WWMS (What Would Marilyn Say"
"Sometimes good things fall apart so that so that better things can fall together"
Marilyn Monroe
I would add two words to this great quote: "or bad" It would read: Sometimes good or bad things fall apart so that better things can fall together" I would add it because in many cases the situation that women are in are ones that are bad and leaving those relationships makes room for better things to come to her. She can make room for the "better things to fall together". This is in itself the most difficult thing a lot of women can do and in fact many women have not been able to make room for the good things to happen because of their addiction or their fear. Abused women are an example of how bad things don't fall apart and the results can be devastating. So many times the women is killed at the hands of a lover, boyfriend or husband. That is when good things or bad things don't come apart and complete themselves but rather end in tragedy. Marilyn makes a good point. In order for the good things to happen to us we must be williing to let go of something. What that something is may be different for different women.
I have coached couples who have fought long and hard to stay in their relationships. In some cases there is mental abuse that is so clear and concise that one could cut it with a knife. It is hard to believe that these women stay in these relationships but it is up to them, not us, to judge whether the good out weighs the bad. It is not up to any one of us to be the judge. Battered and verbally abused women must decide for themselves For some thier strong love and loyalty keep them in the situation and in the love relaitonship. Although we may not see the love, she does. And although Marilyn is saying don't stay so that you can experience a better life, even she cannot really know the depth and scope of love between an abusive man and his wife. A touchy subject indeed and the extreme of it.
Yes, sometimes good things fall apart or the perception of a good thing. A woman who has a great financial life with her husband who lives in a gorgeous home and has four beautiful kids may opt to see this as a wonderful and good thing that she would rather not end. She may feel obligated to stay in the relationship for the sake of her kids. She may even stay with the agreement that her husband strays but he brings home the bacon and she would rather let it be. Other women don't feel this way and no matter what the situation is or how good the food is or the beautiful car she drives feels a committment to herself and her children to let that "good thing" go and make room for a possible future of a new beginning filled with joy and independence.
I stayed in my relationship for a long time because my partner had me insured. For two years I felt like things were not quite right but I needed the insurance. He made sure to remind me that he insured me even when I was diagnosed with cancer. I exeperienced that as cruel while at the same time I experienced it as a desperate reason on my part to stay and take whatever comments and reminders he threw my way that felt like abuse. I decided to stay and not look into Obama care and do what I needed to do to move on. Even during my repose in California I knew that the love in that relationship was a love of convenience and that I was being judged because I selected to heal naturally for a little while and having the hope inside me that only a spiritually based man could understand. I sometimes dreaded the evening calls because they were inevitably small talk. I was rarely asked about my feelings or deep heart centered opinions. I had to force it out of myself to share what I felt needed to come out of me. In the end it was a sign that it was time to let go and time to move on and time to be who I was rather than what someone wanted me to be. As long as I did what he felt was his idea of right then all was well but if not all hell broke loose and I was set aside much like a figurine would be placed inside a cabinet.
I don't regret a moment and I think that it taught me the very best lesson I will ever learn in my life. Despite the pain and agony that I went through alone I was convinced that being alone would be preferable and hearing more stories coached in a joke would be toxic for me. Even after he insisted that I tell him that I loved him whild sidated on meds I was even more sure that I had made the right decision not to cave in and not to go back to a place where I was not just unhappy I was devastated by the abdonment and the fantasy that he seemed to be living in.
Every person has experienced this happening to them. Well at least a lot of us. What we need to know is that staying is usually not the best option.
Marilyn Monroe
I would add two words to this great quote: "or bad" It would read: Sometimes good or bad things fall apart so that better things can fall together" I would add it because in many cases the situation that women are in are ones that are bad and leaving those relationships makes room for better things to come to her. She can make room for the "better things to fall together". This is in itself the most difficult thing a lot of women can do and in fact many women have not been able to make room for the good things to happen because of their addiction or their fear. Abused women are an example of how bad things don't fall apart and the results can be devastating. So many times the women is killed at the hands of a lover, boyfriend or husband. That is when good things or bad things don't come apart and complete themselves but rather end in tragedy. Marilyn makes a good point. In order for the good things to happen to us we must be williing to let go of something. What that something is may be different for different women.
I have coached couples who have fought long and hard to stay in their relationships. In some cases there is mental abuse that is so clear and concise that one could cut it with a knife. It is hard to believe that these women stay in these relationships but it is up to them, not us, to judge whether the good out weighs the bad. It is not up to any one of us to be the judge. Battered and verbally abused women must decide for themselves For some thier strong love and loyalty keep them in the situation and in the love relaitonship. Although we may not see the love, she does. And although Marilyn is saying don't stay so that you can experience a better life, even she cannot really know the depth and scope of love between an abusive man and his wife. A touchy subject indeed and the extreme of it.
Yes, sometimes good things fall apart or the perception of a good thing. A woman who has a great financial life with her husband who lives in a gorgeous home and has four beautiful kids may opt to see this as a wonderful and good thing that she would rather not end. She may feel obligated to stay in the relationship for the sake of her kids. She may even stay with the agreement that her husband strays but he brings home the bacon and she would rather let it be. Other women don't feel this way and no matter what the situation is or how good the food is or the beautiful car she drives feels a committment to herself and her children to let that "good thing" go and make room for a possible future of a new beginning filled with joy and independence.
I stayed in my relationship for a long time because my partner had me insured. For two years I felt like things were not quite right but I needed the insurance. He made sure to remind me that he insured me even when I was diagnosed with cancer. I exeperienced that as cruel while at the same time I experienced it as a desperate reason on my part to stay and take whatever comments and reminders he threw my way that felt like abuse. I decided to stay and not look into Obama care and do what I needed to do to move on. Even during my repose in California I knew that the love in that relationship was a love of convenience and that I was being judged because I selected to heal naturally for a little while and having the hope inside me that only a spiritually based man could understand. I sometimes dreaded the evening calls because they were inevitably small talk. I was rarely asked about my feelings or deep heart centered opinions. I had to force it out of myself to share what I felt needed to come out of me. In the end it was a sign that it was time to let go and time to move on and time to be who I was rather than what someone wanted me to be. As long as I did what he felt was his idea of right then all was well but if not all hell broke loose and I was set aside much like a figurine would be placed inside a cabinet.
I don't regret a moment and I think that it taught me the very best lesson I will ever learn in my life. Despite the pain and agony that I went through alone I was convinced that being alone would be preferable and hearing more stories coached in a joke would be toxic for me. Even after he insisted that I tell him that I loved him whild sidated on meds I was even more sure that I had made the right decision not to cave in and not to go back to a place where I was not just unhappy I was devastated by the abdonment and the fantasy that he seemed to be living in.
Every person has experienced this happening to them. Well at least a lot of us. What we need to know is that staying is usually not the best option.
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