FOR MEN ONLY

I continue my writing by sharing another one of the responses I received from a woman about what she wanted from a man.  Her response seems simple enough: "to be heart, to be listened to".  I thought about this too and came up with all of the flashbacks from my own relationships with many men.  I remember thinking that these men could not hear me.  I would express a feeling or need and I would get a blank stare and little to no action or commentary.  I wanted to be heard because when I was a child I was not heard and because I felt like I deserved to be heard.  I wanted my partner to hear me and comment and assure me of some of what I was pondering, wondering or wanting to get feedback on.  Try as I might there were very little times when I felt heard and towards the end of this last situation (I will call it) I realized that most men are not trained to listen and that as boys we excuse them because after all "boys will be boys".  In the last case I recall how the mother did not hear the husband, did not hear my partner and did not hear me.  I would take it personally at times not realizing that it was not something this woman was trained in.  Here I had just received my second masters in spiritual pyschology.  Although I did not know it all I did learn to listen and the importance of listening to ones partner.  The only issue is that I became exhausted when it was not given back to me.  Today I see how important it is that I listen and not judge anyone else for what I perceive as inattentive to me or even rude.

Women don't want men who don't listen and cannot hear what they are saying because in their language they are asking for what they want.  If a man does not listen then they will not know what the woman desires and what will make her feel heard.  The funny part of this is that it is so easy to bring joy to a relationship by listening to her.  The nice part is that a little bit goes a long way.  A little bit of time listening to ones partner or girlfirend will cause a lovely connection and a happier situation all around.  I like the old saying: "happy wife, happy life".  If you take the time to quiet yourself and listen this will help in ways that you cannot imagine and cash dividends.  Relationship is checks and balances.  If you want her to hear you then you must hear her.  You must be willing to close your mouth and take the time to listen.

It is when women are emotional and upset that it is most important to listen.  It is when things are not going well that a woman wants to be heard.  She needs to share her feelings with you and she has to know you heard them.  It is that easy and it is that simple.  Listening goes a long way.  Walking away from a woman when she is speaking to you is likely the single most disrespectful thing a man can do. It is telling her that what she feels and what she needs is not important.  Stop and listen even when you don't want to and even when you feel as though she is being unreasonable.  Listening does not make her right, it just gives her a chance to evaluate how she feels and whether those feelings are validated by something that is true or accurate.

When  woman speaks about not being listened to she is really saying that she needs to know you care about her enough to listen even if you think that what she is saying is wrong or is a misinterpretation. Listening with your heart will allow her time to ponder what she is feeling and come up with a much more graceful outcome.  Just take the time to listen.  No matter what, just take the time and listen with your heart.