Update
I am unsure as to why I update others on my health status but have figured out that in some way it is an outlet for me. I feel bettter when I share what is going on with me and then it does not have so much pull. And so here once again I am updating anyone who is interested in hearing about what is next for me. First and foremost I will share that blogging has been healing for me regardless of the topic. I see that four people read it or thirty five, it does not matter. As long as I feel compelled to write it I am going to continue to write.
Today I received a series of texts from my daughter and by the time the fifth sentence was shared I began to ball like a baby. Something in the content of what she said moved me and reminded me that she is there for me and that she is interested in how I feel and what I need. Afterwards I cried and walked around the house mostly with joy in my heart and maybe some sorrow that my kids have to go through this. I wished so badly that I was not ill and that they would not need to see me in a state of illness. I wished that they would not need to see me die if that were to be today or any day. I was moved more than anything by the love between us that shines and that not all fathers and daughters have. That kind of love cannot be duplicated.
This day has been a full day with my friend coming by and staying the night. She had expressed how stressful work has been and I invited her to stay in the "Hampton house". I call it this because the interior design was inspired by my trip to the Hampton's a few times. I did the slip covered white with the aqua soft blue walls and sand accents. My home is like a safe haven to me and I'd hoped it would be for her too. She agreed that it felt quite relaxing and even invited me to the deck to sit on the swing chair with the fluffy white pillows on it. We chatted and we laughed, she made a fruit pie like dessert that was delicious, took a nap and then we watched a movie about a girl with cancer who falls in love. The movie was sad since she died in it at the end and the father is sobbing as well as the mom and little brother. She asked me how it was to watch these movies given my cancer and I shared that for me it gave me a feeling that I was not on my own. That there were others who have surffered the same things as I did. I related to the movies with this subject because they inspire me to want to live and to not be afraid to die. Either way I know I will be fine.
Nothing makes me happier than sharing my home, sharing a meal and being with a good friend. Oddly enough I met this friend via another one that I rarely hear from or see. She and I hit it off really fast and now tell each other "I love you" without giving it a second thought. We are becoming closer and closer to one another and it's fullfilling friendship with as much give and take as I have ever had. I think now I value friendship even more than before, just as I value everything and everyone more now. Cancer has a way of making one much more grateful and thankful. It humbles us and it brings out the best and the worse in all of us but in the end I feel much wiser.
I am very happy to announce that each day is a new day for me. I can see the value of it and I can see that I get to select what to do and not do. I am still living it day to day. On Monday I get a CT scan of my chest to determine that the nodes they saw in an xray are not cancerous. I feel confident that God will continue to take me on this journey and afford me the strength that I will need no matter what the diagnosis. Every day is a day to be as much as I can be for as long as I am here.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
Today I received a series of texts from my daughter and by the time the fifth sentence was shared I began to ball like a baby. Something in the content of what she said moved me and reminded me that she is there for me and that she is interested in how I feel and what I need. Afterwards I cried and walked around the house mostly with joy in my heart and maybe some sorrow that my kids have to go through this. I wished so badly that I was not ill and that they would not need to see me in a state of illness. I wished that they would not need to see me die if that were to be today or any day. I was moved more than anything by the love between us that shines and that not all fathers and daughters have. That kind of love cannot be duplicated.
This day has been a full day with my friend coming by and staying the night. She had expressed how stressful work has been and I invited her to stay in the "Hampton house". I call it this because the interior design was inspired by my trip to the Hampton's a few times. I did the slip covered white with the aqua soft blue walls and sand accents. My home is like a safe haven to me and I'd hoped it would be for her too. She agreed that it felt quite relaxing and even invited me to the deck to sit on the swing chair with the fluffy white pillows on it. We chatted and we laughed, she made a fruit pie like dessert that was delicious, took a nap and then we watched a movie about a girl with cancer who falls in love. The movie was sad since she died in it at the end and the father is sobbing as well as the mom and little brother. She asked me how it was to watch these movies given my cancer and I shared that for me it gave me a feeling that I was not on my own. That there were others who have surffered the same things as I did. I related to the movies with this subject because they inspire me to want to live and to not be afraid to die. Either way I know I will be fine.
Nothing makes me happier than sharing my home, sharing a meal and being with a good friend. Oddly enough I met this friend via another one that I rarely hear from or see. She and I hit it off really fast and now tell each other "I love you" without giving it a second thought. We are becoming closer and closer to one another and it's fullfilling friendship with as much give and take as I have ever had. I think now I value friendship even more than before, just as I value everything and everyone more now. Cancer has a way of making one much more grateful and thankful. It humbles us and it brings out the best and the worse in all of us but in the end I feel much wiser.
I am very happy to announce that each day is a new day for me. I can see the value of it and I can see that I get to select what to do and not do. I am still living it day to day. On Monday I get a CT scan of my chest to determine that the nodes they saw in an xray are not cancerous. I feel confident that God will continue to take me on this journey and afford me the strength that I will need no matter what the diagnosis. Every day is a day to be as much as I can be for as long as I am here.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
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