How to Set Boundaries and Why
I would like to begin this blog by stating that for me setting boundaries is still confusing and difficult, although I have become better at it. In part I have been forced to set my boundaries after many years of literally being run over and becoming emotionally and spiritually and physically ill. Unfortunately many of us have found out the hard way to set boundaries that we never set before.
I lived in relationships for a very long period of time without setting any boundaries and today I understand that I did not set them because I lived in fear of abandonment. I knew that is I set boundaries with the people I lived with and interacted with, they would abandon me. I was in so much fear that I allowed others to insult me directly and indirectly and would respond with my ego. I covered up the hurt. I covered up the shame and fear with a pretty shirt and tie. I pretended it was OK for people to disrespect me. It was something that I payed a hight price for ignoring and allowing in my life.
Set your boundaries and do that today. Do not wait one more minute to do so. You know if you have not done this work and need to do it right away. Not setting those boundaries is going to kill you if you don't realize today and now that setting them is the most important thing you will ever do. Tell that person that you are not OK with the way they talk to you or the manner in which they do not honor you Let that person know that you are done being bullied and talked down to. Leave that situation at work where the boss is insulting you indirectly and does not appreciate you. Let everyone know what you will and will not accept. Do not wait any longer. Don't keep aecepting what is not acceptable. Do this today.
It is easy to set boundaries once you have the hang of it. First it is a matter of practicing it. Letting people you love know first and the safe people you know how you feel. Create a circle around you of respect and where you are honest and say what you are feeling. Don't blame and shame anyone but rather point out how you feel and what you need. It is making that concious decision that you have boundaries that you expect others to see and respecxt. It is lining up all the things you have experienced as bad and finding ways to making it good. Feel your new life with boundaries and feel yourself letting go of the old person who use to allow others to cross their boundaries. You must see yourself as another person, the one who says NO and means it. The one who lets others know what is acceptable and not to them. It always helps to look at where you need to do your self work and why you have accepted bullying or people who cross your line. Once you see what you have done then you can fix it, heal it by setting the right boundaries that will lead to a new you. How do you set boundaries? You are honest and you ask for what you need and say what you don't need honestly and openly and gracefully and lovingly.
I lived in relationships for a very long period of time without setting any boundaries and today I understand that I did not set them because I lived in fear of abandonment. I knew that is I set boundaries with the people I lived with and interacted with, they would abandon me. I was in so much fear that I allowed others to insult me directly and indirectly and would respond with my ego. I covered up the hurt. I covered up the shame and fear with a pretty shirt and tie. I pretended it was OK for people to disrespect me. It was something that I payed a hight price for ignoring and allowing in my life.
Set your boundaries and do that today. Do not wait one more minute to do so. You know if you have not done this work and need to do it right away. Not setting those boundaries is going to kill you if you don't realize today and now that setting them is the most important thing you will ever do. Tell that person that you are not OK with the way they talk to you or the manner in which they do not honor you Let that person know that you are done being bullied and talked down to. Leave that situation at work where the boss is insulting you indirectly and does not appreciate you. Let everyone know what you will and will not accept. Do not wait any longer. Don't keep aecepting what is not acceptable. Do this today.
It is easy to set boundaries once you have the hang of it. First it is a matter of practicing it. Letting people you love know first and the safe people you know how you feel. Create a circle around you of respect and where you are honest and say what you are feeling. Don't blame and shame anyone but rather point out how you feel and what you need. It is making that concious decision that you have boundaries that you expect others to see and respecxt. It is lining up all the things you have experienced as bad and finding ways to making it good. Feel your new life with boundaries and feel yourself letting go of the old person who use to allow others to cross their boundaries. You must see yourself as another person, the one who says NO and means it. The one who lets others know what is acceptable and not to them. It always helps to look at where you need to do your self work and why you have accepted bullying or people who cross your line. Once you see what you have done then you can fix it, heal it by setting the right boundaries that will lead to a new you. How do you set boundaries? You are honest and you ask for what you need and say what you don't need honestly and openly and gracefully and lovingly.
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