4 Things Not to Ask or Say on a Date
I am not sure why people have no censor and will ask some of the most stupid questions to someone they are on a date with. Yet it happens all the time and all of us hear about those bad dates where the wrong questions get asked. I like to think I am not one of those guys who would ask the wrong questions on a date. I also think that I had an unusual upbringing because there were three female mentors in my life, all of which shared their expertise on what to say and not say, especially to a woman. So there are the eight things not to say or ask on a date:
1. Don't ask a person's age:
I don't know how many times we need to hear this one yet there are astonishingly many people who still ask. There are even some who challenge and defend their position saying that this is a silly rule, usually men for some reason. Some will say that it makes a difference and that they want to know this ahead of time because it's important to them. Still I say, don't ask a person their age on a first or second or third date. For most women this is an invasive and personal question and one that she will answer or share when she is ready. We live in a youth oriented world and those of us who are in our fifties or sixties know only too well how it feels to be catagorized as old or too old for this or for that. When people are ready they will share that type of personal information with you.
2. Don't ask about having children:
Don't ask women or men if they would like to have children. This is another one of those very personal decisions and not one that needs to be talked about on a first date. It is also a very personal question and there are many who feel a stigma around having children by a certain age or not wanting to have children. It is such a personal decision and a very important one. Important decisions like having children or not is not something that needs to be talked about on a first date. Men get a little scared when they are asked this questions and women feel invaded upon. You are on a first date and not asking someone to get married or in a long term relationship that might require asking that kind of question. Wait until you are in a longer term relationship to ask that question. On the other hand don't tell someone you want to have children either on a first or second date. It is like placing the horse before the cart. You still don't know this person intimately enough to share that desire. Wait to get to know him or her before sharing that information. The subject of kids will come up when it is time and both of you feel ready to discuss that part of your relationship.
3. Don't ask someone how much money they make:
When you ask someone how much money they make it looks as though you are more interested in monetary material things than love. It gives the impression that you are looking for someone to support you and that your decision to be with them is contingent on money. It is completely insulting and is a tell tale sign of someone who is not sensitive to what is important about a person which is not what amounts of monies they earn. Even though you may not like to be with a person who makes very little money this should not be the first thing you ask them. Eventually it is good to know if someone is gainfully employed it is not neccessaary to know this right away. If what salary a person makes is that important to you then you may want to get on a website or join a dating service that tells you that up front, but don't ask that question even if you have already seen it on their profile.
4. Don't ask someone how much they weigh:
It is unbelievable to me that anyone would ask that kind of question because of the stigma attached to anyone that is not a size 6 and the way we are bombarded with how important it is to be skinny. Women especially are offended by this question because of the false images of women on television and in the magazines. By looking at the person you are dating you can get a feel as to whether their body is one that is one you are attracted to. There is no need to ask their weight. It is only important that you are either attracted or not attracted to his or her stature. Asking someone their weight is not only rude it is not relevant.
1. Don't ask a person's age:
I don't know how many times we need to hear this one yet there are astonishingly many people who still ask. There are even some who challenge and defend their position saying that this is a silly rule, usually men for some reason. Some will say that it makes a difference and that they want to know this ahead of time because it's important to them. Still I say, don't ask a person their age on a first or second or third date. For most women this is an invasive and personal question and one that she will answer or share when she is ready. We live in a youth oriented world and those of us who are in our fifties or sixties know only too well how it feels to be catagorized as old or too old for this or for that. When people are ready they will share that type of personal information with you.
2. Don't ask about having children:
Don't ask women or men if they would like to have children. This is another one of those very personal decisions and not one that needs to be talked about on a first date. It is also a very personal question and there are many who feel a stigma around having children by a certain age or not wanting to have children. It is such a personal decision and a very important one. Important decisions like having children or not is not something that needs to be talked about on a first date. Men get a little scared when they are asked this questions and women feel invaded upon. You are on a first date and not asking someone to get married or in a long term relationship that might require asking that kind of question. Wait until you are in a longer term relationship to ask that question. On the other hand don't tell someone you want to have children either on a first or second date. It is like placing the horse before the cart. You still don't know this person intimately enough to share that desire. Wait to get to know him or her before sharing that information. The subject of kids will come up when it is time and both of you feel ready to discuss that part of your relationship.
3. Don't ask someone how much money they make:
When you ask someone how much money they make it looks as though you are more interested in monetary material things than love. It gives the impression that you are looking for someone to support you and that your decision to be with them is contingent on money. It is completely insulting and is a tell tale sign of someone who is not sensitive to what is important about a person which is not what amounts of monies they earn. Even though you may not like to be with a person who makes very little money this should not be the first thing you ask them. Eventually it is good to know if someone is gainfully employed it is not neccessaary to know this right away. If what salary a person makes is that important to you then you may want to get on a website or join a dating service that tells you that up front, but don't ask that question even if you have already seen it on their profile.
4. Don't ask someone how much they weigh:
It is unbelievable to me that anyone would ask that kind of question because of the stigma attached to anyone that is not a size 6 and the way we are bombarded with how important it is to be skinny. Women especially are offended by this question because of the false images of women on television and in the magazines. By looking at the person you are dating you can get a feel as to whether their body is one that is one you are attracted to. There is no need to ask their weight. It is only important that you are either attracted or not attracted to his or her stature. Asking someone their weight is not only rude it is not relevant.
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