Put a Ring on It
I like Beyonce because she has this delicious way of shaking her body and making us all believe that there is only one her. She is absolutely right! There is only one Beyonce and there is only one Jennifer Lopsz. I happen to have a crush on both of them for various reasons one of which is that each one is successful in a way they decided it and in a way they saw it fit. No apologies or at least so it seems. I love Beyonce's song "To the left" where she points out to the X guy that "everything he owns is in the box to the left." I also think people hate on women like her and like Jennifer for the wrong reasons. They are a package and they are beautiful and they have talent and they put on a fantastic show, just like Madonna. Like many bias opinions we seem to still feel like women of color who are successful are upity or they act white or something that makes them so successful that is tainted with jealousy and fear. I think fear more than anything.
I like to think that the song "Put a ring on it" is one that resonates for many woman. Men seem to like to live and be in a relaitonship as long as possible without making a commitment. No ring gets put on some women's fingers when they want it because of men who are insecure about being married and have all types of myths about being committed to one woman. Not all men are like this but some women will admit that they gave their guy an ultimatim in order to get them to commit and get married or engaged. My grandfather use to say that "they ate their cake before the wedding" so there is no need to get married. Men who get what they want often times won't "put a ring on it". After all they got what they wanted and they did not have to buy the wedding cake because they already ate it, meaning they got sex from their partner and don't feel like they don't need to take it any further.
I am not sure how many of you saw "Muriel's Wedding" but it is by far one of the best examples of someone who wants to be accepted and popular and married to someone. She even makes up a fiance when in reality she did not have one. She even takes pictures in wedding dresses and begins a wedding photo book. It was not until she realized her importance that she decided that she did not have to be married even though at one point she actually does get married for the wrong reasons. At one point she steals a dress in order to attend a wedding and then gets a blank check from her dad via her mom and goes on an expensive vacation to where the other girls go: Hawaii. All just to pretend to be successful and cool like them. It doesn't work. In the end she meets a friend from back in grammar school who becomes her mentor. She even insults the girls who think themselves bettter than Muriel, telling them to "fuck off". It is a story of a woman who finds out her worth and finally begins to love herself. At every turn it is more and more interesting and funny, especailly when her friend recalls the bitches in school and Muriel tells her they are there in the same hotel. Her friend takes the opportunity when asked to join their group tells them "I would rather swallow razor blades than have a drink with you". Muriel does get her ring but everything else is unpredictable and unconventional. A movie about wanting to be married so badly it turns into a strong depcition of what it is not to care.
None of us need a ring. In fact my rings were both bought by me for my former partner because it meant nothing to him and it was a symbol of commitment to me. Nothing I could do or say would change the fact that he was not on board with all his heart but rather on board for what he could get from me, at first living with me free for five years. Not that it matters anymore. As the saying goes "when you know better you do better". Many of us want a ring thinking that this will make a difference when in fact it does not. Either the person is on board and loves you or they don't. It does not matter if we are married or not. What matters is if our partner will "go through the fire with us". A ring is a lovely symbol and I too was lulled into believing that it meant something when might very well be that it meant something only for me. I was traditional and I believed in love. I believed in putting that ring on and behaving in a way that was loving, nurturing and caring. I washed the floors, I did the dishes and I played the part like many women out there have done. The difference is that they got the diamond ring. Ok, well maybe some had to give it back.
Love has no limits. Love can happen with the exchange of a paper ring from a cigar. When people love each other with all their heart they don't need a ring or a wrtten agrreement. They also don't run when the going gets tough. Love is a circle and it is endless and I still believe in that kind of love. I may be a hopeless romantic but I say keep the ring. I want the truth and the light that love brings without any diamonds.
I like to think that the song "Put a ring on it" is one that resonates for many woman. Men seem to like to live and be in a relaitonship as long as possible without making a commitment. No ring gets put on some women's fingers when they want it because of men who are insecure about being married and have all types of myths about being committed to one woman. Not all men are like this but some women will admit that they gave their guy an ultimatim in order to get them to commit and get married or engaged. My grandfather use to say that "they ate their cake before the wedding" so there is no need to get married. Men who get what they want often times won't "put a ring on it". After all they got what they wanted and they did not have to buy the wedding cake because they already ate it, meaning they got sex from their partner and don't feel like they don't need to take it any further.
I am not sure how many of you saw "Muriel's Wedding" but it is by far one of the best examples of someone who wants to be accepted and popular and married to someone. She even makes up a fiance when in reality she did not have one. She even takes pictures in wedding dresses and begins a wedding photo book. It was not until she realized her importance that she decided that she did not have to be married even though at one point she actually does get married for the wrong reasons. At one point she steals a dress in order to attend a wedding and then gets a blank check from her dad via her mom and goes on an expensive vacation to where the other girls go: Hawaii. All just to pretend to be successful and cool like them. It doesn't work. In the end she meets a friend from back in grammar school who becomes her mentor. She even insults the girls who think themselves bettter than Muriel, telling them to "fuck off". It is a story of a woman who finds out her worth and finally begins to love herself. At every turn it is more and more interesting and funny, especailly when her friend recalls the bitches in school and Muriel tells her they are there in the same hotel. Her friend takes the opportunity when asked to join their group tells them "I would rather swallow razor blades than have a drink with you". Muriel does get her ring but everything else is unpredictable and unconventional. A movie about wanting to be married so badly it turns into a strong depcition of what it is not to care.
None of us need a ring. In fact my rings were both bought by me for my former partner because it meant nothing to him and it was a symbol of commitment to me. Nothing I could do or say would change the fact that he was not on board with all his heart but rather on board for what he could get from me, at first living with me free for five years. Not that it matters anymore. As the saying goes "when you know better you do better". Many of us want a ring thinking that this will make a difference when in fact it does not. Either the person is on board and loves you or they don't. It does not matter if we are married or not. What matters is if our partner will "go through the fire with us". A ring is a lovely symbol and I too was lulled into believing that it meant something when might very well be that it meant something only for me. I was traditional and I believed in love. I believed in putting that ring on and behaving in a way that was loving, nurturing and caring. I washed the floors, I did the dishes and I played the part like many women out there have done. The difference is that they got the diamond ring. Ok, well maybe some had to give it back.
Love has no limits. Love can happen with the exchange of a paper ring from a cigar. When people love each other with all their heart they don't need a ring or a wrtten agrreement. They also don't run when the going gets tough. Love is a circle and it is endless and I still believe in that kind of love. I may be a hopeless romantic but I say keep the ring. I want the truth and the light that love brings without any diamonds.
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