Heal Faster and Better 2
Healing is never easy but we can get in our own way and make it much more difficult, painful and slow. Healing from a bad relationship or from a death for example are two very difficult tests in life. How we heal from our pain and from our anguish depends on how we do it and if we are prepared for it. Here are some tips:
One: Don't force it. Give yourself time to address it even if that means sleeping until noon or no taking your pajamas off for five days. Even if you stay inside your home for a few days and don't respond to the phone or emails. The first thing to do is allow yourself some time to get there to that place where you are ready to heal. We are human and we are all apt to need time to address what has happened. When my sister died I stayed in for two weeks and wept every day for at least an hour. I would get up weeping in the middle of the night. I was not ready to heal and only ready to let my toxic feelings out. So that was all I did. I was not ready to heal and yet my body was likely healing. I did not force it I just felt the feelings and luckily I was married to a woman who had so much love and compassion she waited on the side lines for me to get to where I needed to be to heal myself.
Two: Get help. Don't believe anything you hear about counseling or seeing a therapist and it being for "crazy people". There are too many false thoughts about therapy most of which are just about being embarrassed that you need help when there is no shame around getting therapy. I in fact would say that if you don't get help this may be crazier than getting help. In fact I would highly recommend that a person gets help when they need it. There are many choices: a clergyman, a pastor, a therapist, a life coach or a good twelve step program. Just do it.
Three: Let Your Feelings Out: Don't hold your feelings in and pretend as though nothing is going on. Let the feelings out and make your feelings public letting others know what you need from them. Holding your feelings in is going to slow your healing down. Cry, scream, hit the pillow or run a mile. Do whatever you need to get the energy out, especially if you are very sad or really mad.
Four: Listen to Music: I think that music is very healing. There are wonderful types of music that are tranquil and will ease your stress and sadness. In some cases the kind of music you play will elicit you to emote/cry which is not a bad thing. Lay down and listen to music that you think will elicit your feelings or music that brings you ease or joy or laughter. It is not the same for everyone but music has been known to be very healing. When my family member died I listened to an album she loved and the music was all about love and losing love. It made me feel my sadness and it helped me to get in touch with my heart. Music is a way to allow your feelings to come forward and allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Five: Play: Find ways to be playful. Play with your children or do things that are playful. Let yourself feel some joy. Write about the playful and a lovely things you remember about your loved one. If you are ill it will help you heal your self too. Don't think you cannot be happy and play, even tell a joke or two. Laughter is healing and even a comedy show or movie might be helpful. Healing can happen at any time in any situation with a little laughter. In fact there are those who might say to "force the laughter out of you". Lay down and force it out of you by purposely laughing even if you don't feel like it right away. The reality is that life is going to go on if you intend for it to and if you do so happily and cooperatively.
Six: Find a Distraction: Start a blog. Write a book. Adopt a distraction of sorts. Something you would like to be doing. At first it can be hanging out at a coffee shop or starting a scrapbook. Do things to give yourself a break from the stress of grieving. You don't have to be crying every second. In fact you can enjoy some time out from the feelings of anger, sadness or disappointment.
Seven: Take the Focus and Put It on You: We tend to place the focus of our relationship break ups on the other person. We spend a lot of time talking about him or her. Stop talking about that person completely if possible, giving them too much power. Instead find ways to focus on yourself and what you need to do to feel whole and ready to walk and then eventually run. Making someone else the focus is mistake number one and the most common one. You will heal faster if you take the focus off the other person or persons who may have hurt you or who you have hurt feelings about.
One: Don't force it. Give yourself time to address it even if that means sleeping until noon or no taking your pajamas off for five days. Even if you stay inside your home for a few days and don't respond to the phone or emails. The first thing to do is allow yourself some time to get there to that place where you are ready to heal. We are human and we are all apt to need time to address what has happened. When my sister died I stayed in for two weeks and wept every day for at least an hour. I would get up weeping in the middle of the night. I was not ready to heal and only ready to let my toxic feelings out. So that was all I did. I was not ready to heal and yet my body was likely healing. I did not force it I just felt the feelings and luckily I was married to a woman who had so much love and compassion she waited on the side lines for me to get to where I needed to be to heal myself.
Two: Get help. Don't believe anything you hear about counseling or seeing a therapist and it being for "crazy people". There are too many false thoughts about therapy most of which are just about being embarrassed that you need help when there is no shame around getting therapy. I in fact would say that if you don't get help this may be crazier than getting help. In fact I would highly recommend that a person gets help when they need it. There are many choices: a clergyman, a pastor, a therapist, a life coach or a good twelve step program. Just do it.
Three: Let Your Feelings Out: Don't hold your feelings in and pretend as though nothing is going on. Let the feelings out and make your feelings public letting others know what you need from them. Holding your feelings in is going to slow your healing down. Cry, scream, hit the pillow or run a mile. Do whatever you need to get the energy out, especially if you are very sad or really mad.
Four: Listen to Music: I think that music is very healing. There are wonderful types of music that are tranquil and will ease your stress and sadness. In some cases the kind of music you play will elicit you to emote/cry which is not a bad thing. Lay down and listen to music that you think will elicit your feelings or music that brings you ease or joy or laughter. It is not the same for everyone but music has been known to be very healing. When my family member died I listened to an album she loved and the music was all about love and losing love. It made me feel my sadness and it helped me to get in touch with my heart. Music is a way to allow your feelings to come forward and allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Five: Play: Find ways to be playful. Play with your children or do things that are playful. Let yourself feel some joy. Write about the playful and a lovely things you remember about your loved one. If you are ill it will help you heal your self too. Don't think you cannot be happy and play, even tell a joke or two. Laughter is healing and even a comedy show or movie might be helpful. Healing can happen at any time in any situation with a little laughter. In fact there are those who might say to "force the laughter out of you". Lay down and force it out of you by purposely laughing even if you don't feel like it right away. The reality is that life is going to go on if you intend for it to and if you do so happily and cooperatively.
Six: Find a Distraction: Start a blog. Write a book. Adopt a distraction of sorts. Something you would like to be doing. At first it can be hanging out at a coffee shop or starting a scrapbook. Do things to give yourself a break from the stress of grieving. You don't have to be crying every second. In fact you can enjoy some time out from the feelings of anger, sadness or disappointment.
Seven: Take the Focus and Put It on You: We tend to place the focus of our relationship break ups on the other person. We spend a lot of time talking about him or her. Stop talking about that person completely if possible, giving them too much power. Instead find ways to focus on yourself and what you need to do to feel whole and ready to walk and then eventually run. Making someone else the focus is mistake number one and the most common one. You will heal faster if you take the focus off the other person or persons who may have hurt you or who you have hurt feelings about.
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