself. I am feeling free and clear of the past and free and clear to enjoy what I have.
So if I am responsible for everything that happens to me then I am responsible for my cancer. That is a hard pill to swallow and I am not sure if I want to accept this truth. I created something so monsterous and huge in my life. Something that can kill me and something that is going to make me suffer. I thought myself into this desease? I did this? I am not ready to consume that as yet. I am not ready to believe that I created this desease. I know that to some degree this must be my truth but I just cannot face it. I smoked for a long time. I abused my body for a long time. I stayed in a relationship where I was not happy for a long time. I did not set boundaries hence I created an illness in my body that speaks to my lack of boundaries.
It is not useful for me to blame and shame myself and I won't do that. In fact I forgive myself for smoking for so many years. It was where I was at emotionally that led me to smoking and to the addiction of cigarettes. This was a time in my life when I was working a job I did not like and it went from bad to worse until I had to quit the job or possibly get fired. It was a time in my life when I was making all the wrong decisions about loving myself but I still forgive myself for all of it. In order for me to move past this I have to forgive Elliott. I made my mistakes, I created this awful illness and now I have to move on and do things differently, provided this self manifesting is the truth.
Forgiveness is key whether we believe we made happen whatever we created in our life. We cannot move on if we don't forgive ourselves and others. Knowing that we ar fogiven and knowing we can start again without the baggage from the past. Creating a new collective thought that we are worthy and being loved and honored. Even eating the right foods and taking better care of ourselves. We cannot change the things we did and said but we can change what we say and do from this day on.
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