Healing Relationship Addiction
As I continue to talk about addiction, soft addictions I call them, I see that many of us have this one in common: relationship addiction. We are addicted to the person we are with and this person is usually a person we love and are holding a relationship with. The trouble with relationship addiction is that you do more for them than for you or anyone else. That is a very specific sign that you are in an addiction relationship rather than one that is just loving and exciting. In relationship addiction one person does most of the work while the other person, realizing you are addicted and would do anything, takes. And takes and takes. The good news is that you can heal from relationship addiction and figure out how much of your love to take with you and how much love to keep for yourself. A relationship addict has to learn this and while the person they are in relationship with may enjoy the perks of getting more than they give they are also enabling the addiction, knowing at times how harmful this is to the addict. In fact they throw bones at the addict all the while seeing how little they give and how much they are selfishly taking. In the long run it's not their fault and the person taking is only doing what comes natural to him or her. Someone is giving and they are taking. It works out very well for them.
Healing from relationship addiction will ask us to:
Create a separate space or our own:
It is especially crucial for you as a relationship addict to create a sacred and separate space of your own in your home. This is a place where you can go and be alone and do the things you like to do: draw, write, meditate, nap or just spend some along time. Get use to spending time with you and enjoying it. Make your space special in every way possible. The color of the room, an alter with some artifacts, books you like to read and videos of movies you love. Create this space of your own that demonstrates that not everything evolves around your partner or relationship with someone else. Get use to likiing time with you and spending time with you and seperating yourself from the person you are so addicted to. Share the importance of this time and this space with your loved one. Come to an agrrement that this is your space for you to be alone and that is it sacred and to be respected.
Make time for our self, friends and family seperately:
Make time to spend alone with your friends and family. Have some of your time be yours with your people and doing what you like to do with them. Make it more about being in your joy and doing the things that you love doing with people you love being with. The reason you want it to be separate is because you want to facilitate time on your own terms without the approval of your partner. This takes you aways from that need for approval and makes it more comfortable to be an entity on your own that is as loving, beautiful and fun for you. When you go back to the one you love it will make that love even more precisous and even more meaningful. Look at why you don't spend alone time with friends and you will find that there may be some trust issues or control issues that need to be addressed for your wholeness to happen.
Take a time out or vacation once or twice a year:
I always did this one, thank God, but not often enough in the past. Now I see how much more important it is to take those times out alone and go on a trip somewhere. I use to love going it alone because I did as I pleased and enjoyed every moment as much as I gave myself permission to do so. Time out is essential to unlocking the key that keeps you blocked inside a relationship as if it were your end all. The unfortunate aspect of being locked in is that many relationships end and although you don't want it to end it is best to be prepared if it does end and to have ones own life and pleasures like going on vacation to destinations that you would like to discover. Taking time for yourself is saying yes to you and no to addiction. Not taking time to yourself is saying yes to addictions that are not healthy for you or the person you are with.
Become honest about why we are relationship addicts:
Check in with yourself about why you are so "addicted" to another person that you cannot do things with out them and you cannot breathe without asking permission. Be honest about trust issues as often are the case in addiction and relationships that are. List the reasons why you are a relationship addict and you will unfold some secrets you have hidden for a long time. Insecurity, distrust, low self esteem, abandonment fears, control issues and more. The only way to release addiction is to discontinue to practice the addiction. Stop doing what you are doing. Stop doing more than your share. Stop trying to control everything. Stop all of the tings that you are doing that are feeding your addiction.
Healing from relationship addiction will ask us to:
Create a separate space or our own:
It is especially crucial for you as a relationship addict to create a sacred and separate space of your own in your home. This is a place where you can go and be alone and do the things you like to do: draw, write, meditate, nap or just spend some along time. Get use to spending time with you and enjoying it. Make your space special in every way possible. The color of the room, an alter with some artifacts, books you like to read and videos of movies you love. Create this space of your own that demonstrates that not everything evolves around your partner or relationship with someone else. Get use to likiing time with you and spending time with you and seperating yourself from the person you are so addicted to. Share the importance of this time and this space with your loved one. Come to an agrrement that this is your space for you to be alone and that is it sacred and to be respected.
Make time for our self, friends and family seperately:
Make time to spend alone with your friends and family. Have some of your time be yours with your people and doing what you like to do with them. Make it more about being in your joy and doing the things that you love doing with people you love being with. The reason you want it to be separate is because you want to facilitate time on your own terms without the approval of your partner. This takes you aways from that need for approval and makes it more comfortable to be an entity on your own that is as loving, beautiful and fun for you. When you go back to the one you love it will make that love even more precisous and even more meaningful. Look at why you don't spend alone time with friends and you will find that there may be some trust issues or control issues that need to be addressed for your wholeness to happen.
Take a time out or vacation once or twice a year:
I always did this one, thank God, but not often enough in the past. Now I see how much more important it is to take those times out alone and go on a trip somewhere. I use to love going it alone because I did as I pleased and enjoyed every moment as much as I gave myself permission to do so. Time out is essential to unlocking the key that keeps you blocked inside a relationship as if it were your end all. The unfortunate aspect of being locked in is that many relationships end and although you don't want it to end it is best to be prepared if it does end and to have ones own life and pleasures like going on vacation to destinations that you would like to discover. Taking time for yourself is saying yes to you and no to addiction. Not taking time to yourself is saying yes to addictions that are not healthy for you or the person you are with.
Become honest about why we are relationship addicts:
Check in with yourself about why you are so "addicted" to another person that you cannot do things with out them and you cannot breathe without asking permission. Be honest about trust issues as often are the case in addiction and relationships that are. List the reasons why you are a relationship addict and you will unfold some secrets you have hidden for a long time. Insecurity, distrust, low self esteem, abandonment fears, control issues and more. The only way to release addiction is to discontinue to practice the addiction. Stop doing what you are doing. Stop doing more than your share. Stop trying to control everything. Stop all of the tings that you are doing that are feeding your addiction.
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