Love Your Way 12 (continued)

Alas it feels like this may be the last blog on the subject of getting love "your way" and being loved "your way".  Really this blog is more about being loved your way and although some might find it selfish and egotistic to want to be loved your way I beg to differ.  For a person who made no demands on love I want to share that it was not just a struggle it was demeaning and harmful.  For some of you there may be a certain familiarity to what I am sharing right now.  Many of us have loved others and not asked for the love we want and deserve.  We have been shamed to believe that loving ourselves is self centered and asking to be treated a certain way by a person who claims to love you or actually does love you.  It matters not who that person is but it does matter that you know who you are in relationship with them.  Today after many years of making the same error of giving and not getting I finally feel like I can "breathe again" as Toni Braxton says in one of her songs about love and loss.  In fact this song is one of my favorite of hers because it truly depicts the very deep hurt that happens when one does not believe they are worthy of love.  It is a song about falling in love and not getting the love you wanted back.  For some it is "depressing" but to me it's a song about feeling your feelings and not living in the fear of feeling.  It is a powerful song and every time I hear it I am reminded of not settling for less from anyone in my life and asking for what I want.  " I promise you that I shall never breathe again".  "I can't get you out of my head and I can't pretend that I won't die if you won't see me again" are among the lyrics in this beautiful love song.  It is about how difficult it is to love someone and be left behind or what it would feel like to be left behind by a person who says they love you.  It sounds very desperate but it reminds me so much of what love means to some of us who have hung in no matter what has happened.  It is a song about getting the love you want after losing love.

Being loved your way means that you will be hurt in love.  It means that you will kiss some frogs and even spend a lot of time kissing one frog.  The beauty of it is that no matter how old you are and what you have been through you will "breathe again" and you will start over again, perhaps even falling in love again after long cries and whatever pain needs to happen.  It really does not matter what your past was but more importantly what is now in the past.  Saying to yourself "in the past I allowed myself to be treated less than favored" or "in the past I thought that I was not good enough to be loved my way with a criteria and measures".  Tell yourself now that in the future there will be love that has equity and respect and every single element of what you want in a love relationship.  Don't waste any time pondering the past and rehashing what is old spilled milk as they sometimes refer to it.  Look to the future and know that you will be treated like a beautiful butterfly, delicate and with heart and soulful forgiveness.  Look to the future by forgiving your past, the things you settled for and the ones you did not know better about.  "Now that I know better, I can do better".  Understand this statement of life and love.  Now you know better.  Now you know to ask and in fact insist on what you want out of a relationship or friendship.  Now you are one with God and love.  Now you are one with your spirit and your core.  Now you know what to ask for.  Say it: "In the past I did not know what to ask for but now that I know better I know what to ask for, all that is in my highest esteem.  All that God wants for me.  Genuine love where a person does not have to be asked to bathe you when you are ill but offers.  Where a person does not have to ask for a massage but gets one because the other person is attuned to his or her needs and is listening.  Love cannot be any other way but the way that you deem it.  Then and only then will you get  love your way, the love you so deserve.  Or you "shall never breathe again".
Maybe to be continued....

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