4 Important Boundaries (Continued)
As is usual with my blogs, I think they may be too long. Suddenly in the middle of my typing the words freeze or the text I type begins to jump up and down. I don't know how to explain it but it is like my blog is pocessed. In any case here is number 4 of the 4 Important Boundaries:
4. Don't Accept The Unacceptable:
I remember thinking what a jackass my former mother in law was. She would say things that were so rude or inappropriate almost every time I saw her and she had an opinion about everything we did and decisions that were none of her business. It was unacceptable but I felt like I could not say anything because my partner thought she was the nicest and best thing since pockets. Of course he did, that was his mother. As months and then years went by I noted that not only did she not stop the ugly behaviors she literally got worse and more overt about it until one day she wrote me a veninous email detailng her hateful opinions of me and telling me that she'd asked her son to leave me. This came after I attemtped to set the boundary with her by asking her to mind her own business and keep out of my marriage. I actually did not use those exact words and in fact said it in such a nice manner that everyone who read it agreed I was being overly nice. Then I received her venom that only she could dole out, even according to her own dad who said she had that skill. I did not set my boundaries early on and of course as it turned out she continued to behave disrespectfully and I accepted the unacceptable. I did so for many years in fact and now looking back on it understand that one of the biggest boundaries we can set is to let people know we will not accept the bad behavior. I said nothing and not only got smeared with shit and indirect insults I also got an email that topped anything anyone has ever said to me. The best part was that this woman did not know anything about me except what her son told her so she used informaation her son told her as ammunition to insult me. She talked about my father leaving me, about my mother's abuse, about my sister's death and so on. It was one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done to me. On top of it my partner would not acknowledge her bad behavior even when a therapist tried to get him to understand it to be poor and insutling behavior on her part. Ultimately, it was in part her contribution that broke us up more than one time and her contribution that finalized it because I finally decided that I would not accept the unacceptable. Don't accept unacceptable behaviors whether they are from a spouse who permits their own mother to insult you or from a person who is his mother or a friend for that matter. What is unacceptable needs to be verbalized by you and done so right away. The longer you allow it the more it will keep festering and growing. Insist on acceptable behavior and do not accept bad behavior from anyone. Not ONE SINGLE person.
4. Don't Accept The Unacceptable:
I remember thinking what a jackass my former mother in law was. She would say things that were so rude or inappropriate almost every time I saw her and she had an opinion about everything we did and decisions that were none of her business. It was unacceptable but I felt like I could not say anything because my partner thought she was the nicest and best thing since pockets. Of course he did, that was his mother. As months and then years went by I noted that not only did she not stop the ugly behaviors she literally got worse and more overt about it until one day she wrote me a veninous email detailng her hateful opinions of me and telling me that she'd asked her son to leave me. This came after I attemtped to set the boundary with her by asking her to mind her own business and keep out of my marriage. I actually did not use those exact words and in fact said it in such a nice manner that everyone who read it agreed I was being overly nice. Then I received her venom that only she could dole out, even according to her own dad who said she had that skill. I did not set my boundaries early on and of course as it turned out she continued to behave disrespectfully and I accepted the unacceptable. I did so for many years in fact and now looking back on it understand that one of the biggest boundaries we can set is to let people know we will not accept the bad behavior. I said nothing and not only got smeared with shit and indirect insults I also got an email that topped anything anyone has ever said to me. The best part was that this woman did not know anything about me except what her son told her so she used informaation her son told her as ammunition to insult me. She talked about my father leaving me, about my mother's abuse, about my sister's death and so on. It was one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done to me. On top of it my partner would not acknowledge her bad behavior even when a therapist tried to get him to understand it to be poor and insutling behavior on her part. Ultimately, it was in part her contribution that broke us up more than one time and her contribution that finalized it because I finally decided that I would not accept the unacceptable. Don't accept unacceptable behaviors whether they are from a spouse who permits their own mother to insult you or from a person who is his mother or a friend for that matter. What is unacceptable needs to be verbalized by you and done so right away. The longer you allow it the more it will keep festering and growing. Insist on acceptable behavior and do not accept bad behavior from anyone. Not ONE SINGLE person.
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