Done Unto You
"It is done unto you as you believe"
What a simplistic way of seeing life. How simple an equation we wield power over. Whatever you believe is exactly what will happen. We did not get those beliefs from mid air but rather from all types of places and sources and experiences. I think we start to formulate them as soon as we are born. I especially feel that children who are born under stressful circumstances already have a fight on their hands to become a believer that they are unworthy or they were not wanted. Of course the extreme of it is the child who is born of an addict and who in turn is born addicted. How in God's name does a child like that make it and feel good about themselves? How does he or she get through that kind of trauma that is so immediate as they come to the world? Of course anything is possible and yet so many times we don't ever recover from the messages of our teachers, the painful way we were born or the conditional love of a parent.
I use to get livid when my former partner use to tell one of my granddaughters that they were not being a good girl or that good girls are so special. I would want to peel him off the floor and throw him across the room for saying such nonsense, the same nonsense he was fed as a child. I of course spoke up and asked that he not say that to them but he never rally understood or bothered to understand why I was so ademant about it. To me it was this terrible message that if you act a certain way you will be loved, accepted or given some special reward. What a crock of shit and what a horrible thing to raise a child to think.
Long after we get the wrong messages about who we are and our worth we carry the legecy with us and we beat ourselves up. We no longer need that person, teacher, parent or bully to tell us we are not worth shit we tell it to ourselves. We carry on the legacy of lies and we carry the wounded child everywhere we go. If we were told as was a good friend of mine that we were worthless we carried this lie around as if it was the truth long after this individual was gone from our life, whoever that person was and what capacity they had in our life. We do to ourselves as we believe or were made to believe.
How is it that so many people have so much power over us either to empower us or disempower us. To love us or to shun us. To make us believe that we are only good when we behave nicely and in a manner they find acceptable. We become adults involved with adults who help us to carry on the myths about who we are and tell us who we are day after day until it is so ingrained in us that we cannot feel joyful anymore.
We are what we think we are and that is just the plain simple truth. We are what we determine we are and if it is that we are beautiful and kind then that is who we become more of. Having been an abused child myself I can tell you that the hardest thing I ever did was to forget the lies and start all over again with the truth. I am a child of God. That is the truth. I am worthy of love. That is the truth. I deserve to be held when I am in need and that is my truth. I did not deserve to be shunned by any of the people in my life who professed to love me and who made love conditional on whether I agreed with what they said or did. Not even the man who put a knife to my throat one summer evening who I did not beg to not kill me but rather convinced him of his own demise. How that would be on his mind and the people who loved him. I loved him and I wasn't ashamed of it. He was a raging alcoholic who was in a lot of pain and he was worthy of all the love I gave him. I don't even care how that sounds. He was and is a child of God.
How you believe yourself to be is who you are. It may be painful at times but that is the law of the truth of our being. We are as we think it. We must review and practice who we really are because the outside influences are all around us all the time and we have to know who we are or we will get swallowed up into that abiss called our own form of hell or as I sometimes say it: Our own special hell.
What a simplistic way of seeing life. How simple an equation we wield power over. Whatever you believe is exactly what will happen. We did not get those beliefs from mid air but rather from all types of places and sources and experiences. I think we start to formulate them as soon as we are born. I especially feel that children who are born under stressful circumstances already have a fight on their hands to become a believer that they are unworthy or they were not wanted. Of course the extreme of it is the child who is born of an addict and who in turn is born addicted. How in God's name does a child like that make it and feel good about themselves? How does he or she get through that kind of trauma that is so immediate as they come to the world? Of course anything is possible and yet so many times we don't ever recover from the messages of our teachers, the painful way we were born or the conditional love of a parent.
I use to get livid when my former partner use to tell one of my granddaughters that they were not being a good girl or that good girls are so special. I would want to peel him off the floor and throw him across the room for saying such nonsense, the same nonsense he was fed as a child. I of course spoke up and asked that he not say that to them but he never rally understood or bothered to understand why I was so ademant about it. To me it was this terrible message that if you act a certain way you will be loved, accepted or given some special reward. What a crock of shit and what a horrible thing to raise a child to think.
Long after we get the wrong messages about who we are and our worth we carry the legecy with us and we beat ourselves up. We no longer need that person, teacher, parent or bully to tell us we are not worth shit we tell it to ourselves. We carry on the legacy of lies and we carry the wounded child everywhere we go. If we were told as was a good friend of mine that we were worthless we carried this lie around as if it was the truth long after this individual was gone from our life, whoever that person was and what capacity they had in our life. We do to ourselves as we believe or were made to believe.
How is it that so many people have so much power over us either to empower us or disempower us. To love us or to shun us. To make us believe that we are only good when we behave nicely and in a manner they find acceptable. We become adults involved with adults who help us to carry on the myths about who we are and tell us who we are day after day until it is so ingrained in us that we cannot feel joyful anymore.
We are what we think we are and that is just the plain simple truth. We are what we determine we are and if it is that we are beautiful and kind then that is who we become more of. Having been an abused child myself I can tell you that the hardest thing I ever did was to forget the lies and start all over again with the truth. I am a child of God. That is the truth. I am worthy of love. That is the truth. I deserve to be held when I am in need and that is my truth. I did not deserve to be shunned by any of the people in my life who professed to love me and who made love conditional on whether I agreed with what they said or did. Not even the man who put a knife to my throat one summer evening who I did not beg to not kill me but rather convinced him of his own demise. How that would be on his mind and the people who loved him. I loved him and I wasn't ashamed of it. He was a raging alcoholic who was in a lot of pain and he was worthy of all the love I gave him. I don't even care how that sounds. He was and is a child of God.
How you believe yourself to be is who you are. It may be painful at times but that is the law of the truth of our being. We are as we think it. We must review and practice who we really are because the outside influences are all around us all the time and we have to know who we are or we will get swallowed up into that abiss called our own form of hell or as I sometimes say it: Our own special hell.
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