The Signs of a True Blue Friend
I am rather exhausted with people telling me that they are disappointed in their friends and how their "friends" don't call them or how they borrowed money and never paid it back and and and .... With the holidays coming up we are inclinded to think that maybe some of our friends will invite us over or we may invite them over for some eggnog or in the Latino version of egg nog, coquito with a rum base. In any case the expectations we have of a true blue friend may get mufflied and confused. We may get to that place where we question if someone is truly a friend. I think that there are some real criteria for a true blue friend to be a real friend to us and these are some of them:
A True Blue Friend is there when we most need them. If we are in the throws of divorce, become very ill or simply need someone to talk to a real friend takes the time to be with us, talk to us and come and visit us. They will make the emergency time for us and maybe take a vacation day and come to see us for the day. A true blue friend is there when we need them unless they truly cannot and even then they will explain why. My own experience with my own health opportunity is that there are only a couple of true blue friends that I feel have been there for me and have been more attentive. Others will contact me every few weeks or not at all anymore. We have to accept this truth and move on. There will be ones who will become attentive and others who will run in the other direction because they are not capable of showing up for us and at times less capable of showing up for themselves. Family is usually different and my own experience is that these are the folks who will stand up to the challenge and try their best to be there for you when you are in need. In any case don't personalize it and know that it's not personal when people skip away. It is not you or anything you did. It is their own incompetence and inability to face you or anyone with an issue that is serious in nature and might require them to step up and actually do something of love in the form of an action. Even your partner might be the first to skip out and that cannot be taken personally. He or she is not capable of holding the light for you or the relationship and acceptance is key. My sister called it cowardly and I agree to a certain degree but I also feel like it is best when people exit and show you what they really feel and who they really are. Having expectations of them is silly on our part because we usually know the ones who can cut the mustard and the ones who never did.
A True Friend Communicates with you and makes time for you: If a person truly cares about you they make time to be with you. They might send you a card of flowers. They may send a little gift once in a while and they check in with you. Many people are busy with their partners and thier work but a good friend makes the time to see you and contact you. Recently my friend stayed overnight with me. Last month she did the same. She seems to be carving out a routine to be with me at least once a month. I love it and see it as a truly sincere act of kindness and love and concern whether I was ill or not. A true friend will do things like this or call and take you out to dinner. A true friend spends time with you and communicates with you, keeping those lines open.
A Good Friend Expresses their Love for you: I think that a person who is really a friend tells you they love you once they have known you for a while. This for me is so important even though I understand that it's not easy for some of us which is why I initiate that language with my long term friends and then they give it back to me. The expectation is there but I am the one who invites the "I love you". If you don't ever get the "I love you" back and the person shows you they love you that may be enough for some of us. I like to say it and I like to hear it. I believe with all my heart in sharing that affirmation with a friend and showing them I love them by doing and saying loving things. A good friend does and says loving things whether it is I love you or other words that mean love to him or her. Expression of love is vital in a truly true blue friendship.
A True Friend shares their feelings with you: Good friends are not afraid to share their feelings with you. They are williing to say they are diasppointed in you and need you to step it up or that something you said hurt them. They are honest about their feelings and tell it like it is in a way that is not shaming and blaming. There is not a fear of rejection due to honesty.
A True Friend Does Not Unload on You all the time: I had a friend I stopped calling because she would unload all her baggage onto me. Everything was negative and doom and gloom was her comfort zone. I became so exhausted from it that I simply stopped communicating with her and suggested she go to counseling. True friends don't dump on you. True fiends bring light and some laughter to you and occassionally share their hurt feelings, secrets or disappointments.
A True Blue Friend is there when we most need them. If we are in the throws of divorce, become very ill or simply need someone to talk to a real friend takes the time to be with us, talk to us and come and visit us. They will make the emergency time for us and maybe take a vacation day and come to see us for the day. A true blue friend is there when we need them unless they truly cannot and even then they will explain why. My own experience with my own health opportunity is that there are only a couple of true blue friends that I feel have been there for me and have been more attentive. Others will contact me every few weeks or not at all anymore. We have to accept this truth and move on. There will be ones who will become attentive and others who will run in the other direction because they are not capable of showing up for us and at times less capable of showing up for themselves. Family is usually different and my own experience is that these are the folks who will stand up to the challenge and try their best to be there for you when you are in need. In any case don't personalize it and know that it's not personal when people skip away. It is not you or anything you did. It is their own incompetence and inability to face you or anyone with an issue that is serious in nature and might require them to step up and actually do something of love in the form of an action. Even your partner might be the first to skip out and that cannot be taken personally. He or she is not capable of holding the light for you or the relationship and acceptance is key. My sister called it cowardly and I agree to a certain degree but I also feel like it is best when people exit and show you what they really feel and who they really are. Having expectations of them is silly on our part because we usually know the ones who can cut the mustard and the ones who never did.
A True Friend Communicates with you and makes time for you: If a person truly cares about you they make time to be with you. They might send you a card of flowers. They may send a little gift once in a while and they check in with you. Many people are busy with their partners and thier work but a good friend makes the time to see you and contact you. Recently my friend stayed overnight with me. Last month she did the same. She seems to be carving out a routine to be with me at least once a month. I love it and see it as a truly sincere act of kindness and love and concern whether I was ill or not. A true friend will do things like this or call and take you out to dinner. A true friend spends time with you and communicates with you, keeping those lines open.
A Good Friend Expresses their Love for you: I think that a person who is really a friend tells you they love you once they have known you for a while. This for me is so important even though I understand that it's not easy for some of us which is why I initiate that language with my long term friends and then they give it back to me. The expectation is there but I am the one who invites the "I love you". If you don't ever get the "I love you" back and the person shows you they love you that may be enough for some of us. I like to say it and I like to hear it. I believe with all my heart in sharing that affirmation with a friend and showing them I love them by doing and saying loving things. A good friend does and says loving things whether it is I love you or other words that mean love to him or her. Expression of love is vital in a truly true blue friendship.
A True Friend shares their feelings with you: Good friends are not afraid to share their feelings with you. They are williing to say they are diasppointed in you and need you to step it up or that something you said hurt them. They are honest about their feelings and tell it like it is in a way that is not shaming and blaming. There is not a fear of rejection due to honesty.
A True Friend Does Not Unload on You all the time: I had a friend I stopped calling because she would unload all her baggage onto me. Everything was negative and doom and gloom was her comfort zone. I became so exhausted from it that I simply stopped communicating with her and suggested she go to counseling. True friends don't dump on you. True fiends bring light and some laughter to you and occassionally share their hurt feelings, secrets or disappointments.
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