Letting Go
Yesterday I called an aquaintance who had sent me a card and in the card it felt like she was saying goodbye indirectly. I called her because I like things to be completely clear and wanted to make sure I was reading it correctly. She then stated that she felt uncomfortable when I would call because whe was still friendly with my soon to be X and his family. To say that I was shocked would be an underestimation because all this time she was sharing how her connection with some of the members of the family was strained when they did something to her she did not favor. In any case I deleted her numbers immediately after speaking to her and decided to move on. I was shocked at her decision but I still felt like I wanted to honor it because in my heart I knew it was made out of fear. She felt that she could no longer love me and still be involved with the family that connected us ten years ago. She is also 95 years old and a person who is sharp as a tack but also at an age where I would not want to be in the middle of her emotions over any issue.
From the start my X partnr's family triangulated me with others and for me if was just another person who he'd done that with before when he broke up with me or I would end it with him. The whole thing became a game of emotions and one that for me was practiced a lot in his family of origin per my observations. It was hard for him to be anything other than what he was and when I got cancer his running out did not surprise me in the least. I knew it would happen because that was his way of being and his family taught him well, especially a mom who was to me quite narcasistic and selfish. Today I leave it all behind me because it is best to be in my own center and see my own light and hold my own light with my beautiful family.
When people let go out of fear or because they are forced to pick one person over another I feel deep sadness for them. I feel like they are in a place of fear and I don't blame them. We operate a lot on fear. We see through the eyes of fear and forget love. We want one person to be more important to us than the other because it has to be a contest and not a collaboration of humans. We are competitive and we pick based on who is a "winner" and who is a "loser". Who has more status and who has no status, who we believe and who we don't believe. It does not anger me it makes me sad and in a way it brings light to me because I get to choose joy over fear. It helps me to be more assertive about my joy and about who I am, more assured of myself as a human being who has conviction. Rejection based on fear makes me understand that mankind is living in a lot of fear and that I choose not to.
Let go of the ones who want to leave in fact when you sense it let go faster and with more grace. Don't hold onto people who want to forget or abandon the years between you. Bless them and move on. Don't allow them to fail you as if you are in school again and are six years old getting an F on your artwork of all things. Do your very best not to take things personal and let God do the rest.
From the start my X partnr's family triangulated me with others and for me if was just another person who he'd done that with before when he broke up with me or I would end it with him. The whole thing became a game of emotions and one that for me was practiced a lot in his family of origin per my observations. It was hard for him to be anything other than what he was and when I got cancer his running out did not surprise me in the least. I knew it would happen because that was his way of being and his family taught him well, especially a mom who was to me quite narcasistic and selfish. Today I leave it all behind me because it is best to be in my own center and see my own light and hold my own light with my beautiful family.
When people let go out of fear or because they are forced to pick one person over another I feel deep sadness for them. I feel like they are in a place of fear and I don't blame them. We operate a lot on fear. We see through the eyes of fear and forget love. We want one person to be more important to us than the other because it has to be a contest and not a collaboration of humans. We are competitive and we pick based on who is a "winner" and who is a "loser". Who has more status and who has no status, who we believe and who we don't believe. It does not anger me it makes me sad and in a way it brings light to me because I get to choose joy over fear. It helps me to be more assertive about my joy and about who I am, more assured of myself as a human being who has conviction. Rejection based on fear makes me understand that mankind is living in a lot of fear and that I choose not to.
Let go of the ones who want to leave in fact when you sense it let go faster and with more grace. Don't hold onto people who want to forget or abandon the years between you. Bless them and move on. Don't allow them to fail you as if you are in school again and are six years old getting an F on your artwork of all things. Do your very best not to take things personal and let God do the rest.
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