Six Ways to Get Over It and Get On

Relationships are tough never mind ending them or being on the receiving end of someone ending it with us.  The pain and anguish attached to ending a relationship is sometimes so hard to envision that we don't end it and we stay in the most unhealthy and selfish relationships that not just lack love, they lack any recognition of what love is suppose to be.  We have a horrific time attempting to end it and like one of my friends, she waited and waited and is still waiting hoping her partner leaves her instead, claiming she can't do it.  It seems it is more about her fear of ending it than any other factor.  Frankly from the way she has been treated by her partner she should have ended a long long time ago. Getting out and getting over it is a journey that begins with emotional abuse and at times ends with physical abuse.  At the very least there are years of emotional absence that feels like abandonment and that makes it obvious that the person you are with is not present.  There are a lot of lonely people in the world who are legally and figuratively partnered with someone they care about who does not care about you.  Releasing yourself from a self-inflicted prison in a relationship takes courage.  There are ways to get over it and move into your new life, a life that does not need to include anyone new, especially the first year.

Here are six ways to "get over it" and get on with your life: 

One:  Tell the person you are with that you are dissatisfied with the relationship and decide who is going to move out, or if you are both going to go your separate ways.  Don't spend any time blaming, shaming or arguing.  Just make the statement that you are done and move into action.  

Two: If you are married to the person and you are concerned about income because you make less money, hire an attorney and stay in your home.  Try to convince your spouse to move out since they have the funds to do so more than you do. Don't argue about it but be clear in stating that you are staying in the home.  Usually he or she will then move into their own location.  Once they move install chain link locks and consider changing the locks once they have not lived in the home for six or more months.  

Three: Get all the clothing out of the closet you shared and put it in boxes or on racks in the basement or garage or another room in the home.  It is better not to look at these items or think about them.  The new energy is created by making your bedroom your space and your closet your space as well.  Do the same with other items that belong to this person.  Get the energy of that person away from your spirit and mind.  

Four: Start a new life as if everything is all resolved.  You are now a single person responsible for yourself and your job needs to become your joy.  How, where, when and whom you will spend your time with needs to be mapped out.  You are done, finished and complete.  Don't hold on emotionally to someone who you are done with.  Save that energy for fun activities with friends and  new projects.  

Five: Get a job as soon as you can that will provide you insurance if you are not working.  This will detach you from becoming a hostage to this person you have decided to leave or left.  Remember is does not matter who left whom.  The important thing is to start your new life ASAP.  Don't waste time on game playing.  Spend your time on mapping our your new life.  

Six: Begin a path of reading, meditating, praying, writing and learning new things.  Take a yoga class or a sewing class. Begin a journey of healing yourself and of leaning new things.  Stay focused on yourself and not on the divorce or the games that get played out.  Act as though it is already finished. Find your mojo. Find your karma. Love yourself and don't alow the loss to make you feel lost.