Where I Am At

I want to take a little break from the blog about men and what women want.  I woud like to tak about how it feels to have lymphedema and to be faced with this delima of tryin to stop swelling and be comfortable.  I am going to a physical therapist at least twice a week getting lymphatic massages.  It feels like I am lucky to have this type of therapy and at the same time I worry all the time about how I will live with this health opportunity.  I want so badly for it to just go away and feel normal for just one day but today brought it all to the forefront for me when the therapist wrapped my leg, my foot and my toes.  We are hoping that this procedure will bring the swelling down.  Of course now I have this wonderful challnege of keeping my leg wrapped and the rest of my body clean.  I decided I will give myself what I call " a sponge bath" using a towel to clean the rest of the parts that are not wrapped.  The other idea was to wrap my leg in plastic but number one I don't have the platic that large and number two no one to assist me in putting it on.

I can feel sorry for Elliott.  It would be pretty easy to feel sorry for me, but I would rather not.  I find that route self-destructive and something that will just impede my healing process.  I have to look at this as love.  Someone, a therapist, showed me some love by wrapping my foot, leg and toses with precision.  I have to look at it as the healing process and one that I must accept.  I want to say embrace but frankly I am not there yet.  I will accept it and that is as far as I can go now.  The lymphedema is a rerminder that there is a journey in motion and that presently I am being asked to care for myself.  I keep my foot up and I have found some pants that will fit over the contraption I have on my leg.  It is a part of the trip I need to take I guess.  It is the trip that I am going to take all by myself with the love and support of those who can give it when they can give it.

Now I have finished my dinner and desert and it is time for me to start to retire.  I have to wash off the exposed parts of me.  I am forced to care for myself even though I wish someone were here to help me out a little, just a little.  My mind goes in every direction.  My heart goes in other directions where I feel a need to be loved from an outside source.  Then I realze that I am that person that will love me enough to continue to take those steps up and then down again.  With the little faith I have I continue to believe that my life is just as worth living as anyone else's life.

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