No Room For Competition

I was at a cocktail party at a friend's home who was a professor and is an author as well as an avid art collector.  He is well known for his masterful art and the masterful manner with which he displays it. Walking into his home is like going to the Dusable museum and the Art Institute rolled in one.  As luck would have it there were plenty of intellectual men invited and the conversation flowed from topic to topic: music, who was gay in the industry of music and acting, Oprah and Gale, Grace Jones and even Nicky Minaj.  Then we got to relationships and how sometimes couples become insecure when their partner or spouse is complimented or found attractive.  I shared my own story about Luz who was my  former wife and was complimented all the time in front of me.  I always felt proud and happy that others found her beautiful and it made me happy rather than jealous.  Then I realized that every male I'd been with was insecure and did not like my being in the light for any reason, at least most of them.  Instead there was this constant competition and what seemed to me to be this under cover bullying type behaviors to indirectly bring me down after such episodes.  In fact at one point I recall one of my partners bragging to everyone how much Gucci I wear and would go on and on about my clothing.  It felt like he was jealous of me and in fact others thought the same.  It was a constant battle like a competition between neighbors and new cars and new kids and new furniture.  I hated it and I would point it out to him but to no avail.  It seemed that his mother was also in on the jealousy and in fact at one point two of the family members of hers pointed it out.  She was just that type of person who instead of being complimentary would indirectly criticize me.  She was mean spirited and at one point her father told his girlfriend at the time to watch out for her or she might hurt her because she had a sharp tongue.  It was in fact so subtle on her part and her son's part that most people thought them truly nice.  I won't ever forget when at a party he was insulted by a woman who was transgender and beautiful because he insulted her by prying into her in such a way that it was simply inappropriate and stupid.  Even I wanted to stop him but unfortunately niether he or his mother coud ever be stopped.  Both were of the very same thread for sure and it was all about competition rather than collaboration or compassion.  Both said semi racist things and couched them in a joke and both competed with everyone about everything it seemed, even a game of dominoes was unpleasant to participate in.  They called it the "acid test" and they were right it was like acid and painful as hell.

Competition has no place in relationships of any type whether it is your spouse or your friend or co-workers.  Competition is what has started all this trouble in the world and we have justified wars over competing for something or because of some differences.  Competition is like venom and in relationship all it can do is destroy things.  Jokes about things like race and competitions over a game are simply the example of an insecure person who needs to win in order to feel good about themselves.  They are often the kids in school we loved to hate.

I found that being with men was  constant competition.  It was always a race against love and time and space.  It was so often about insecurity and self hate.  It often turned into a who do you think you are game as if I was in grammar school again.  Things one would never think of would be on the table all of a sudden like the color of shirt you had on and the distain for x, y or z things or facts or singers or people.  It was a constant batlle for no apparent reason other than to win win and then win. I remember one time one of the men I was with failed his exam the first time around and his mom stated that "the exam must be flawed" if her son failed it.  I roared inside thinking how ridiculous it sounded and just how serious she was about her son loving a competition because for her him failing that test was someone elses fault.  I was almost surprised she did not blame me for his failing of the test and frankly when he told me I thought of how ironic it was that he failed.  Mr. Know It All as we referred to him had failed a test he studied hard for allegedly.  It was kind of fun for us who thought about how many people are suppose to fail any given test especially if it is a statewide exam.  Competition and failing made him miserable but the death of a person did not fase him.  That was for me the caviat that topped the competition cake.

Competition is wrong in so so many ways.  It has caused so many relationships to fail and companies to close down.  It has caused so  much anger in people that they kill over it.  It is the one feeling that has no plaee in an arena we call love, marriage or relationship with any person any time and any place.  And so I urge my readers to stop compteting so much so often and to especially stop competing with those you allege to love.  There is little more to say than how it ruins peeople's lives and how sad a state of affaris we are in because of it.