5 Myths About Relationship and Love
As many people know I am in the middle of ending a realtionship with someone that was so different from me I could not have imagined it. We were so opposite it was like saying dark and light and black and white, almost about everything from our thoughts about fashion and presentation to the cleanliness of a home. We could not have been more opposite had we applied for it from God. Hence my blog on the five myths about relationships and love:
Here are the five myths about relationship and love:
1. Opposites Attract and That's Just How It Is:
The first thing is that this is not usually true. Most people who are together for a long term relationship are more alike than opposite and the people who have too many differences end up in divorce not to mention in a constant state of disagreement.
Besides, Why the hell would we want to be with a person who is the opposite of us? For example a person who is selfish with a person who is abundantly generous or a person who is cheap with their money and feelings and one who is transparent and opent about their feelings and happy to pay the dinner bill. It does not make sense form a logistical standpoint to be with someone who is the opposite of us. Still we believe that long term myth that opposites are destined to be a couple. In reaity we should be with someone who is more like us and shares as may similarities as possible. Sure there will be some opposite traits some of which are built in between a male and a female or a man raised in the country and one raised in the city, each loving the environment they grew up in. In the end it makes much more sense that like minded people attract rather than opposites. It is easy to become attracted to a person who is our opposite but hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is so different from us. We are not destined to be with someone who is the opposite of us. We are much more destined to be with someone more like us than not.
2. Love is Effortless:
A lot of people think that love is effortless and that they don't need to work at it. In fact some think that if it is too much work it needs to end. Even in friendship and family love there is work to be done and thinking that love is effortless and does not require any work is in a word "silly". How can we possibly maintain a good relationship if we don't put any work into it? We put work in to our job and sometimes more love into a JOB that our family or our spouse. We fail to understand that love is not enough and that even when we love someone there needs to be dialog and compromise and gestures to keep the love flowing. Lazy people believe that being in a love realtionship like a marriage does not require much more than showing up but that is the mistake we make. We think that we don't need to give the roses or write the poems. We forget to talk about what might be bothering us or better yet we avoid it. We ignore the elephant in the room and we expect things to just happen because love is suppose to be easy and breezy. When it becomes too much work or we see too much conflict is when we realize how little we have done to keep the love flowing. Love is not effortless, love actually takes effort. It is done with intention and not be default. It does not just happen we make it happen and we keep it going with our actions and the willingness to work at it.
3. Relationships that are Monogomous are Normal:
For many of us relationship is between two people only. It is suppose to be monogomous and between only two people always and forever. If something happens where one person makes the mistake of having sex outside the relationship the other person will llmany times decide on a divorce or to end the relationship. Yet monogomy is really not natural for everyone as witnessed by the fact that there are people who like being married to more than one person or have more than just a spouse as their primary source of intimacy. For some monogomy is NOT normal. For some it is abnormal and they are working against their natural inclinations and desires. They suffer greatly or they go out and seek intimacy elsewhere in secret, making matters worse. I think that monogamy is great for those of us who it works for but truly unnatural for those of us who don't feel it to be natural and part of who we believe we are in our life or in relationship. Why do we think that relationships that are just for two people is normal when there are so many facts that disprove this myth and so many couples who are not aligned with this way of holding relationship? Why do we still insist on shaming people who are in a polyamorous relationship with more than one person? We have even made it illegal to be with more than one person.
Here are the five myths about relationship and love:
1. Opposites Attract and That's Just How It Is:
The first thing is that this is not usually true. Most people who are together for a long term relationship are more alike than opposite and the people who have too many differences end up in divorce not to mention in a constant state of disagreement.
Besides, Why the hell would we want to be with a person who is the opposite of us? For example a person who is selfish with a person who is abundantly generous or a person who is cheap with their money and feelings and one who is transparent and opent about their feelings and happy to pay the dinner bill. It does not make sense form a logistical standpoint to be with someone who is the opposite of us. Still we believe that long term myth that opposites are destined to be a couple. In reaity we should be with someone who is more like us and shares as may similarities as possible. Sure there will be some opposite traits some of which are built in between a male and a female or a man raised in the country and one raised in the city, each loving the environment they grew up in. In the end it makes much more sense that like minded people attract rather than opposites. It is easy to become attracted to a person who is our opposite but hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is so different from us. We are not destined to be with someone who is the opposite of us. We are much more destined to be with someone more like us than not.
2. Love is Effortless:
A lot of people think that love is effortless and that they don't need to work at it. In fact some think that if it is too much work it needs to end. Even in friendship and family love there is work to be done and thinking that love is effortless and does not require any work is in a word "silly". How can we possibly maintain a good relationship if we don't put any work into it? We put work in to our job and sometimes more love into a JOB that our family or our spouse. We fail to understand that love is not enough and that even when we love someone there needs to be dialog and compromise and gestures to keep the love flowing. Lazy people believe that being in a love realtionship like a marriage does not require much more than showing up but that is the mistake we make. We think that we don't need to give the roses or write the poems. We forget to talk about what might be bothering us or better yet we avoid it. We ignore the elephant in the room and we expect things to just happen because love is suppose to be easy and breezy. When it becomes too much work or we see too much conflict is when we realize how little we have done to keep the love flowing. Love is not effortless, love actually takes effort. It is done with intention and not be default. It does not just happen we make it happen and we keep it going with our actions and the willingness to work at it.
3. Relationships that are Monogomous are Normal:
For many of us relationship is between two people only. It is suppose to be monogomous and between only two people always and forever. If something happens where one person makes the mistake of having sex outside the relationship the other person will llmany times decide on a divorce or to end the relationship. Yet monogomy is really not natural for everyone as witnessed by the fact that there are people who like being married to more than one person or have more than just a spouse as their primary source of intimacy. For some monogomy is NOT normal. For some it is abnormal and they are working against their natural inclinations and desires. They suffer greatly or they go out and seek intimacy elsewhere in secret, making matters worse. I think that monogamy is great for those of us who it works for but truly unnatural for those of us who don't feel it to be natural and part of who we believe we are in our life or in relationship. Why do we think that relationships that are just for two people is normal when there are so many facts that disprove this myth and so many couples who are not aligned with this way of holding relationship? Why do we still insist on shaming people who are in a polyamorous relationship with more than one person? We have even made it illegal to be with more than one person.
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