5 Indicators of Love Your Way
This is blog 12 of 12 so far on the SAME subject: Finding Love your Way. Today I am thinking of a list of things/action steps that add up to having love your way. If I were to come up with a few they would be:
1. ASK for what you want:
2. Don't take NO for an answer:
3. KNOW your worth:
4. Set and Maintain Boundaries:
5. Know WHEN to let go:
If I were to sight the most important aspect of getting the love you deserve it would be to set boundaries. Without boundaries there is very little to ensure that you are in a loving relationship where the person respects you and knows your limits. And once again I digress: Let's begin in the beginning.
1. Ask for what you want:
In relationship we rarely learn to ask for what we need and want. In fact it is a myth that this is a selfish act on ones part. Asking for what you want may not ensure you actually get what you want however if you don't ask for anything you will get nothing. In fact most people who don't ask for what hey want end up giving a whole lot and getting very little to nothing, maybe some "bread crumbs". Asking for what we want could be that we require a flower once in while or a love poem or for a person to do their share of the home maintenance. Asking for what we want may even entail that we ask for intimacy three days a week. If we don't ask we won't GET.
2. Too many NO's
If you ask and yoiu don't get then ask again until you get. It is likely you will need to ask more than one time for what you want but unlikely you will get it if you have not received any of what you requested in the first year of your relationship. Looking for the "yellow flag" is simple: You are asking and you are not getting. If you ask and continue to not get or get NO for an answer it is a sure sign of things to come. You are not going to get what you want in the relationship: PERIOD.
3. Know Your Worth:
One of the essential elements of any relationship is to know your worth. If you don't know your worth don't expect anyone else to figure it out. In fact when you don't know your worth you are less likely to get what you want from your relationship because you don't believe you deserve it. Not knowing your worth is an advantage that another person you are in relationship with has over you, especially if they know their worth and in fact love themselves way more than they love anyone else, namely you.
4. Set Boundaries:
Set and keep boundaries. People believe that once in love or in a loving relationship like a marriage one does not have a need for boundaries. In fact this is when boundaries become ever more important. If there is something you expect someone you care about to adhere to it must be brought to the surface and made very clear. When and if any of your boundaries are crossed it is important to remind your partner. Knowing and asking someone to respect your boundaries will result in a happier and more equitable relationship. Nothing is worse than having our boundaries crossed. For example if your boundary is that when you are in the bathroom your partner should never just walk in then make that boundary and others clear to him or her. If your boundary is that your partner cannot get intimately involved with another person then and if that boundary is crossed there should be consequences. In cases where there are same sex couples one of the boundaries might be not to wear each other's clothes or shoes. Boundaries are the foundation of a relationship and without any boundaries you can expect to be crossed and crossed often. Not establishing boundaries on time, in time, in a timely manner can result in some very serious disagreements.
5. Knowing When to Let Go:
I think the single most mistake for many of us is that we stay too long in a relationship that has little to none of the important factors above. It is therefor imperative that we know when to let go. THe moment we to see the flags: yellow, red or green ones, we should seriously consider walking. Waiting for five years and hoping things will change is a lofty and rather silly thinking. Most of us see the flags and we ignore them but I say don't. Don't ignore the yellow flags that tell you almost with certainty that this is not the person for you. Know when to let go. It is that simple.
So there you have it. The five signs that will tell you whether you are getting or will ever get the love you want YOUR way. In fact these can be the five things that you will need to remember and take note of before you commit to a relationship.
1. ASK for what you want:
2. Don't take NO for an answer:
3. KNOW your worth:
4. Set and Maintain Boundaries:
5. Know WHEN to let go:
If I were to sight the most important aspect of getting the love you deserve it would be to set boundaries. Without boundaries there is very little to ensure that you are in a loving relationship where the person respects you and knows your limits. And once again I digress: Let's begin in the beginning.
1. Ask for what you want:
In relationship we rarely learn to ask for what we need and want. In fact it is a myth that this is a selfish act on ones part. Asking for what you want may not ensure you actually get what you want however if you don't ask for anything you will get nothing. In fact most people who don't ask for what hey want end up giving a whole lot and getting very little to nothing, maybe some "bread crumbs". Asking for what we want could be that we require a flower once in while or a love poem or for a person to do their share of the home maintenance. Asking for what we want may even entail that we ask for intimacy three days a week. If we don't ask we won't GET.
2. Too many NO's
If you ask and yoiu don't get then ask again until you get. It is likely you will need to ask more than one time for what you want but unlikely you will get it if you have not received any of what you requested in the first year of your relationship. Looking for the "yellow flag" is simple: You are asking and you are not getting. If you ask and continue to not get or get NO for an answer it is a sure sign of things to come. You are not going to get what you want in the relationship: PERIOD.
3. Know Your Worth:
One of the essential elements of any relationship is to know your worth. If you don't know your worth don't expect anyone else to figure it out. In fact when you don't know your worth you are less likely to get what you want from your relationship because you don't believe you deserve it. Not knowing your worth is an advantage that another person you are in relationship with has over you, especially if they know their worth and in fact love themselves way more than they love anyone else, namely you.
4. Set Boundaries:
Set and keep boundaries. People believe that once in love or in a loving relationship like a marriage one does not have a need for boundaries. In fact this is when boundaries become ever more important. If there is something you expect someone you care about to adhere to it must be brought to the surface and made very clear. When and if any of your boundaries are crossed it is important to remind your partner. Knowing and asking someone to respect your boundaries will result in a happier and more equitable relationship. Nothing is worse than having our boundaries crossed. For example if your boundary is that when you are in the bathroom your partner should never just walk in then make that boundary and others clear to him or her. If your boundary is that your partner cannot get intimately involved with another person then and if that boundary is crossed there should be consequences. In cases where there are same sex couples one of the boundaries might be not to wear each other's clothes or shoes. Boundaries are the foundation of a relationship and without any boundaries you can expect to be crossed and crossed often. Not establishing boundaries on time, in time, in a timely manner can result in some very serious disagreements.
5. Knowing When to Let Go:
I think the single most mistake for many of us is that we stay too long in a relationship that has little to none of the important factors above. It is therefor imperative that we know when to let go. THe moment we to see the flags: yellow, red or green ones, we should seriously consider walking. Waiting for five years and hoping things will change is a lofty and rather silly thinking. Most of us see the flags and we ignore them but I say don't. Don't ignore the yellow flags that tell you almost with certainty that this is not the person for you. Know when to let go. It is that simple.
So there you have it. The five signs that will tell you whether you are getting or will ever get the love you want YOUR way. In fact these can be the five things that you will need to remember and take note of before you commit to a relationship.
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