Like the Salmon
Every year the salmon jump over the currents of the river and somehow are able to survive. They fight it with such skill by jumping into it and towards that strong current or waves. Time after time they get hit and they are able to get a little further in spite of the impact. These fish are like no other fish, most of which are gliding through the water effortlessly. Most fish don't have to work this hard to move about and feed, but not the salmon.
Like the salmon I have been asked to jump the current and with all the things that have hit me I keep jumping over each circumstance and each thing that comes at me. Now I am being asked to face lung cancer after leaping over two other types of cancer. I am being asked to decide what is in my highest good and although I have been OK with facing the things that have been presented to me I have become a bit weary. I have become a little confused and resentful. I swam over the strong wave and now here it is again. I ask myself what I should do and the answer that comes to me is to wait and do nothing right now. There is an appointment for a full body CT scan November 24 but I am uncertain that this is not too soon to determine what is going on and the progression. I feel like the doctors are so quick to fill one up with chemo. My common sense mind wants to say yes and then my spirit says no. There is no cure just a managing of this type of cancer. There is not an operation just chemo and radiation fot he rest of ones life.
Yes I think about the quality of my life. I want a quality of life that is loving and honors me. I want to live a life that is as normal as I can make it. I would like not to be throwing up and have a "skin rash" that is painful in the interum due to the chemo side effects. This time the chemo drug is even stronger and more potent designed to attack the cancer where it is residing in my body. Of course like some of you might guess I am somewhat in denial. I am also praying for a miracle. I am hoping for a chance to live a normal life for at least a few years.
This is a tough decision. If I jump into it like the salmon fish do all the time is tht the best way to address this health challenge? Should I simply do nothing and live as long as I am alloted by God? Just when I have started feeling good and getting back on my feet I feel like this me peddling backwards. I wish it was not true and like the first time I am resisting jumping into a completely western medical approrach. I know two women who have been fighting this desease for ten years. Each of them is a source of strength and courage for me.
Here I am faced with another decisiona about myself and with options that don't seem so great. Yet I feel unusually calm for now and slept well last night. The first things for me is that I know I cannot control anything and that now more than ever I have to have faith in the power greater than me to protect me and to give me the breath of life each day. I have to continue to be grateful for being here and now. I have to understand that I am not in charge, god is.
Like the salmon I have been asked to jump the current and with all the things that have hit me I keep jumping over each circumstance and each thing that comes at me. Now I am being asked to face lung cancer after leaping over two other types of cancer. I am being asked to decide what is in my highest good and although I have been OK with facing the things that have been presented to me I have become a bit weary. I have become a little confused and resentful. I swam over the strong wave and now here it is again. I ask myself what I should do and the answer that comes to me is to wait and do nothing right now. There is an appointment for a full body CT scan November 24 but I am uncertain that this is not too soon to determine what is going on and the progression. I feel like the doctors are so quick to fill one up with chemo. My common sense mind wants to say yes and then my spirit says no. There is no cure just a managing of this type of cancer. There is not an operation just chemo and radiation fot he rest of ones life.
Yes I think about the quality of my life. I want a quality of life that is loving and honors me. I want to live a life that is as normal as I can make it. I would like not to be throwing up and have a "skin rash" that is painful in the interum due to the chemo side effects. This time the chemo drug is even stronger and more potent designed to attack the cancer where it is residing in my body. Of course like some of you might guess I am somewhat in denial. I am also praying for a miracle. I am hoping for a chance to live a normal life for at least a few years.
This is a tough decision. If I jump into it like the salmon fish do all the time is tht the best way to address this health challenge? Should I simply do nothing and live as long as I am alloted by God? Just when I have started feeling good and getting back on my feet I feel like this me peddling backwards. I wish it was not true and like the first time I am resisting jumping into a completely western medical approrach. I know two women who have been fighting this desease for ten years. Each of them is a source of strength and courage for me.
Here I am faced with another decisiona about myself and with options that don't seem so great. Yet I feel unusually calm for now and slept well last night. The first things for me is that I know I cannot control anything and that now more than ever I have to have faith in the power greater than me to protect me and to give me the breath of life each day. I have to continue to be grateful for being here and now. I have to understand that I am not in charge, god is.
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